The Cat's Diary

Happy Valentine's Day from The Cat

2012-02-14T06:27:00.001Z

I think that this card says it all!

But then just because something says it all that should stop someone, in the case me, saying something should it? So I need to say to all of my wonderfully cuddly readers HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. Thank you so much of all of the gifts, cards, cash and Prawns (one tip there for the future could you ensure that the Prawns stay frozen on the journey here?).

My wonderful cuddly readers are so special to me as you all know and if I could I would rub noses with all of you, thank you so much for buying 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and 'The Cat's Travelogue' I wouldn't sold any without you all.

Technorati Tags:
Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Prawns, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, Happy Valentine's day, Valentine's day

Is your Cat an addict?

2012-02-13T06:12:00.001Z

Now you can make your Cat so happy that he won't even know he's a Cat. That's right Cat Smack is the happiest snack in a sack.

Do you think that the little chap on the bag looks worried? He might be although if you look at his pupils I would say that before this picture was taken he was half way through a bag of the stuff what a shame that he doesn't know that taking this sort of rubbish will ruin his life and destroy his career someone show him an article on Whitney Houston and do it quickly!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Whitney Houston, Cat Smack, addict

Don't listen to this while driving!

2012-02-09T09:00:00.001Z

Having trouble sleeping? Well help might be at hand or is that 'ear?'

A group called Marconi Union recently teamed up with a band of boffins to create what they say is "the most relaxing music track ever." The track is supposed to not only sooth you but also slows breathing and reduce brain activity - for some humans the last feature might be dangerous because I have noticed in some humans very little of that!

The boffins and the band were commissioned and sponsored by Radox the bath salt (and more) people and they have used the track in an ad campaign. You can have an eight minute gawp at the video here Weightless on uTube be warned the music might not send you to sleep but the movie - of the sun setting over the sea with water lapping over a rock where the beach meets the sea might just want to make you need to pee, it did that to me! (Back in a mo).

There is of course a load of scientific nonsense and double speak about what the sound does to you and your brain, the chemical reactions and whatnot but frankly I thought it was a load of hogwash or is that soft soap? Bearing in mind the sponsors tee hee!

I listened to 'Weightless' because I was curious, I don't need a song to send me to sleep just a warm lap after a pile of Prawns. Now because I like Trance music I liked 'Weightless' but to my ears (normal Cat music ability caveat applies here) it didn't send me to sleep or even calm me much. It is just wave after wave of sound with a little tinkling of a bell here and there, it is all very well but insomniacs beware I think you should listen to any banker describing his or her part in the financial mess we are all covered in to send you more effectively to bye-byes.

All in all I don't think that weightless will find its way to my iPod it isn't as good as say Mr. DJ Tiësto's 'In Search of Sunrise 5: Los Angeles below.

The first track called 'Malibu Beach' is haunting but sadly is dwarfed by 'Weightless' being only just over 2 minutes long. The whole Album is worth listening to, although of course, you have to remember that each track is only 'mixed' by Mr. DJ Tiësto the creative hard work was done by the artists who I suspect didn't earn as much as Mr. DJ Tiësto out of the album when it came out in 2006! For all of that it's worth having on your iPod, as are a lot of Trance Albums, especially, in the main, the early stuff before every Fred, Ned and Ted started mixing tracks to cash in on the trend.

Because I am a Cat who cares about the lovely cuddly readers of my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, my amazing peerless blog to say nothing of my incredible books 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and 'The Cat's Travelogue' available here The Cat's Page at Amazon.com I thought that you would like to know which tracks are considered to be the top ten most relaxing tracks ever produced.

The 'artists' (if you can call poor old Mozart a mere 'artist' but then look at the company he is keeping) are in bold just in case, like me, you have difficulty calling to mind the greatest works of say 'All Saints' or 'Barcelona':

1. Marconi Union - Weightless

2. Airstream - Electra

3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix)

4. Enya - Watermark

5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing

6. Barcelona - Please Don't Go

7. All Saints - Pure Shores

8. Adele - Someone Like You

9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull'aria

10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly

I have to be truthful and tell you that the list above isn't 'my list' if you see what I mean so I can't promise it's perfect but it's a list and like the graph from the other day sometimes a blog needs a list, although having said that today's blog is a bit of a monster of a blog and probably doesn't need anything else it is perfect without a list, but then the list is there just in case you are in to lists.

Lastly

I thought you humans would like the pictures except for the picture of Mr. DJ Tiësto's album cover they have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of this blog. But I expect they are rather relaxing except for the Eagle's wife in the first picture who is shouting down to her husband "you fool you are flying too close the waterfall… again!" And the Flamingoes in the second picture. The one in the middle was heard to say, "I hate standing in brackish water," while his offended companion replies, "well Franklin that is really ungrateful, the flock only comes here so that you can soak your swollen ankles in the stuff!"

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Here are some useful links (as I believe they say in the SEO trade) they will whisk you off to all sorts of goodies if you want to either buy copies of my books (either in the good old paper format or indeed in the more modern ebook format) and if you haven't yet treated your good self to an ereader (TIP - it's a bit of an essential if you want to read ebooks) then there are some links to Amazon.com where you can get a nice shiny new one.

My books - just in case you are confused

'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary'

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle/epub edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

'The Cat's Travelogue'

Paperback edition of The Cat's Travelogue

Kindle/epub edition of The Cat's Travelogue

And finally (you can breathe a sigh of relief) here are some picture links showing the products that you can read my wonderful ebook on, I hope you like them, but more than that I hope you use them to buy your much needed ebook reader, iPod or even iPhone because if you do those nice people at www.amazon.com will send me a small consideration for your purchase aren't they nice?

Things you can read my ebooks on - again just in case you are confused

Technorati Tags:
Apple Computers, Apple iPad, Cat Diary, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, iPad, iPod Touch, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.Amazon.co.uk, www.amazon.com, Radox, Weightless, Marconi Union, Airstream, DJ Shah, Enya, Coldplay, All Saints, Adele, Mozart, Cafe Del mar, IPhone 4, Flamingoes, Eagle

My Dickens Thing

2012-02-08T06:49:00.001Z

"Give me a 'C'"

"Give me an 'H'"

"Give me a 'A'"

"Give me a 'R'"

"Give me a 'L'"

"Give me a 'E'"

"Give me a 'S'"

"Give me a 'D'"

"Give me a 'I'"

"Give me a 'C'"

"Give me a 'K'"

"Give me a 'E'"

"Give me a 'N'"

"Give me a 'S'"

"What's that spell?"

Well to be perfectly honest with you I wouldn't know what it spells unless I had just read it because when people shout out things like that at pop festivals, football matches political rallies and other disreputable places I get all flustered and forget some of the letters that have been shouted out and so before the end I am all confused and consequently shout out completely the wrong word, which with Charlie's last name could have all sorts of dreadful consequences couldn't it.

But I just wanted my dear cuddly readers to know that I haven't forgotten that the Charlie above is 200 years old except for the fact that he is of course dead and he can't actually 'be' 200 years old that would be impossible, but the anniversary of Charlie's birth was yesterday.

I have to stress I didn't forget, oh I have already said that so let me rephrase that I have to say again I didn't forget that Charles Dickens is 200 years old even though I am a day late celebrating and there is a good reason for being a day late.

First as you will know if you have read The Cat's Diary - "Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" I don't really like 'Dickens' the word used to describe him and his work and secondly if I had been celebrating his 200 year thingy yesterday I would have been doing it with all the other morons like Google with their pretentious doodles, prince Charles who visited Dicken's tomb, a odd thing to do on the anniversary of a chaps birth you might think but he could hardly have been asked to go on tv and talk about his vast knowledge of Dickens work could he? In fact very few people could do that because Dickens work is these days something that is referred to a lot and rarely read.

One of the reasons for that is that there is no need to actually 'read' Dickens because his stuff appears so often on the tv and in movies, and one of the main reasons for that is not the great stories but the fact that the production companies don't have to pay royalties to use the stories, another reason is that the author has been dead so long there isn't anyone to complain about the treatment of the author's work and in film and tv both those points make for a win win situation.

I thought I would share my favourite Dickens related photograph. You may remember it from one of my blogs from a little while ago this nice Dickens related picture that I found in Kent while out on a walk.

Lastly with the above cheer in mind I can wait for the birthday of Country Joe from Country Joe and the Fish/Woodstock fame can you? N.B. I am afraid that you have to have lived through the late sixties to understand that little jokette tee hee.

Technorati Tags:
Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, Charles Dickens, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, prince charles, Country Joe and The Fish, Woodstock

I Made Rice Pudding Yesterday

2012-02-07T06:20:00.001Z

It was so cold yesterday that I decided to indulge myself in a little English soul food, me being a furry little English soul, so it seemed just right.

English food has the ability to make you feel not only warm when you eat it but also has a cheering effect and though I never do seem to need cheering up I certainly enjoyed the warm feeling of every mouthful hitting the spot, if you see what I mean.

I was so pleased with the outcome that I thought I would share the recipe with you my dear readers you never know you might be not only feeling cold but also a bit down in the dumps but if you make this Rice Pudding you'll feel so much better and if one of the reasons you are feeling down in the dumps is that you are hard up the great thing about this recipe is that it really doesn't cost much too cook, especially if you take the dish full of raw ingredients around to a neighbour and use their stove. Mind you it does take 2 hours to cook so make sure that you have a lot of conversation topics prepared.

This Rice Pudding is so simple to make just measure out rice, milk, butter, sugar and mix them all together in the oven dish you are going to cook it in, stir it all together one last time and then follow the very limited instructions on the recipe I have added above.

I got my recipe for Rice Pudding from the 'Mother of all TV cooks' the patron saint of daytime TV Saint Delia Smith, she was the first TV cook back in the 1970's and taught a whole nation how to burn Beef Bourguignon, cock up Coq au vin and be adventurous in the kitchen, and as we all simmered, sautéed and sliced our way through countless new recipes that dear Delia had careful made so simple to follow our cooking abilities grew.

Delia Smith is definitely the reason I like to cook and I often refer to her website deliaonline if I am wondering what to do with a Prawn or Carrot or indeed both!

First I ate beef stew with plenty of carrots in it and of course loads of beef and then I ate the Rice Pudding and then I tried doing the washing up while holding my stomach off the floor and smiling to myself singing a little song about not worrying about being a fat Cat, though of course the nicer kind of fat Cat and not some masked arsehole from a merchant bank, railway authority or the royal family.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat Diary, free games, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, royal family, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.Amazon.co.uk, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, soul food, merchant bank, Delia Smith, Rice Pudding, Beef Bourguignon, Coq au Vin, cooking, Cats diary

A bit of Snow

2012-02-06T08:26:00.001Z

Well it has finally happened, Central Europe, and other odd bits attached to this particular bit of the Continent have frozen solid as the temperatures touch paw freezingly awful parts of the thermometer usually unexplored by us middle earth dwellers and more common in chilly bits of the world like Siberia, Alaska and of course the two all-white bits at the top and bottom of any Atlas.

It's cold here in Prague, currently it's minus 17C which is about just over 1 degree in Fahrenheit and frankly though it was colder over night -26C (which is minus 15 degrees F) Prague is on the warm side compared to parts of Bulgaria, Serbia, Poland and the Ukraine which and covered in blankets of frozen snow producing daytime temperatures of -30C the 'C' in this case meaning 'cold.'

But as this picture from Kiev (below) shows, where it was -30C, life goes on as it does around most of Europe.

Indeed as I sit on the windowsill above a radiator which is full on I can see that the roads here are clear, bundles of people in furry coats are bustling here and there and in the distance there is a Tram rattling on its rails while overhead in the ice white sky there are a couple of vapour trails made by aeroplanes using full throttle to take off from the nearby airport.

You could say therefore that the Czech republic like any other civilised modern country is coping well and still - as the ever awful Mrs Thatcher used to say "open for business." Imagine my surprise then at the headlines of the newspapers from that most modern and go-ahead country of all Great Britain, 'Just 3 inches of snow halts half of all flights at Heathrow' and 'Roads will be like ice rinks for a week, drivers warned.'

What is it with the Brits? The barometer follows the thermometer down and the whole of Britain comes to a halt and that is in spite of having what I read was "records amounts of salt" (used to clear roads in the UK and also to flavour Chips and well everything edible).

Judging by the reports about the roads and the all other forms of transport I imagine the "records amounts of salt" are still safely locked up nice and warm in depots around the country and have been since early December, in fact just like the Queen who begins her Jubilee Year today, she and other members of the royals who have been ensconced in Sandringham a luxury palace in Norfolk on holiday since the middle of December which is rather nice!

Of course you get the feeling that the royals would rather be somewhere tropical but in times of hardship in the UK and nervousness about whether or not someone will give them the latest handout that they want - a new royal yacht - they are keeping their heads down in what is probably one of the best and most exclusive spa resorts in the world, though between you and me I bet the decoration is just plain awful, the royals after all have terrible taste and if you ever troll around a royal palace when open to the public you can see that for yourself.

So instead of spending 60 or so million pounds of a shiny new royal yacht for the monarch maybe the people of Great Britain should spend the money wisely, on some nice shiny gritting trucks and polished snow ploughs and if the royals want to they can drive them when they are not on holiday it might actually give them something to do and let's face it it will be cheaper to the teach them how to drive a truck than it will be to teach them to drive a helicopter which is what they usually want to have a go on!

And looking to the long term when the royals are taken out of service because of budgetary cuts when the country decides it can no longer afford to keep a kennelful they will have a trade that suits their lifestyles, after all it only snows for a few weeks of the year in the UK and so the job of snow shifter would be perfect for them all wouldn't it?

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, Cats Diary, free games, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Kiev, Poland, queen of England, royal family, snow plough, The Cats Travelogue, Ukraine, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.Amazon.co.uk, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Bulgaria, Central Europe, Serbia, Alaska, Mrs Thatcher, Sandringham, Snow Plough

No Trouble With the 'F' Word Here

2012-02-03T06:44:00.001Z

To be honest with you dear cuddly readers (and as I have explained on numerous occasions in the past unfortunately due to be large genetic balls up by the creator Cats find it physically and mentally impossible to tell a lie the only factor in our development that has held us back and allowed humans to run the world I might add, and so I can't be anything other than honest with you), I find it very difficult to use the 'F' word whether in polite or any other type of company and definitely not in my books.

Mind you I remember getting close to using the 'F' word in my Cat's Diary and first masterpiece of Feline Literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts From a Cat's Diary.' when I tried to use a card system to express my disapproval with service from Apple Computers giving them four king cards for 'four king' awful service!

With the above in mind I secretly admire people who proudly display their total disregard for the 'F' word's detrimental impact and use liberally. In the case of the picture below I believe that John the Chinese cook doesn't like Chinese food all that much and that's a shame because although the Chinese do have some absolutely disgusting habits, including menu items they do make some rather sublime din dins, I am thinking here of Szechuan Prawns and Beef Chow Mein to name but a few.

Technorati Tags:
Apple Computers, Cat, Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, Chinese, Chinese Food, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Szechuan Prawns, Beef Chow Mein

A Bit Of Dysfunctional Faith

2012-01-31T08:11:00.001Z

I should imagine by now that everyone in the world knows that I am a very famous Feline author of several bestselling (thankfully) books, the first 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' sold more copies than the Bible (when translated in to Inuit) and the second 'The Cat's Travelogue' is currently outselling the English language version of Steve Job's biography in Uzbekistan to say nothing of the latest book from Newt Gingrich 'Newt's Tips On A Successful Marriage' which concentrates on being faithful and has a foreword by prince Charles.

Unfortunately as yet neither of my masterpieces of Feline Literature have eclipsed sales of prince Andrew the Duke of York's latest book 'Dictators, Autocrats and Paedophiles I Know and Respect' but then I suppose everyone wants to read a book written by the world's most famous frequent flyer and discover how they could get so many free trips by displaying pure ignorance and a total lack of judgement. Just a thought I wonder if he will go back to Turkey where there is an outstanding arrest warrant for her ferginess the duchess of York?

And so on to my lovely picture today which I saw while researching my latest unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue,' look Newt and Andrew here is somewhere that will welcome you with open arms, just pop down to the Faith Baptist Church and as the sign says "you will fit right in!"

Just recently and for no reason really, except the website address is on the sign, I went onto the website for the Faith Baptist Church in New Brunswick, Canada and I promise you it was everything I hoped it would be from the 'Donut Club' to the desperately cheesy pictures of the happy families who "join us on Sunday."

Sadly although I spent quite a long time on the website - ok three minutes but I promise you that was all I could bear I am only human oops 'feline - I didn't see a single family who looked 'dysfunctional' in any way whatsoever although one of the teenagers hanging from a tree looked more than a little strange.

Still I am sure that the sugar fuelled members of the Donut Club, which to quote the Faith Baptist Church's professional copywriter exactly "The Donut Club is our mid-week children’s program for kids kindergarten through grade 5. Every week they enjoy music, games, a Bible lesson and a special visit from Duncan the Donut. Donut Club meets every Tuesday from 6:30-7:45pm," will probably carry out sugar induced rampages at some point in time and if you wonder why just as yourself how many Donuts can a kid eat in an hour and fifteen minutes? The answer is an awful lot!

So the only really 'dysfunctional' thing about the Faith Baptist Church is their billboard, just look closely at the website and you won't see any dysfunctional people, not even Duncan the Donut, which is a shame because they tend to be my favourites!

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat's Diary, Church, duchess of York, free games, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, prince andrew, prince charles, Steve Jobs, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.Amazon.co.uk, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Baptist, Donut, Newt Gingrich

The Big Garden Birdwatch A Real Feline Treat

2012-01-30T07:45:00.001Z

This weekend in England it was the RSPB's 33rd 'Big Garden Birdwatch' (the RSPB is the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds for all those who might not know which when you think about it is an enormous number of people) a weekend when friends and fanciers of our feathered friends gaze out into their gardens to identify and count the number of birds who have decided to land on their tiny patch of England that hasn't as yet been repossessed by the banks.

Now I haven't been in England for a few years but when I was there I didn't just dedicate one weekend to watching English garden birds it was a full time occupation, I was always on the windowsill glued to the bird table or in the Spring watching our feathered cousins pick at the newly sown lawn.

So what on earth is the 'Big Garden Birdwatch?' Well to keep it simple, which is always nice, for 33 years now the RSPB have asked people to snoop on the feathered wildlife in their gardens, obviously as the RSPB is a charity there is no pay or reward and if you want to know the full results of the weekend's activity you have to buy a report from them.

The Big Garden Birdwatch is believed to be the biggest "citizen science" exercise anywhere in the world and anyone can 'join in' all you have to do is to watch an open space, which can be your garden, a park or even a prison exercise yard for one hour and do that once a year and while you are watching the space just count the birds that land, unfortunately pouncing on them is frowned upon at all times by the RSPB and not only during the study. How was I suppose to know that? I'm a Cat after all.

So while you are watching your bit of England waiting for the flap of wings all you have to do is to count the birds that arrive and to avoid double counting you simply record the largest number of each species you see at any one moment.

The clever thing about this survey is that everyone taking part helps to create a countrywide snapshot of England's ever changing populations of winter birds and over the years the survey has measured and confirmed the changes in populations of England's birds which as last year's survey reveals the number of species in England's gardens stands at an impressive and mouthwatering 73!

So well done to the RSPB who have proved that not everything with a 'royal' connection is completely spoilt and useless, and they still think that they should be bought a new royal yacht but then that is another story that I have been trying to resist telling.

One bit of information from the Big Garden Birdwatch that I found interesting if not a little incriminating is that there number of birds in my old garden has increased dramatically since I left for central Europe where it's reported the numbers of garden birds has begun to decline, nature is an odd thing isn't it?

Below is a graph that has nothing to do with this blog article whatsoever but I think it makes it look ever so important and included it for that reason.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat Diary, free games, free on-line games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www.Amazon.co.uk, www.amazon.com, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, Big Garden Birdwatch, RSPB, Royal Yacht, Catkind, www - wickedly wonderful websitewww.amazon.com

No Mental Patients Allowed - It Must Be China

2012-01-27T06:45:00.001Z

The safety instructions for riding a cable car in Gulin, China would amusing if they didn't show how dreadfully backward and prejudice the richest communists in the world really are!

Of course I can understand that people riding the cable car should be discouraged from taking explosives on board, and smelly things that can "irritate the nose" and if I knew what "lolling People" were, I would probably stop them from boarding too, but is it fair, reasonable or just to prohibit "mental Patients," or even "dull-witted Patients" to be forced to spend hours trolling up a mountain instead of sailing up in a few minutes? I don't think so do you?

The prejudice of the Chinese doesn't just apply to the unfortunate among us who suffer mental health problems apparently, according to Chinese authorities if you are "liable to carsickness" you must be mentally ill - see point 4.1!

Which all goes to prove that not only should we not buy the shoddy goods manufactured in China which are made to the 'break out of the box' principle, we shouldn't go to China on holiday either.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Trams of Prague

2012-01-25T07:00:00.001Z

I just wanted to say well done to my Translator Mr. John Woodcock because his ebook 'Tram No6 - The Naughtiest of Trams' which is the first book in the 'The Trams of Prague' series has started to sell really well as a the number of people who have colour ebook readers grows thanks to the enormous increase in sales of the Amazon Kindle Fire and the iPad.

Mr. John Woodcock says that he thinks the reason why 'Tram No6 - The Naughtiest of Trams' is selling so well is that it's illustrated in colour through-out and was one of the first picture books written and developed for colour ereaders (probably why it stuck on the shelves of Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for so long before they we're invented - and not my first thought which was that he is a talentless nobody who is only employed as my translator because he is the only human in the world who can speak Cat. You will know exactly what I think of him if you have read my book 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' which out sells Mr. John Woodcock's book by thousands to one!

Of course I very rarely make references to other books when I can always mention my own which are such masterpieces but there is always a first time for everything as my Mum said when she was strapping the Bungee cord to her ankle, which of course is another story… which I am writing at the moment and Mr. John Woodcock is desperately trying to translate!

Technorati Tags:
Amazon, iPad, John Woodcock, Kindle, Prague, www.amazon.com, Fire, The Trams of Prague, Trams, www.Amazon.co.uk

What Can I say!

2012-01-24T07:15:00.001Z

They say you can get a lot of things in Bangkok and as this sign demonstrates 'anything' means 'anything' in Bangkok unless of course the translator misread the word he or she was supposed to translate for the sign and had 'testicles' on the brain - not a nice mental picture.

As for this unfortunate Cat I wouldn't be able to have a testicle massage in Bangkok as readers of my first book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' will recall. Some nice person mentioned to me as I was writing this paragraph that that was a bit sad, 'A BIT SAD!' Huh I would call it a crime agains Cat kind!

Lastly what has 'SMILE TEEN MASSAGE' got to do with anything? Answers in the usual format please unless this Cat has completely misunderstood what a 'smiling teen' has to do with a 'testicle massage,' then I think that your answers should be in private only!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cat, Testicle, Massage, Bangkok

The Sad Story of the Cat, the Pensioner, The Couple Arguing And An Open Window

2012-01-20T06:23:00.001Z

A lot of newspapers recently have been carrying a story about an 85 year old pensioner being hit on the head by a Cat in Buenos Aires in July. The pensioner was knocked unconscious and was in a coma for a long while after being hit by the Cat and has never really recovered from the incident. The Cat wasn't so fortunate and didn't survive the fall from the fourth storey.

So what was a fine looking Cat doing falling four stories I hear you ask? Images come to mind of a devil may care feline tethering on a window ledge 50 feet in the air come to mind, or a swashbuckling puss walking a tightrope of telephone wires strung from one building to another. Sadly the truth of what happened to this poor Cat is not only rather mundane it is also absolutely disgusting.

Apparently a couple on the forth floor were having a blazing row, can you see where this is going, no I bet you can't dear cuddly reader but then you are a normal well adjusted individual! What happened is so bizarre it wouldn't even appear in one of my books, during their quarrel the husband picked up the family pet and threw it at his wife, but she ducked and the Cat sailed through an open window.

Can you imagine what went through the husband's head at that moment, "I hate you and I am going to kill you, I will kill you with a um… err… a… yes I know a Cat.' What was he thinking! I am afraid I don't know.

There has been a lot of discussion about the injuries to the pensioner of course and her family seem to expect compensation for her quite rightly, but sadly as happens in these cases all too often no one seems to be saying, until now - this. "The person who did this is one of the cruelest most disgusting individuals on the planet and The Cat hopes that something really very awful happens to him."

What is it with some of you humans and Cats, we aren't vases, blunt instruments or any other kind of deadly weapons, please stop treating us as though we are inanimate.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Amazon.com, Cat Diary, free games, free on-line games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Pensioners, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Buenos Aires

What Do The Bird And Deer Look For?

2012-01-17T07:01:00.001Z

Sometimes you see a sign that really asks more questions than it answers, just like this one from the masters of misinformation and translation, the Japanese bless them.

This sign from a Monkey Park (yes you guessed right) is one of the best exhibits of the Japanese tradition of 'Ru-bbishy' which roughly translated means 'nonsense signage.'

I am afraid that is all of the information I can give my dear cuddly readers I thought the Monkey Park was lovely and so did the Monkeys but I never discovered exactly what the Bird and Deer look for which is quite sad because if I had I would have been able to tell everyone in my latest masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' and put some of the other pictures I took of Japan on the Cat's Diary www-wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com.

Technorati Tags:
Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, Japan, Monkey, The Cat's Diary, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.thecatsdiary.com

Good News If You Ever Run Out Of Ladies!

2012-01-16T07:31:00.001Z

I saw this picture and the first thing that came to mind was "what are they thinking about when they wrote this sign?" The answer of course is nothing, no thought whatsoever was used in making this sign, was it?

England has some strange by-laws which come from its dark past (around the time of Mrs. Thatcher's iron rule) and so I worry for the people who put this sign on a Post Box. It is not only illegal to do something like that but I would imagine carries a sever punishment under the archaic laws of the land. The perpetrators will probably have their Sheep taken away and have their children put into the service of the crown just for starters.

I have always wanted any opportunity to tell my wonderful cuddly readers about some of the mad laws that are still 'law' (if you see what I mean) in England and now seems like the perfect chance.

Did you know that it's illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament? That it's a treasonable act to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside down, though of course you can lick the stamp as much as you like!

There are lots of really dumb laws that benefit the English royals one that comes to mind is that the head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen. What on earth do they want them for?

And when you start to really delve into the nonsense that is English law you discover that eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned, obviously instead of tucking into Christmas delicacies the law expects ordinary people to be doing something useful and as England is rarely not at war keeping their fighting skills honed is important.

To ensure that Englishmen are ready for war the law of the land still says that all English Men over 14 must have two hours of longbow practice each weekend which has to be supervised by the local clergy.

And don't ever think that an English person can become as rich as the royal family for example, because under the oddest of English laws and indeed one of the most modern (Tax Avoidance Schemes - Prescribed Descriptions of Arrangements - Regulations 2006) it's illegal not to tell the taxman something you don’t want him to know on the other hand not telling him things you don’t mind him knowing is fine.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cat Diary, Cat's Diary, free on-line games, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, The Cat's DiaryThe Cat who writes blogs,free online games,free on-line games,The Cat's Travelogue,Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary,www - wickedly wonderful website,www.amazon.com,www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www - wickedly wonderful website,www.amazon.com,www.blog.thecatsdiary.com

How Many New Year's Resolutions Have You Broken So Far?

2012-01-12T07:23:00.001Z

I have never ever believed in making New Year's resolutions mainly because if I wanted to stop doing something, give up something, or generally be a better member of society waiting until the New Year came around seemed to be pointless because it only comes around once every year.

Mind you if you really don't want to give up something, modify your behaviour or do whatever it is that a New Year's resolution would make you do then the once a year thing works just fine, but maybe people who find it difficult working to such short deadlines should start to make resolutions on February 29th I have a feeling that "Leap Year Resolutions" would be best for them.

Obviously the main advantage of "Leap Year Resolutions" is that you have plenty of time to plan just how you are going to keep them and of course if you really enjoy what you are about to give up then you have plenty of time to enjoy it right up until the deadline.

Actually don't you think that it's odd that the things we really like doing like eating Chocolate, drinking red wine and so on are the subjects of New Year's and in the future Leap Year's Resolutions? Why is it that we should give up the things we like and vow to take up jogging or visit the Gym more often? Beats me! But then that might be a subject for another blog.

All of which bring me round nicely to the title of this blog 'how many New Year's Resolutions have you broken so far?' And indeed offers a new question - how many of the things that you decided to do/give up in your New Year's Resolutions were things that you didn't want to stop doing or of course not start in the first place - such as more trips to the Gym etc?

I don't think that we should not look after ourselves but let's face it who among us are as mad as Jane Fonda and want to exercise for most of the day and still have to get our publicity shots headily Photoshopped. Not me but then my face is covered in a dense layer of fur which hides any wrinkles I might have, not that I am saying I have any, so I have an advantage over most of my readers here who would be, if they were like little old me, at the electrolysis clinic for hours on end everyday. Being a Cat has so many advantages doesn't it?

As the cartoon below shows you have to ask yourself a lot of difficult questions about any New Year's Resolutions which you may be considering and if you are like Mary Poppins and though in a less icky way like me 'practically perfect in every way' then why should you be even thinking of making any New Year's Resolutions in the first place?

I think if you want to wear a hair shirt and make a New Year's Resolutions to give up something or change something about yourself just because you think others might expect it of you, you should stop thinking like that immediately and do something really useful that will make an impact, send me the money you would save by not doing what ever it is you were doing and I promise to enjoy every cent, even after I have bought a Motor Yacht that is six inches bigger than Steven Spielberg's.

There I hope that makes you all feel much better because it isn't such a bad thing to have little or no will power, let's face it it is what most if not all of the institutions around the world today rely on, us being so easy to manage and guilt ridden to say nothing of hoping our attention spans are the same as Goldfish - here I am mainly thinking about banks and bankers. Happily that lack of will power and short attention span is not an affliction that affects Cats in any way whatsoever it is so great to be a Cat and so much better to be The Cat who writes blogs.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Steven Spielberg, The Cat, Leap Year, New Year's Resolutions, Mary Poppins

I Like Shellfish But Not This Shellfish

2012-01-11T07:07:00.001Z

I remember writing a little song in my first masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' called 'There is nothing like a Prawn' to the musical theme first used in movie musical 'South Pacific' because I love Prawns. Prawns are wonderful even when they are eaten the Brazilian way with their little jackets on and tend towards 'crunch' if you see what I mean!

Although Prawns are my favourite shellfish I have also enjoyed the fleeting company of Lobsters, Crab, Langoustines, Shrimp (the tiny English ones) and of course Mussels, but I refused to eat what was on this menu in Hanoi, Vietnam and I ask you can you blame me?

Even when crap meat is rolled twice in Salmon skin and friend it hardly sounds like a delicacy does it? In fact the idea of it put me right off my Roasted Salmon Head and I walked out of the establishment that bravely called itself a restaurant feeling hungry and let down.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Prawns, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cat's Website, Vietnam, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Loster, Crab, Mussels, Salmon

When Is A Site A Sight - When It is Under Surveillance Of Course Silly

2012-01-10T07:01:00.001Z

I have seen some daft signs in my time but this one makes my cookie crumble, if you see what I mean!

Why would someone want to put CCTV in a wood? And where did they go to school? Are two of the questions that come to mind.

Still it;s a nice copse and if the CCTV is in colour then it probably makes attractive viewing, though I think we can rule out 'interesting' viewing don't you dear reader?

The CCTV can't have been installed to protect the trees can't it? After all if you want to protect a tree you don't hammer a six inch nail into it to hang a sign from do you?

You humans are definitely mad, well most of you, not my wonderfully cuddly readers of course, they are extremely smart because they have bought my books 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and 'The Cat's Travelogue' by the hundreds of thousands and I have to say that I love them for it, thank you so very much.

Technorati Tags:
Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue

The Latest Chinese Outrage - Err...Sorry Cuisine

2012-01-09T06:59:00.001Z

Well I am back from skiing in the Bohemian Mountains after the weather let up enough to allow us to drive to where it was filling reservoirs instead of blocking roads if you see what I mean.

It's nice to be back home and have a peaceful day instead of whistling across miles of snow trying to avoid the occasional lone Pine Tree and tired pensioner. This weekend I put my Paws up and 'veged' out in front of the box or as the automatic Lion spell checker would have it, I 'vexed' out in front of the box, that sounds as though I got mad watching TV but I didn't I promise I was quite mellow in fact and watched one of my favourite movies 'Babe' which is, as you may now about a rather nice talking Pig and of course I enjoyed the movie, and its delightful little Pig actor (how many times can you say that in a sentence and get away without being sued?).

After the movie I did get mad or as Lion would call it 'vexed' and then a little ill when I was going through my email and saw what 'a friend; in China had sent me, the picture below, the email said that 'my friend' knew I liked to publish strange pictures now and again and what could be stranger than a restaurant that served Pig's Organ Soup.

"Poor Babe," was my first thought and then I started to think about what they might serve in the restaurant and got a little sicker, after that I wondered what or who on Earth 'Kway Chap' is, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, I am pleased to say that it is safe to go back there now because they no longer carry pictures of Jimmy Wales the founder of Wikipedia and other flunkies begging for your cash, I'd give, honest they are all so ugly it just makes you wan tho keep you credit card in your wallet don't you think.

Anyway I digress but then you probably wouldn't be reading this blog if you didn't know that The Cat who writes blogs and books digresses on occasions, Kway Chap is I discovered eventually on Wikipedia is a combination of thick, flat rice flour (Kuay Teow) noodles stir-fried in dark soy sauce with green leafy vegetables, Chinese sausage or unspecified Pig's Offal and some fried lard. The article wasn't that helpful but then if you spend so much time raising money you can be expected to make your website encyclopaedic can you?

So yes you heard it first here on the wonderfully clever Cat's blog, the latest Chinese food craze that's sweeping the land of people who can't manufacture electronic devices or socks even though they are shown how to do it patiently by us in the West I is 'Pig's Organ Soup.' The soup recipe from hell!

You know I have a theory, if the Chinese concentrated on carefully making the goods that they manufacture over in slavelabourland instead of inventing ever more odd and unusual meals maybe the rubbish that they make and ship here to the West would last a little longer than the boxes they come in!

Technorati Tags:
Cat blog, Chinese, Chinese Food, Soup

Not The Journey Home

2012-01-05T06:46:00.001Z

The plan yesterday was to get up nice and early, well 11.00 or so which is much earlier than we have been getting up recently and drive home. But there is one small problem with that plan. Can you spot it in the picture below?

Yes that is right whole Global Warming is frying other parts of the planet the Bohemian Mountains are covered in a blanket of all sorts of cold stuff. What a good job that this Cat has a glossy fur coat it is so useful when playing 'where's the road.'

So the delay in getting back to Cat World HQ means that we will just have to do a lot more skiing, partying and generally amusing and enjoying ourselves, sigh life can be so hard sometimes… I understand!

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Global Warming, Skiing, Snow, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Bohemian Mountians

Tired Of Turkey - Try Cat Sushi

2012-01-04T06:26:00.001Z

I found the recipe below for Cat Sushi and thought that all of my wonderful and ultra cuddly Christmasy fans might like to make it while they are on holiday and still full of Turkey, the really great news is that you don't need a 'Cat' as one of the ingredients for Cat Sushi.

You will need a tiny bit of artistic flair and hands unused to handling large hammers, steel pressing machinery and other tough tools so I understand if you decide give this recipe a miss.

Cat Sushi

So if you are serious about creating a masterpiece in Sushi which as a lucky coincidence would have it is also a portrait of me please (I beg you) read the complete instructions before starting it will help both you and me because you will get the recipe right first time and not end up covered in Seaweed and I, thankfully, won't have to repeat myself or clarify any perceived anomalies.

For one roll of sushi, you will need

A little more than one piece of Nori (Nori is the Japanese name for edible seaweed)

Some sushi rice around 6 tablespoons full

Black Sesame Powder

Canned Tuna (Tomato flavoured) to make the orange colour

Pickled ginger - for the pink colour

Soy sauce - for the brown colour

Cut you Nori in half, one bit is used to wrap around the outside of the sushi roll.

After that cut the other half of the seaweed into four equal pieces (not lengthwise to make four long strips but the other way to make the shape in the picture below).

Next you need to colour the rice. Do this by mixing some rice with whatever you're using to colour your rice in a bowl. For each of the colours, you'll only need about 2 large tablespoons of rice.

Now you can begin shaping the Sushi roll

First, make mini rolls using the small pieces of nori which we cut from the second half of the seaweed sheet. As a guide each roll should be 1/8th of the size of the original Seaweed sheet.

Carefully place a small amount of rice on the edge or the Seaweed and roll it up to make a thin roll. You are going to need 3 rolls of white rice and one roll of pink which is for the Cat's mouth and you will need to make two of the white rolls smaller than the white and the pink ones by using less rice and rolling up tightly of course.

Now because Cat's noses are smaller, we make need to make one roll a lot thinner do this if you use a little Black Pepper to colour the rice it will look a lot more like a Cat's nose - a sort of light brown colour.

Now slice one of the white rolls and the pink rolls in half and carefully place the half sheet of nori onto your Sushi mat lengthwise, as we will be rolling 'sideways.'

Spread some white, orange and black rice onto the nori in the pattern shown in the picture above. Make sure that the width of the black and orange stripes is the same as those of the semicircle rolls you made above and of course the white stripe in the middle should also be the same width.

Place the two white semicircle rolls facing upwards onto the red and black lines. Fill the area between them with white rice and then place another layer of rice above this (obviously I didn't put the layer of rice on in the picture above, so the nose ended up on the eyes).

Place the dark brown 'nose' roll in right in the centre of the layer of rice.

Place both of the pink semicircles on top of the 'nose' facing downwards as shown. Then put a layer of rice over and around that so that the middle bit is a bit like a round mountain of rice.

Roll up the sushi using the mat then slice it up with a very sharp knife. If you need to, give the sushi a bit of a 'massage' to get it into the right shape.

Cut thin strips of nori and place them on the Sushi to make whiskers.

Using the two small white rolls from before, cut each into the same thickness as the Cat Sushi for the ears. then place two ears on each Cat Sushi and "hey presto" as rabbit interfering Magicians say - you are done and you will either have a tasty mess or with any luck a plateful of Cat Sushi. Do think of me when you are eating the good looking ones won't you!

A HANDY TIPS

1. - If you are having trouble making clean cuts of your Sushi try this little tip. Moisten your knife with a mixture of water and Vinegar.

2. - Always cut Sushi quickly with one stroke.

3. - Your life will be easier if you wipe any sticky stuff off your blade after every cut.

For the more ambition Sushi makers.

I thought that you might like to see what one of my dear cuddly readers gave me for lunch the other day - "mmh mmh" was all this writer of masterpieces of feline literature could say but then I have heard it is rude to talk with ones mouth full!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Sushi, Turkey, Rice

HAPPY NEW YEAR from The Cat

2012-01-03T06:56:00.001Z

Hello to all my lovely cuddly readers. I thought that I would wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year and let you know that I am still skiing in the Bohemian Mountains, enjoying lots of rest, comfort and everything else that a very hard working and successful Cat should.

As I am on holiday I think that my blogs will be a little short for a few more days but I am sure that you understand because you are all so kind.

I thought that you might like to see a picture of me in the snow, but as I posted it up I suddenly realised that I can't actually see me, I must have slipped out of the picture or behind a rock while Ginger was saying "back, back, left, left, no left a bit more and back." You wait until I see him this morning!

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Bohemia, Christmas, ebook, ebook reader, Free online games, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, Skiing, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite

A Tip For Everyone With A New Ebook Reader

2011-12-25T07:03:00.001Z

I am so pleased for everyone who got an eBook reader for Christmas, aren't they great? Yes of course they are! They can hold hundreds of books and they, in the main, are easy to use.

Here is an essential tip for everyone who got an ereader for Christmas from your friendly superstar Cat. Whatever you do make sure that you download my books to your eReader from either Amazon or my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite shop here The Cat's Webstore

Here are some essential links to Amazon.com that will take you to both Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary or here Amazon's page for The Cat's Travelogue all you have to do is to click the blue line or lines of your choice.

Just so you know what you are looking for here are some pretty pictures of the covers. May I suggest that once you have read my ebooks you order a copy of each book in paper form for your bookcase, they too look wonderful on any bookcase shelf because they have pictures of me on the covers and spines.

Don't forget that those nice people at Amazon.com and also my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite don't stop for Christmas or the New Year and so if you want to fill your brand new shiny eReader, whatever the make, you can do it right now, and of course if you do then you will make a little Cat very happy indeed!

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Christmas, ebook, ebook reader, free online games, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite

So Lego, I Don't Get Lego!

2011-12-23T06:54:00.001Z

Yesterday I walked into a the front room and was treated to the same experience as walking on glass, there was Lego everywhere and the nasty sharp little edges bit and cut my paws, what a shame I wasn't wearing my non-slip booty socks that I am absolutely certain someone will buy me for Christmas - someone who doesn't much care for me of course because we all know I want a Motor Yacht!

I just don't get Lego and can't for the life of me understand the attraction of so many bits and pieces and odd little lego shaped figures. Apparently there is a box of Lego bits that if you have the patience makes something called a Uni Mog and if you are like me this is where you say "so what!"

Why would anyone want to make a lego Uni Mog? I have no idea frankly, and to make matters worse although I have no real clear idea what a 'Uni Mog' looks like I am pretty sure it does't look like the picture below. Just to put the Uni Mog business to bed I should for the sake of detailed reporting say that the Uni Mog is the biggest, most complicated Lego Technic set on sale consists of 2,048 pieces! It costs over $300! What a waste! Imagine for a moment just how many Prawns you can get for three hundred big ones!

I was in London the other day Eurostarring. I had to make some visits to shops featuring my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' and sign them for the throngs of happy people who had waited hours in the rain in Brussels, Paris and London, well I say 'happy' that of course is a little truth wrestling the crowds weren't happy to wait in the rain but they cheered up with a few personally 'pawed' (my way of signing) books.

I had just stepped off the rather dirty Eurostar train and was confronted by the 40 ft high Lego Christmas Tree in the main concourse of St Pancras Station which apparently according to the sign standing, mainly unread, in front of it was made using 600,000 pieces by the children from the Harpenden Explorer Scouts, Edith Neville Primary School in Camden and Copenhagen Primary School in Islington.

The forlorn sign under the Christmas Tree where in a normal world wrapped presents would sit goes on to say that the Lego Christmas Tree took the young ones 'just' two months to build.

What a shame they wasted their time, like all things 'Lego' the Lego Christmas looks very little like the real life object. But then the world isn't real is it and the only reason there aren't any presents under the Lego Christmas Tree is that a pile of presents would be a wonderful place to leave a rather 'unchristmasy' bomb.

Do you think that the Lego Christmas Tree was worth all that trouble? Just look at the terrible tyre marks made by the crane thinly that put it together to say nothing of the school time wasted by the children who 'helped' decorate it, surely they would be better off reading err… my books for instance.

Technorati Tags:
Christmas, The Cat, The Cats Travelogue, Lego, Lego Christmas tree, Eurostar

Happy Christmas - Your card

2011-12-21T06:32:00.001Z

I would like to say thank you to every one of my wonderful cuddly readers who buy my books in their thousands, read my blog, send me presents, offer kind words and do such wonderful things for me (although I am tapping my paw over the Motor Yacht, I have to say).

As the card says Happy Christmas and Purrs to you all.

The Cat

It's Time To Go Up To The Mountains Again

2011-12-20T11:19:00.001Z

As the title correctly says for a lot of us it is time nearly to slide into some shiny Gore-Tex, sharpen our elbows and practice being rude to anyone who gets in our way as preparation for attacking the nearest ski slope! Or it would be if you are going skiing anywhere that caters for the British and German riff raft tourist.

The areas blighted by these ignorant ski slope bullies include most of France, Austria and Italy and unfortunately a lot of the slopes on the west coast of the US.

If you want a nice quiet ski without being knocked over by some idiot who believes that they can ski in-between breaking a leg then the best place to go is, in my case, 'local.'

There is of course is yet another reason to go 'local' this year and that reason is that a lot of the 'popular' (and for 'popular' just substitute 'cheap' ski resorts where the skiing riff raff assemble to knock each other over on the slopes by day and drink each other under the table by night) don't actually have any snow - something to do apparently with global warming.

Still never mind about the riff raff happily they won't be skiing where I am going skiing this year or indeed where we took a little Winter hol at the begging of this year, as you can see from the picture below we went to Switzerland at the beginning of the year.

I have to say that Switzerland is a spooky place. While we were up in the Swiss Mountains we decided to take a tour of the many and various Cheese and Watch factories instead of skiing it is amazing what you will do when you get bored isn't it?

Anyway we hopped on the Snow-Express which is the name for a little coach tour can you imagine our surprise at the name of the tour company? Well happily though of you who are hard of understanding and imagining don't have to imagine actually or indeed to imagine too hard because it's on the back of the bright red coach below.

I have to say that after the unusual experience of our little wwwank-tour we felt rather glad to be back on the ski lifts the next day as you can imagine.

I have to say I love ski lifts, probably more than skiing, well you try skiing with four skis strapped to your feet! Skiing is hard enough to do when you just have the two! Although I don't like the concept of snowboarding I've had a go a couple of times now and think that it's really a way of getting down a snow covered mountain that was probably designed more for Cats to use than for humans. I took to it like a Duck to water.

So this year when I go skiing I won't be getting someone to lug all of my skis to the slopes I will just get them to carry my snowboard instead.

Although nothing to do with any of the above really, I mentioned that I was going off skiing in the New Year to Špindlerův Mlýn in the Krkonoše Mountains which is one of the highest and the most popular mountain ranges in Bohemia and indeed the Czech Republic's best known ski areas and a nice group of Czech fans of The Cat who writes blogs made some Cat Cup Cakes just for me, aren't they nice - the cup cakes and the fans!

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
British, Czech Republic, France, free on-line games, German, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Italy, New Year, online games, Switzerland, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, US, www - wickedly wonderful website, The Cat Cup Cakes, Cup Cakes, Špindlerův Mlýn, Skiing, Ski, Krkonoše Mountains, Austria, Bohemia

Why Are Cats So Much Better Than Humans - An Occasional Series By The Cat

2011-12-19T09:46:00.001Z

1. Seeing in the Dark

Cats are only able to see the same colours as a colour blind person these colours are yellows, blues and violets all of which means Cats can't see reds, greens or oranges. This is because, while the retinas of Cats are similar to humans, they contain two types of light-receptors called rods and cones, humans are different and have more of the cone types than rods and it's these cones that are responsible for colour vision.

Happily Cats and for that matter Dogs (if they really mattered of course) have more rods and it's the rods that are the receptors responsible for seeing in the dark.

This means that Cats may have poorer colour vision than humans, but fortunately we have far superior night vision, and as an extra bonus we are so much better at tracking movement all of which means that clever Cats can see things eight times better than mere humans in the dark.

For the Record

It must be stated that Cat's, unlike Sid the Sunglass Cat (pictured), do not normally wear sunglasses, or should that read - normal Cats do not normally wear sunglasses?

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cats, Dogs, Humans, Sunglasses, Catseye, Sid the Sunglasses Cat, See in the dark, Colour Blind, Superior

There Is Something Wrong With This Message, But I Don't Know What It Is!

2011-12-16T06:51:00.001Z

There definitely is something very wrong with this sign and what it says, but I don't, for the life of me, know what on earth it is, do you?

I think I know why I have no idea what the human who made this sign was thinking about because I am a nice Cat and I was not only well brought up but I am also really rather innocent.

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat blog, Cat Blogger, Cat's Diary, feline masterpiece, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, Sign, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com/videos, wrong

My NASA Flight Certificate

2011-12-15T07:29:00.001Z

I don't know if any of my wonderfully cuddly readers remember my post Nasa Face in Space Update which I published on my wonderful blog in March 4th this year? I am sure they do a lot of people remember blogs from the Cat who writes blogs.

If you remember, that's great; if not just click the link above and catch up with the rest of us and then do feel free to read on because I have something wonderful to tell you and it will probably be more impressive if you are 'up to speed' as they say to the more challenged among us who have a tendency to fall behind.

So now that we are all 'on the same page,' which is course yet another euphemism used when talking to the 'slower ones' among us now that we can't use words like 'remedial,' 'monks,''thick' and so on and so forth, I have something wonderful to tell you!

Yesterday I received my certificate from Nasa which certifies that I took a journey on the second to last Space Shuttle the STS-134 as it's known among us Catsmonaut's. Oddly enough the certificate reads that "the face of The Cat has flown in space aboard the Space Shuttle Endeavour on mission STS-134 from May 16 - June 1, 2011."

Yes that is what I thought it's an odd way of saying I was there with the guys but you know Americans they do have their own way of tangling with the English language forever wanting it to be more um… 'American' bless them.

Yesterday I signed Space Shuttle Program tribute wall because I just wanted to tell NASA how wonderful they are and if you would like to honour the amazing people who helped to design, build and fly the Space Shuttle, not to mention those who emptied the toilets, then you too can sign the wall and pay tribute to the Space Shuttle Program here Space Shuttle Program Tribute Wall.

I honestly recommend that you do this. NASA do an amazing job and I have always wanted to thank them, for not only letting me fly into space on a safe Space Shuttle, but also for the wonderful work they do, thanks NASA and I know that will mean a lot to all of you over there in the US.

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
bestseller, bestselling book, free games, free on-line games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, masterpiece, Space Shuttle, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Nasa, Nasa Face in Space, Face in Space, Catsmonaut's, STS-134

'Puss In Boots' - The Rumours

2011-12-14T10:58:00.001Z

I have been asked constantly recently a range of questions about poor old Dreamworks' latest chump of a movie 'Puss In Boots!'

The questions range include;

1. Is there any thing I can do to help Dreamworks write either a funny or successful movie (or preferably both) in the future?

2. Is there anything I can do for this turkey of a movie that they have in the Movie houses at the moment?

3. Can I think of anything to do with enormous surplus of 'Puss In Boots' merchandise that Dreamworks have.

The sad fact (and I have a feeling that the Cat already knows it judging but his pose in the picture above) is that I can't help the movie or the people behind it or assist in shifting tons of 'Puss In Boots' figures, cuddly toys, action sets. Although I do believe that I could find a use for any 'Puss In Boots' toilet paper!

'Puss In Boots' the movie suffers from being spun from a rather frail character in a successful franchise, like so many TV series that none of us can quiet remember.

The movie itself suffers from the fact that Dreamworks really doesn't have any idea what young people find interesting, funny and most of all engaging; indeed I wonder if any grown-ups at Dreamworks asked even just one child if they liked actually liked 'Puss In Boots?' And not the one caught up in the obvious regard that they had for the Puss in footwear in Shrek.

The original 'Puss in Boots' story always bored the diapers off me when I was a kitten! And I am sure that goes for normal ordinary children as well.

The reason why 'Shrek' was so successful was that it was 'different' the reason why 'Puss In Boots' is a Dog of a movie and has had incredibly disappointing box office receipts is that it is just um, err, well, just that it's bland, grey, tired, unoriginal - need I say more?

So onto something that is wonderful, colourful, funny, marvellous and the work of a genius and I have to say closer to my heart and will make a small fortune. I am currently looking for funding for a movie based on my first masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and judging by the fact that people with money are idiots and to prove that have invested heavily in a mess of a movie like 'Puss In Boots' I am expecting the cash any day.

As far as I can tell I think I have only one problem, and that is that if the idiots with money are prepared to pour so much cash into a Donkey of a project like 'Puss In Boots' will they put vast sums of money into something that is brilliantly written, desperately funny, and a work of some considerable genius! It is probably doubtful because that would require taste and imagination!

Can you see that I am face by an awful dilemma! Should I dumb down the script, take out the jokes and worse base my story on a tired nursery rhythm or English Pantomime? And believe it or not there is yet another problem with that scenario!

Are there any tired children's stories left? Haven't Disney and Dreamworks animated all of them already and are now at their wits end running around saying "oh no, we have to do something original now!"

Of course that won't get them anywhere you only have to look at Pixar to see that, they provide movies with amazing technical brilliance, incredible animated tricks and so on and so forth but the storylines tend to be weak.

Just think of any of those dreadful driving movies staring someone called 'Vin,' the special effects are um… 'special' but that's as far as it goes. Once you have seen a string of special effects you tend to be immune to them but not to the drone of the movie.

So if you have a few mill or even a few thou don't let it go to waste, buy a share in what will be the animated movie moment of the century and help fund my wonderful movie as soon as possible so that we can get on with the production of that and the sequel at the same time.

If you need to have a quick read of my wonderful book before you decided to fund my movie then you can get it here Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com and of course the movie sequel here Paperback edition of The Cat's Travelogue and do get a move on, I want to start filming as early as possible, I am a Cat who writes blogs who is in a hurry to be the first Cat to win an Oscar.

Technorati Tags:
Disney, Dreamworks, Oscar, Pixar, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, Puss in Boots

Tommaso The Italian Black Cat Inherits $13 million

2011-12-13T08:07:00.001Z

Tommaso, a 4 year old black Cat, who until recently, was a stray from the mean streets of Rome, is thought to have become the world's richest Cat.

Following the sad death of Tommaso's 94 year old human last month, Tommaso has become a property magnate — or as some would call him a 'mognate' — who now owns and manages a handsome property portfolio, and is doing a better job of it than than most bankers, worth an estimated €10m dotted across Italy from Milan in the north to Calabria in the south.

Below is a picture of the view from one of Tommaso's windows and him looking out over one or two of his properties before lunch.

Unfortunately under Italian law, animals cannot inherit directly which seems rather disgusting for this Cat who writes blogs and who is expecting at least one inheritance any day now if there is anyone out there who isn't feeling too well and wants to name him, happily this Cat doesn't live in Italy so do make sure your wills are up to date and that the spelling of the main beneficiary is correct here it's just for you THE CAT.

Happily there was a little wrinkle in Italian law which has allowed Tommaso to get what was coming to him as long as he had a 'suitable trustee' and so Tommaso's human decided to entrust him and his fortune – to a lady and fellow Cat lover she met in a park and they became firm friends. "Sometimes I'd go to her house so my Cat could play with Tommaso," Stefania who is now Tommaso's trustee said.

When Tommaso's human became too frail to look after herself Stefania, who is a nurse by profession, began to take care of her on a full time basis.

And now Tommaso's lives with Stefania at an undisclosed address outside Rome, which is well away from the fortune hunters, con-artists and all of the others who think a Cat doesn't need that sort of sum in a lump?

If you want to make this Cat richer than Tommaso this Christmas and your plans don't include wills and dying then happily there is a very neat way to do just that and immediately simply click on either or both of the nice Amazonian links below and buy dozens of my books, they make great Christmas present, birthday presents and I have been told even if you don't like them they make great door stops though you tend to been a pile of at least ten or that is what prince charles said.

Technorati Tags:
Black Cat, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Italy, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, Milan, Rome, Calabria

After Being Attacked By A Lion Christmas Comes To My Website

2011-12-12T10:20:00.001Z

Ok I know that I have been "out of the loop," as they say for a short while. I am sure that you have noticed that your favourite Cat who writes blogs and more has been missing from the internet, not making a single Tweet on Twitter.com and unable to perform even the most basic computerised chore - but I have a great excuse.

To write my masterpieces of Feline Literature, compose wonderful award winning blogs and generally get in most people's way electronically, I use an Apple Computer, I have used one for years, but I don't want all of my wonderful cuddly readers to think that I am a computer bore on top of all of the other subjects which I can, and do, bore them with, so I won't go into just how long I have been a Apple user or at the heartbreak caused by being left out of Steve Jobs Biography completely! But that is another story for another blog I fear.

Right now I want to tell you of the awful problem that I have spent the weekend trying to resolve with my Computer Boffins here at Cat World HQ.

Trying not to sound too dramatic (of course and failing) all I can say is that I have been attacked by a Lion.

The Lion took the form of a so called 'operating system.' In fact I spent most of the weekend trying to fix all sorts of madness and confusion that installing Mac OSX Lion caused.

From watching my mouse pointer go backwards to my zippy computer being reduced to the pace of Dave the Cat on a stroll - I probably have to explain here that Dave the Cat hates walking, and even strolling for that matter, I personally think it has a lot to do with the bobble hat, it covers his eyes as you will know if you are a regular reader and if you aren't I'm not going to help you here, you'll just delve into my archives and find out the connection for yourself. It's enough to say that I think I have seen twigs walk faster than Dave the Cat if you ever a manage to trick him into a walk.

There are loads of problems, as I discovered, with Mac OSX Lion and they are all to disappointing and frustrating to mention here frankly, but I will say this I used to love Apple…

Still I think I have managed to sort out most of the problems with the help of my light-fingered boffins - not they aren't that clever with their hands to be called 'light-fingered' the description comes from their habit of pocketing all of my nice little screwdrivers, pens and pencils, still what can you do? As I explain in the book I am writing at the moment which has the working title of 'The Cat's Memoir' (so that you know who wrote it) getting 'help' that is useful is practically impossible.

Still to cut a story that seems to be getting longer short when I finished downloading Mac OSX Lion it was very unstable now it is just simply terrible.

I can't think where I went wrong with Mac OSX Lion! Like an sensible computer user of long standing I am not an early adopter I let other fools rush in and watch their tears at leisure.

Unfortunately I needed to upgrade from the wonderfully cool Snow Leopard to Lion because I wanted to be part of the iPhone,iPod, iPad 'app' development process for an 'app' that the boffins and I have decided you my dear cuddly readers need and so I had to upgrade to Mac OSX Lion so that I could use the latest app development software.

Mistakenly, but confidently (at the time), I thought that as Lion was on its 10.7.2 incarnation it would be "a-okay" as they say when things are um 'ok' I suppose.

Grudingly I paid my real hard earned folding stuff to get a virtual product and like you, I am sure, felt cheated from the moment I watched with a tear rolling down my furry cheek the sum disappear from my bank account electronically, it's amazing just how that happens, if we tried getting cash in the same way at night I bet we'd fail.

Lion OSX 10.7.2 arrived and I have to say, at the time, I was excited I have rather enjoyed the 'Cat' series of Apple Operating Systems and still get excited at the tantalising prospect that the final and ultimate incarnation of this (till now) amazing product could be 'The Cat OSX' with a picture of you know who on the box, cover or downloading badge.

Isn't that picture wonderful? I think so and I am confident that with the final Cat representing the Mac OSX being me The Cat, Apple will go from a company doing quite well to one that is unbelievably successful, but sadly I think we are digressing here, my time like Apple's will come.

Lion arrived and what can I say? Maybe it should have arrived with a notice like this one from San Diego Zoo……….

Actually I have to say that Mac OSX Lion arrived reasonably quickly thanks to the Czech republic considering that fast broadband was something that would not only prove to be 'handy' for everyone but also would help business.

Unlike some backward countries like oh say for instance Cameronland, the island that is now totally isolated from Europe and soon to be free from Scotland and Ireland with any luck but not if the Chief can help it which of course means that it will happen very soon now.

Isn't it odd that the Chief of Cameronland wants to stick with the 'Micks' and the 'Jocks' and have nothing to do with the other "Johnny foreigners" in Europe as I believe he calls them.

Still I suppose you can't moan too much about idiots like the Chief of Cameronland who at least has been elected fairly. Unlike the Gremlin in The Kremlin who at long last has been seen for what he is by the Russian People - I am taking bets that 'Putin the Bootin' will be the next thing the hamfisted government will do in 'free' Russia, then there will be a 'Moscow Winter' followed by a 'Russian Spring' and he will be out of the game completely by the 'Russian Federation Fall.'

Oops did I say we were veering off the point - sorry we have done that again but there is so much going on and without a computer that was working properly thanks to Mac OSX Lion I haven't been able to see any news, talk to anyone and do all of the rest of the stuff that you expect to be able to do these days.

So here at long last is a nice picture of my Christmas Lights which I managed to put up on my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com at long last. So that it could complement the snow that I mentioned in this blog - blog.thecatsdiary.com/2011/11/27/snow-comes-to-my-website-blog.

Now if only I could get the snow to work on my home page once again I would be a happy Cat, but I probably won't be happy until ! am free from a certain Lion which seems to have its paw on my head all the time!

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
Apple, Apple Computers, Cat who writes blogs, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, iPad, iPod Touch, Ireland, Lion, Moscow, Putin, Scotland, The Cat, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Mac OSX Lion, app, Cameron

Is This The Saddest Dog In The World? Or One Of The Nicest?

2011-12-09T08:34:00.001Z

Bentley the Border Collie is probably the saddest Dog in Britain, if not the world.

He has had a trying and very difficult life bless him and it has left him scared of Cats, afraid of the dark, suffering from monophobia, the fear of being alone, he has very sore paws because he suffers from such bad anxiety attacks that he bites his nails in fact he has to wear mittens on his feet to stop him making them worse but worst of all poor Bentley the Border Collie (aged six) desperately needs a new home and we all know that is going to be his biggest challenge because getting a new home is hard enough, but when you are in desperate need of masses of love, companionship and reassurance you might be considered a bit 'difficult.'

Bentley the Border Collie isn't difficult in any way though, the main cause of all of his ails is anxiety which started soon after his first human's death and it didn't help that his second human was unable to cope with his constant need for reassurance, cuddles and company.

Bentley the Border Collie tends to cower away from Cats, even when they are only on the TV, which suggests that he is not really as cowardly as most humans think and is actually showing a lot of intelligence! Cats are always up for a bit of 'Boxing' with a Dog no matter how big they are (the Dogs that is)and Dogs almost always come off worse, but that is only one on one or "Cato a Dogo" as they say in um... err... somewhere 'Latin!'

Dogs have a tendency for wandering around in packs and a pack of Dogs is a bit of a pawful for any Cat,all of which means it's a good job we can climb or so this Cat the Cat who writes blogs thinks, but I am veering away from the star of my blog today Bentley the Border Collie.

Unfortunately if the doorbell rings Bentley the Border Collie goes into orbit, yes you guessed it this distressed Doggie is frightened of not only the doorbell but what might also be outside in the dark.

Not all is doom and gloom for Bentley the Border Collie the lady who manages the Dog's Home where he is currently spending his days, at night he is taken home by one of the carers who at first felt sorry for him and now just enjoys his company, and that is because this blue bow wow's behaviour changes completely when he is surrounded by humans and happily he loses all his little ways, problems and insecurities.

All Bentley the Border Collie is a bit of love and company a home where at least one person is home for the
most of the day and night. Bentley loves human company both adults and children and when with them will happily play, fetch the usual stuff that fits in a mouth and then snuggle down and curl up on a conveniently situated lap after a long walk.

Bentley the Border Collie just needs is a second chance really he has had a difficult time so far in his short life and needs to forget the trauma of losing a loved one when he was young and enjoy the rest of his life being just a normal Dog let's hope that this Christmas Bentley the Border Collie finds a home along with all of the other animals who are in shelters.

As it was such a success I have brought back my little Christmas Quiz

Unfortunately the people who won last time can't enter this time!

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat's Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat's Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat's Travelogue

All correct answers (written on a postcard) and sent to me at my email address will get a really big prize - no not a Motor Yacht that's what I want. Mmh it still doesn't seem as though I have got the quiz format quite right yet! I may try again next week which of course means there will be more prizes up for grabs so do visit my blog again soon. Did I ever tell you I like having you here!

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
Cats, Christmas, Dog, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Quiz, The Cat, The Cat who writes books, The Cat's Blog, The Cats Travelogue, TV, Bentley the Border Collie, monophobia, Christmas Quiz, Border Collie, love, companionship, reassurance, Boxing, Latin

Camouflage - A Hidden Art

2011-12-08T08:02:00.001Z

I was talking to Hugh Grant the other day and we both agreed that being a celebrity can be hard, if it isn't the Murdoch run newspapers trying to tap your phone, open you mail and go through your empties it's the wonderful general public, bless them all, who can get a little carried away and storm your book signings just wanting to stroke you, and I have to say that happens to me a lot although I was surprised to hear that it happened to Huge (my pet name for Hugh).

Sometimes this Cat who writes blogs thinks that as a celebrity in constant demand by an adoring public you just have to get away, go into hiding or use camouflage, Hugh was of the same opinion but tends to think that you can hide from the public in a car parked round the back of a busy well lit street, still it takes all sorts to make the world dizzy doesn't it?

Between you and me I have been using camouflage for a while now to avoid the glare of the public and the peeping Toms of the press and believe that camouflage is a very wonderful thing.

Just today I was leafing through a copy of my newspaper and spotted a whole section of pictures dedicated to animals and insects who are really rather good at camouflaging themselves.

I have to say that article was an altogether more interesting than another which reported that Madonna, (with an emphasis on the 'Mad' she is obviously going through some sort of mid-life experience), said that the duchess of Cambridge (if you don't know who she is here's a tip, she's the anorexic looking newest royal, who depending upon the newspaper you read is expecting one or several babies, if that is true where is the bulge then - in a surrogate?) is “lovely girl with great sense of style.” Sorry Madonna I think it's time to hang up your sling backs darling cos baby doll you have lost it!

Instead of offering you a picture of the tired but blousy Madonna or the Mousey but skinny duchess of Cambridge I thought I would let my wonderful readers have a gawp at some amazing camouflage pictures I was so impressed with. Not all of them are animals or insects as you will see and for one sadly no amount of camouflage will help her appearance.

So without further ado or character assassination I give you my little tribute to camouflage and the beasts that use it.

To start with how about the Leaf-tailed Gecko, aka the Satanic Leaf-tailed Gecko who blends in wonderfully with a rustle of old brown dried leaves this one lives in the Andasibe-Mantadia National Park in Madagascar?

Or what about a Bat-faced Toad who has taken a tip form the Satanic Leaf-tailed Gecko above and is hiding amongst a crust of dead leaves in the Amacayacu National Park in Colombia?

Then there is the oddly named White Crab Spider sitting on a flower near you, if you happen to live in the south of England or Wales.

Humans can create excellent camouflage if they have the patience and artistic ability, but sadly unlike the animals above when they move the illusion is shattered. Let's hope that this lady stays still because I think she has forgotten to get dressed this morning!

Lastly, and that is where every one of all of the dozens of English queens, dukes, duchesses, princesses and princes of benefit dependency - the English royal family - would come if they weren't so privileged, we have the amazing camouflage of the duchess of somewhere that was invented especially to accommodate her.

As you can see she blends in rather well with the soldiers, some might say that she looks the most 'rugged' of them all!

Do you like me wonder what she is pointing at around that soldier's crutch? She seems to be very interested in 'something' down 'there' don't you think?

If you want to see more of these overrated royal individuals they can be found posing in army, navy and air force uniforms on state occasions (which makes you wonder if the English state isn't a military one?).

Oddly enough the royals are almost always dressed up in very high ranking positions in their chosen armed force I wonder just how they earned this exulted ranks? Beats me!

If you want to get a good look at the English royal family the best place to spot them is on holiday somewhere very warm while the British newspapers sing their praises and extoll their virtues at home telling the English people just how hard the royals are working!

Technorati Tags:
English, Hugh Grant, The Cat who writes blogs, Toads, Wales, Camouflage, Murdoch, Madonna, duchess of Cambridge, Gecko, Andasibe-Mantadia National Park, Madagascar, Columbia, Spider, South of England, English royal family, dukes, queens, duchesses, princes, princesses, British Newspapers

Titanic Stuff

2011-12-06T08:02:00.001Z

Although I love luxury ocean going liners, mainly because they have a degree of comfort that strikes the right cord with me unlike say a Virgin 747 which is a tawdry affair in every respect, there is something I don't like about the Titanic and it isn't accessibility!

In fact I'm sure that the Titanic which sunk 100 years ago next April 15th was one of the most comfortable liners ever built, what I don't like is the recent craze of either visiting the wreck or making a yard sale of the bric-a-brac that has been scooped up from wreck site!

Somehow all of that cheapens the suffering and sacrifice of those who either went down with the Titanic deliberately or didn't have a lot of choice in the matter and yet now you can, if you feel so inclined, buy their coat buttons or the the china they had their last cup of tea ever in sounds disgusting doesn't it and I bet that it's all about to get even worse when the centenary year of the sinking arrives in just a few weeks time.

I bet that right now there are millions of hamfisted Chinese workers putting the glaring finishing touches to all sorts of really badly made merchandise, which as they pack it falls apart, that will flood the market for the 100th anniversary of such a tragic event. There will be documentaries, news reports, travelling exhibitions and goodness forbid another version of the movie probably in 3D!

I tell you what there might not be Siamese twins and Bearded ladies in travelling circuses these days but you 'modern' and 'enlightened' humans still have your own version of that sort of thing don't you! It's enough to make a Cat who writes blogs cringe!

There is one item that I recently came across that celebrates the Titanic but happily it wasn't recovered by grave robbers, it was made this year and best of all it is a lot of fun, it is called the Titanic Lamp and I think I want at least one, it will look great on my motor yacht (which I mentioned a few blogs ago) so if anyone wants to send me a Titanic Lamp do let me know and I will give you a delivery address, oh by the way if anyone wants to send me a motor yacht and they have a very big one to spare, with a Captain and some mates, then do let me know about that too. I know that a lot of my dear cuddly readers want only the best for me so I can't wait to see my new motor yacht!

If you don't have a motor yacht to spare then the next best thing would be to buy dozens if not hundreds of my books here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition, Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com if you would like ebook editions do use the links at these pages it saves me boring you with loads of links here, yes I am nice aren't I!

Unfortunately I don't know exactly how many books or ebooks you have to buy to ensure that I get a nice big motor yacht so just to be on the safe side it might be best to buy a couple of thousand copies each of my books and I'll let you know how we get on!

Technorati Tags:
Cat who writes blogs, Chinese, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cats Travelogue, Titanic, motor yacht, Bearded lady, Siamese Twins, Virgin 747

A Very Confusing Sign

2011-12-05T08:12:00.001Z

I think that most people and Cats would agree that men's rooms are not really very nice places, and definitely not places where one would want to linger, unless you are a policeman attempting to catch poor old Mr. George Michael in another weak moment I suppose. However just because men's rooms are not very nice places that doesn't mean that visitors should be expected to lower their standards when they enter them does it?

So would someone please tell the Taiwanese that! And if possible do so immediately!

Mind you, if most Taiwanese are anything like the ones who used to constantly call my mobile trying to sell me something that rhymes with 'rap' then they probably wouldn't listen. Their nuisance calls got so bad that in the end the only way I could get rid of them was to pretend that I was my brother and answer the phone with a sob then tell then ten times that I was 'dead!'

They obviously are a bit hard of understanding in Taiwan because it took me that number of times to sob and blurt out the awful 'truth' tee hee.

Do use this tactic on unwanted callers if you are fed up with feeling like a sitting duck with a phone waiting for the next completely unsolicited and unwanted call because there is no other way to stop these dreadful people who intrude upon our lives.

The phone regulator that you and I pay for as a hidden 'extra' on our phone bill is desperately useless and usually the people making these nuisance calls have hidden or nonexistent numbers.

You can of course 'improve' their English by swearing at them but I have personally found on every occasion I have adopted that tactic that, because of their trade and the number of people who have sworn at them, you really have to stretch your vocabulary to find something new that they haven't been called before and even that won't shock them into not calling you in the future!

The Cat would like to wish Mr. George Michael a speedy recovery and tell him when he reads this that, "I like his tunes!"

About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cats, Cats Diary, free games, free on-line games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, on-line games, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, George Michael, Taiwanese

They've Nearly Found The God Particle!

2011-12-02T07:07:00.001Z

Scientists at the Cern Laboratory in Switzerland and my front room say that they are very close to finding the God particle. Using the Large Hadron Collider and a Fingertip Search down the back of my sofa they have, they say, got very close to the elusive god particle and that means that they are the verge to announcing their evidence.

Just in case you aren't sure the picture above is of the Cern Laboratory and the one below is of my front room, the sofa that scientists have been studying is the leather one on the right!

Cutting through all of the scientific waffle I am happy to let all of my cuddle readers into what until now has been a great big secret, without (hopefully) ruining the scientist's 'big day.' The god particle that the boys and girls at Cern and my from room have discovered is a tiny bit of dandruff that I shed years ago and it's said that in the hands of a well trained scientist this tiny piece of scientific gold can be used to clone more good looking geniuses like me.

Below is a photograph of my god particle dandruff taken while it was being scanned with a reflection electron microscope, the magnification is about 10,000,000x and that means that what appears to be an alien city, on an alien world with tiny beings inhabiting it, is no threat to mankind whatsoever because the tiny aliens and their world are really so very small. So there would be no point in training any nuclear missiles at my flake of dandruff I promise or indeed any other potential threats from my skin, if I had dandruff these days which I have to stress I don't thanks to years of hard research by another scientists Dame Eumelanin Wella!

So taking a deep breath I would just like to take a moment with you all my dear cuddly readers for some quiet and maybe a little refection to consider this momentous discovery by the boys and girls at Cern and my front room, err... yes you can hold hands if you want to, but please don't call me the prophet!

What has been achieved at Cern is... well you know, err... um... big! The whole endeavour is enormous, dangerous some say, but then it would be with so many people from different countries working there wouldn't it. Whatever Cern is you must all agree it's spectacular and happily as I have said before it's built under a part of the world that if it had caused the vortex to open and Zardoz and his screaming minions to leap out not many people would have noticed.

Happily the outcome is one that we can all celebrate and although some are referring to my tiny flake of dandruff as the 'god particle' and by association me as 'godlike,' I just prefer to think that what has been achieved by the scientists at Cern and in my front room is so far beyond the comprehension of most of us that everyone from believers in the old chap with a snowy white beard, to the one who is an odd colour and has several more arms than one would think anyone could possibly need, to (and even at the risk of a fatwā or two), Allah.

What could be better than that, the scientists are happy, the religious followers will be happy sadly fanatics from the Tea Party to the Taliban won't be happy with this momentous news, but then until they change their way of looking at the world they will never be happy with anything which is a shame.

It almost goes without saying that I'm happy for everyone involved. Mmh is that a little godlike possibly!

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
bestseller, Feline Literature, free games, free online games, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, God, Switzerland, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com/videos, Cern, Tea party, Allah, Taliban, fatwā, Zardoz, Cern Laboratory

Stray Animal Holocaust - Shame On You Ukraine

2011-12-01T07:59:00.001Z

In spite of protests across the world and in the Ukraine to date, over 20,000 stray Dogs and Cats have been slaughtered Kiev in a misguided and cruel bid to tidy up the streets for a Football Competition the Euro 2012.

After a public outcry earlier this month the Kiev government said it was to stop shooting or poisoning strays animals the authorities claim that stray animals were to be rounded up and taken to animal shelters instead.

However Judith Pein, of the German branch of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), claimed the slaughter was still happening and that "these killings are directly related to Ukraine hosting Euro 2012." She also commented that, "stray killing is a profitable business."

Just looking at the conflicting statements from the government of Ukraine you can see just what a bunch of heartless liars they are!

Ukraine Government Press Releases

November 4th 2011 Kiev

Ukraine to build shelters for stray dogs...

Ukraine will build shelters for stray dogs in big cities ahead of the Euro 2012 football championship, the government has announced.

November 18th 2011 Kiev

Environment Minister Mykola Zlochevsky calls for end to stray animals' killing...

Mykola Zlochevsky Environment Minister has called for an end to stray animals' killing ahead of the Euro 2012 Soccer Championship

To Date the Killing Goes On

From the Docs4Dogs European Network website Docs4Dogs.org

"Tidy streets" for the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine: Stray Dogs and Cats are burnt alive.

Ukraine in the year 2011: In the last few months there have been mobile crematoria driving around in the streets of Kiev and other districts. The driver and his crews’ duty is to kill stray Dogs and Cats. Occasionally, the animals are burnt alive in these mobile crematoria, where they perish with inexpressible pain.

The background of this cruel "cleanup policy" is the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine: The masses of expected foreign visitors shall not be confronted with stray animals. That is the reason why defenseless animals are beaten to death, poisoned, or burnt alive in these mobile crematoria.

The Union of European Football Associations [UEFA] also strongly criticises the public authorities in the Ukraine for these actions, and has offered them a financial support for castrations of stray cats and dogs to enable animal rights activists to solve the problem of stray animals in a responsible and humane way. Until now, the public authorities of the Ukraine have only shown negative reactions towards the protests of animal rights activists: They are putting animal rights activists under pressure by asking them to stop the international protests.

Do sign the petition but please don't feel obligated to donate to Docs4Dogs (I have 'cleaned' their donate button off the picture above). I have to stress that the Cat who writes blogs is not endorsing the work of Docs4Dogs.org in anyway whatsoever just the fact that they, like me, care about the welfare of animals (especially Cats in my case) the only difference is that I don't ask for donations, I might of course occasional suggest you buy a book, and even use a bit of emotional blackmail, but a Cat has got to live and keep a roof over his head these days because it's a bad time to be a stray.

Personally I don't like the in your face attitude of most multinational charities who seem these days to believe that they have some sort of divine right to the hard earned cash in your pocket! Oh yes a lot of them say that they stand for change and then you discover that they have financial agreements and contracts with all sorts of unsavoury entities including but not exclusive of governments.

Finally if you are a football supporter I hope you will ask yourself if you really should be watching the European Football Championship 2012 in the Ukraine when you consider the suffering of in excess of 20,000 animals.

Some of the matches are being played in Poland and there are no Animal Holocausts being carried out in Warsaw or other Polish cities, so if want to watch a European Football Championship 2012 match do please go to one in Poland you may well find that the people there are much nicer than Ukrainains!

Technorati Tags:
The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, Ukraine, 2012 Euro, Mykola Zlochevsky, 2012 European Football Championships, Kiev, Warsaw, Poland, Docs4Dogs, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA, Strays, Stray Cats, Stray Dogs, Euro 2012 Soccer Championship

Everyone Loves A Fart Joke

2011-11-30T06:20:00.001Z

As the title says, everyone loves a fart joke although in my books and blogs I try to keep farting to a minimum, but it creeps in occasionally - as the actress said to the Bishop! Boom Boom!

Even though I do try to stop a fart appearing now and again in my books and blogs, the Cat who writes blogs couldn't resist this photograph which I think should be entitled Where To Shop For A Small Explosion that being the first bit of the first line of the definition of a 'fart' in the 26 or so volume Oxford English Dictionary which adds that "the small explosion takes place between the legs" bless them - the dictionary people not the farters you understand!

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
Fart, free games, free online games, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Jokes, online games, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Blog, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cat's Website, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Joke, Farters, Oxford English Dictionary

Shoes, Feet And Other 'Insults'

2011-11-29T08:39:00.001Z

I was going through some old pictures and when I came across this one (below) it reminded me of my aimless wanderings that resulted in the writing of my wonderful masterpiece 'The Cat's Travelogue' (if you are one of the few people on the planet not to have a copy you can get it discreetly here www.amazon.com and no one will ever know that you didn't have one of the latest trendiest 'must have consumer products' because you can pretend that you had it all the time).

The picture comes from the ultra modern high rising cement constructed emirate of UAE and brought back all sorts of dreadful memories of a place where the contradictions of life are many, various and confusing to say nothing of their translations into English!

Imagine spending $20 billion on an hotel - imagine the Burj Khalifa - and then try to imagine why you wouldn't spend $20 on correctly translating a sign from Gulf Arabic to English, if you can do that then you can imagine just what life is like in Dubai or the UAE!

The UAE is a place where 'foreigners' are loathed, but welcomed so that they can fill the seven star hotels and try their hardest to buy at least a tenth of all of the dreadful modern and over priced real estate that has been thrown up for them on newly created 'islands' in the middle of enormous lagoons which are now sadly sinking back into the depths of the lagoons from where they were dredged up.

The UAE is a place that likes to pretend that it is modern, go ahead and forward thinking but can't do more than pretend, take a recent innocent example of a multinational shoe manufacturer (Puma) who thought that the very rich inhabitants of the UAE and the tourists, who troll around the place gaping at the enormous buildings, pleasure parks and the greater number of building sites where construction has ground to a halt, would like a pair of trainers with the UAE flag plastered all over them.

These 'special edition shoes' (whatever that can possibly mean) were intended to mark the 40th UAE National Day. All that Puma had to do was to make them and put a stupidly high price on them ($190 because they are special I suppose), stick them in their own stores and 'bam' they would be a few million dollars richer even if half of the products sold would have to be returned because they were so badly made in China.

Well it was a brilliant marketing plan what could go wrong?

What went wrong was simple the very conservative inhabitants of the UAE didn't like the the fact that the nations flag colours were being used on shoes!

At this moment it might be a good idea to cast your mind back to the Iraq war, just at the end when America was being thanked and celebrated before the Iraqis changed their minds, when the enormous statue of old walrus face was toppled and locals started hitting it with their shoes.

Then a short while later after the Iraqis had forgotten all about the repression of the old ways under the tough guy with the big soup strainer and more importantly who had rescued them from torture and terrible moustaches some idiot threw a shoe at Pres. Georgie B, can you see a pattern emerging here?

For some reason in the Arab world, best known only to Arabs, feet and footwear are considered dirty, the Cat who writes blogs thinks that it is such a shame that there isn't more widespread use shoe polish and foot baths in the Arab world as that surely would sort of solve little problems like this and then the UAE could make a better pretence of being what it pretends to be - a modern country that is a great place for tourists and second home owners. Because as incidents like this demonstrate currently the mind set of the people is still firmly entrenched in prehistoric Wadi mud, remember the Cat who writes blogs is just a Cat and Cats aren't as clever as humans! Are they? But I have to say this I am glad that Cats have Paws and not feet and never wear shoes, unless they are dressed up by idiot humans - but that is the subject of another blog and nothing to do with this one!

Just imagine for a moment if we were so precious about the British Union Jack or the American Stars and Stripes, we would have tacky mugs, tea towels and souvenir shop rubbish in general, Jimi Hendrix's masterpiece of guitar playing the 'Star Spangled Banner' would be lost forever and we would never have had anything to roll our 'herbal' cigarettes in at college would we?

Technorati Tags:
America, American, British, China, Paws, Pres. Bush, Saddam Hussein, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, Travelogue, www.amazon.com, UAE, Dubai, Wadi, Arab World, Burj Khalifa, Tourist, Puma, UAE Flag, 40th UAE National Day, Iraqis, President Bush, Union Jack, Stars and Stripes, Jimi Hendrix, Star Spangled Banner, George Bush

Even More Snow On The Cat's Website

2011-11-28T07:04:00.001Z

Silly me when I was showing everyone yesterday the picture of the snow on my blog here The Cat's Blog I forgot to include a snapette of the even more snow that's falling over the picture at the top of the page on The Cat's Website or to put it another way my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsitewww.thecatsdiary.com and so I thought I would rectify that immediately, but then I went to sleep in the afternoon yesterday and then sadly it completely slipped my mind when I woke up to eat a very late supper.

Happily I had made a note to resolve the problem today and as the sticky note I used somehow managed to attach itself to my paw I couldn't fail to remember, though I have to say I would have done it earlier if 'Postit' notes were more 'attracted' to sticking to computer screens, tables and indeed each other rather than they are to fur and pad skin!

Still here is the picture for you dear cuddly readers before I get carried away about the odd attractions that sticky things have - I'm sure I can wait and get carried away in the next paragraph!

Have you noticed just how annoying sticky things are? Masking tape is probably the most useless sticky thing I can think of, it promises to lightly adhere to most things for a while and then be easily removed not leaving any marks, sticky patches or other nasty stuff. But it doesn't want to stick to anything apart from fur, paw pad skin and itself does it? And it does this by hanging limply from walls, where it has been used as a mask prior to painting, just waiting for an innocent Cat to nonchalantly stroll by minding his own business until he becomes ever more embroiled in yards and yards of the stuff that need little or no encouragement to wrap itself ever more tightly around a stomach that will, it promises, be on a diet in the new year as part of a whole Feline detox programme.

I could go on about the pointlessness of sticky tape in all forms, but while typing I am trying to remove a line of masking tape from my err... how can I put this um... bottom! It isn't easy for the Cat who writes blogs to write the aforementioned communication when he has his ass masked! Is it?

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Snow, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.thecatsdiary.com, The Cat's Blog, Postit Notes, Detox programme

Snow Comes To My Website & Blog

2011-11-27T10:50:00.001Z

Once again this year to celebrate the season, Christmas and of course because I like the effect a lot, it has started snowing on The Cat's Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsitewww.thecatsdiary.com, or to be more accurate because as I explain in both my books Cat's have a dreadful curse, we can't tell a lie, it's snowing all over The Cat's Blog but only over the picture at the top of the page on my my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsitewww.thecatsdiary.com.

I don't know if you can see the snow in the picture below but I can truthfully say that it's there (not being able to tell a lie is such a curse, I can tell you) maybe you should go to The Cat's Blog and check out all the lovely snow for yourself.

There is also something new about the snow for this year on The Cat's Blog and that is that you can make the snow go mad, change direction and even rather godlike make the snow stop! Just by using your mouse, track pad or if you are reading my The Cat's Blog using an iPhone, iPad or iPod touch - your finger!

I wonder if that's how god does the things he does? If that is there is a god 'up there' you have to imagine a Cat pointing his paw in a confused way 'up' as you read this bit!

Very soon this Christmasy kind Cat who writes blogs is going to bring you the ever popular Christmas lights to both The Cat's Blog and my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsitewww.thecatsdiary.com and yes don't worry just like last year you will be able to pop, smash and generally destroy the pretty little twinkling lights when the 'pleasure' of all that Christmas fixed smile giving and general 'joy' gets the better of you and you feel an overriding urge to smash something.

Now for a little Christmas Quiz

Question: Where can you buy copies of my wonderful books?

Answer: Here!

Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

The Cat's Travelogue

Paperback edition of

The Cat's Travelogue

Kindle edition of The Cat's Travelogue

Mmh I don't think I've quite got the idea or format of quizzes right, don't worry I will keep trying while you go off and jingle you own bells - don't you just love Christmastide?

Technorati Tags:
Book, Books, Cat Blog, Cat Diary, Christmas, Christmas Lights, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, God, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Mouse, My Blog, My Book, Snow, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Trackpad, Godlike, Quiz, Christmastide, Christmasy Cat

Stock of My Travelogue Arrives At My Webstore

2011-11-25T22:54:00.001Z

At long last we have stocks of my latest and to date most wonderful masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' at my www-WickedlyWonderfulWebsite's Store.

Quite frankly it has taken so long to get stocks because my wonderfully discerning and cuddly readers have been buying my wonderful book just as quickly as it has been printed and rushed to shops in enormous trucks and of course our biggest retailer www.amazon.com.

So now you can get your copy of 'The Cat's Travelogue' direct from the wonderful furry author and while reading it imagine I am sitting on your lap, and don't forget as dear Clint Eastwood says for a few dollars more you can have what we now call the 'Exclusive' edition which will be signed by me and by my translator Mr. John Woodcock in one of his lucid moments.

So, I have my paws crossed and I'm waiting patiently, hoping that all of my dear cuddly readers know what to do next and won't disappoint me by not going to www-WickedlyWonderfulWebsite's Store and buying at least one copy of my marvellous travelogue, if you liked 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' I have a feeling you are going to love 'The Cat's Travelogue' and if you didn't, then I don't mind if you buy a few copies and give it to your least favourite relatives.

Technorati Tags:
Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, The Cat, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, Mr. John Woodcock, Clint Eastwood

Black Friday

2011-11-25T11:18:00.001Z

Here is a big tip from a little financial genius 'The Cat' on Black Friday. Whatever you buy today and of course I hope it is at least a dozen of each of my books, do spend any Euros you have because it looks like the whole thing is going to come crashing down in flames and odd bits of nasty around the ears of the Germans and French leaving a sort of garlicky sausage smell in its wake.

And when the Euro balloon pop finally does go pop do you really think that there will be a lot of sour krauts around? Well the honest answer is no! Most of the Germans led by a shadowy ex-East German, who is only know by the code name Angela Merkel, want their beloved Deutsche Mark back as soon as possible and nothing whatever to do with the over sexed latin nations led by the folies at the Palais Bourbon, by the Seine.

I suppose you would like to know just how this clever Cat got all of the latest information, well it's simple! Who notices a Cat as it slinks around the furniture even in the places and palaces of power, the answer is of course no one!

Just think of all of the information I collect as I wander the halls of power and fame, to say nothing of the things I see, here is a classic example of what I mean, a pushy German poking a pretend Russian muscleman who just after this picture was taken burst into tears complaining that "она была запугивание его, и что не было разрешено, потому что он крутой парень" or in English "she was bullying him and that was not allowed because he was a tough guy!" tee hee.

You would be surprised with what I have seen and heard and I have to say so am I! So if you want the inside track on world events then keep reading my blog, later I am off to an Hotel just off Rodeo Drive to keep an eye on an unmarried young member of the royal family and a junior officer in the British Army to see if he can not only keep it real but clean, although on past performances I doubt if he can do either!

That is right prince harry we are watching you and of course all of the other Troggs of course!

Technorati Tags:
clever Cat, French, Genius, German, Putin, Russian, The Cat, The Euro, Deutsche Mark, Merkel, Palais Bourbon, Black Friday, Seine, prince Harry, Rodeo Drive

Thanksgiving Bombshell - Happy Thanksgiving To All My Readers

2011-11-24T09:12:00.001Z

I'm a very inquisitive Cat and so usually I like to find out a lot of interesting information about places, events and so on and so forth and then turn them into little jokes, you just have to read either 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' or 'The Cat's Travelogue' to know that; which is why I think I have failed the entire American Nation today and that makes me at the very least very downcast.

It seems a shame that there just isn't much to say about Thanksgiving that is particularly interesting, weird or funny if, that is, you want to talk about odd traditions and practices and I do.

Yes I'll admit there are some strange Thanksgiving Day notions such as the one that says you have to knock a few times on wood before putting the Turkey into the oven so that it will be tender and succulent, to say nothing of the fact that it's best to first check the Turkey's pulse! But that isn't really an odd tradition like the ones that lurk around old Europe as Pres. George Bush once called us lot over here.

You know the sort of odd tradition I'm talking about like the one in Scotland where you must carry a bit of coal in your pocket as you go from dozens of strangers houses on New Year's Eve and drink vast quantities of other people's Scotch Whiskey, that's called either 'Firstfooting or 'First Footing.'

I'm afraid I have no idea which is right 'Firstfooting or 'First Footing' because both words are always said with a Scottish accent which as we all know is very close to incomprehensible nonsense at the best of times and totally alien on New Year's Eve due to the vast amounts of Scotch Whiskey consumed by the speaker which has an effect not only on the amount of slur added to a Scots persons speech but also the number of 'o's' added to words that not only contain 'o's' normally but ones that have never been spelt with an 'o' before! To say nothing of the fact that if you look up 'Firstfooting or 'First Footing'on the internet all of the results are in American from the awful Wikipedia to the Websters Dictionary they use 'First-Footing' with a hyphen between the words and that in the main apart from where it has been used for centuries in the surnames by a few mad aristocratic English families and more recently by a lot of ethnic unmarried couples, is an American invention.

The only thing that is clear about 'Firstfooting or 'First Footing,' as the picture below shows, is that you don't have to be Scottish, look ridiculous and talk nonsense to join in the fun or indeed even wear a kilt!

In fact it seems that the Scots didn't invent the practice of 'Firstfooting or 'First Footing' it gets its name from a Manx Gaelic word 'Quaaltagh' so it would seem that the Scots 'borrowed' the tradition from the Isle of Man.

'Firstfooting or 'First Footing' is also practiced by the Serb nation who celebrate Polažajnik on New year's Eve where they go to other people's houses and get drunk. Even during the worst persecutions of their neighbours in the 1980's the Serbs didn't stop the custom.

The Greeks use a word similar to the Serb 'Polažajnik' when they go from house to house getting drunk on New Year's Eve it is 'Podariko' for any of you who are vaguely interested and aren't wondering what on Earth this all has to do with Thanksgiving like I have to say the writer!

So back to Thanksgiving! Happily (for me) I did discover one potential bombshell about Thanksgiving though and that is that if Thanksgiving has officially been an annual tradition since 1863, when during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of thanksgiving to be celebrated on Thursday, November 26th 1863 it may not be a day of celebration for the whole country!

I hear you ask what does that mad Cat mean?

Well if President (of the Union States only) Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of thanksgiving in the middle of the Civil War only the North would have observed it, I can't imagine President Jefferson Davis and the rest of the Southern Nation embracing a Northern President's ideas can you?

Not only that in 1861 President Jefferson Davis issued this proclamation about Thanksgiving Day which said it should be "a day of fasting, humiliation and prayer," now that doesn't sound like the sort of day that most Americans are going to have today does it? Although I expect it would make Turkeys all over the United States very happy indeed.

The reason why the Confederate States of America celebrated Thanksgiving Day for the first time in 1861 was not really Pilgrim related either. It was to celebrate a series of victories by Confederate forces in the east and west of the CSA and that's probably not something that dear old Abe had in mind when he 'invented' Thanksgiving in 1863 is it.

Isn't history wonderful?

So to lighten the mood and possibly to prevent a war between the south and north of America breaking out once again here are some Thanksgiving jokes.

Why did the Pilgrims eat Turkey at Thanksgiving?

Because they couldn’t fit a Moose in the oven!

What’s the best way to stuff a Turkey?

Get it to eat lots of pizza and ice cream!

If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be most famous for?

Their age of course!

If you do want to hear loads of exciting, unusual and generally hilariously dotty traditions, practices and other mad things that humans get up to, let alone this Cat, then you could do no worse than read either, or better still both, of my wonderful works of feline literary genius which happily you can find either as paperback or ebooks here!

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Paperback edition of The Cat's Travelogue at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of The Cat's Travelogue at Amazon.com

Lastly the really good news about Thanksgiving Day is that it was made in America (based on an English idea) and not made in China (copied from every nation's original thought) and that means that it will last forever and not have been broken before it was taken out of the box, like all expensive rubbish that the hamfisted Chinese knock up over there!

I HOPE THAT YOU ALL HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND PURRS TO ALL MY CUDDLY READERS

Technorati Tags:
America, China, Chinese, English, Europe, Scotland, Thanksgiving, www.amazon.com, Thanksgiving Day, Jeff Davis, Abraham Lincoln, First Footing, Firstfooting, Scotch Whiskey, New Year's Eve, American Nation, Polažajnik, Quaaltagh, Podariko, Pres. Bush, American Civil War

Christmas Seems To Have Started

2011-11-23T09:11:00.001Z

It's odd Christmas seems to have started very early this year even before Thanksgiving and that surely is a record!

Still I can't complain because my wonderful supportive and amazingly cuddly readers both old and new are buying my books in their thousands and apart from saying "please don't stop," I would like to thank them so very much for helping to keep a genius of a Cat warm this Christmas and indeed some way into the New Year.

Of course I would stress that you, dear cuddly readers shouldn't stop buying my books and that if you can you should buy even more because I have a little plan that I would like to share with you.

I plan to buy a Yacht! Well all sorts of successful people have Yachts and indeed a lot of people who are no longer very successful like poor old Stevie Spielberg who must be tearing his hair out wondering how to get a movie hit.

Here is a bit of advice for Steve - if you want a movie hit don't what ever you do chose a story that is old and tired and written by a Belgian, oops sorry too late - isn't the Tintin movie a bit of a Dog?

So what was I saying, oh yes I want to buy a Yacht, nothing too fancy just somewhere to entertain guests and special cuddly readers, sail the world and be very very comfortable - you do think I am worth it don't you? Oops sorry for the l'Oréal moment!

Oh I nearly forgot with all of the Xmas excitement here is a silly picture from somewhere where being daft is being normal - the human world -and in particular Kenya.

Ladies and Gentlemen and all cuddly readers I give you a 'Kenyan Suggestion Box!' Isn't it just the best suggestion box in the world and definitely deals appropriately with all of the idiot suggestions that you get in boxes of this sort.

Lastly if you haven't got the copies of my books that you intend to give as cherished Christmas presents this year there is still plenty of time if you shop at www.amazon.com or indeed www.amazon.co.uk. Just to help you there are some more specific links below, but before those I would like to draw your attention to a book written and illustrated by my translator John Woodcock.

His book is called Trams of PragueKindle edition and it has been enjoying a bit of success recently. Obviously the tome is not selling as well as Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary or indeed my latest and greatest (to date) book The Cat's Travelogue but it's nice to see that the old boy has got what it takes to 'make it' on his own without my help, don't you think?

If he sells a lot of copies of his book Trams of Prague I think I'll buy him a rowing boat so he can visit me on my Yacht! You dear cuddly readers can help and buy his book here Trams of Prague Kindle edition. I thought I would show you a picture of the cover he is really rather good at illustrating and that's handy because Trams of Prague is what they call in the trade - heavily illustrated.

If you need to save time and get whizzed straight to www.amazon.com to buy one or better still multiple copies of my books I have, being a kind and generous Cat, made it so very simple that even a human can do it. Just click one or all of the links below.

Paperback edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of Getting Out at Amazon.com

Paperback edition of The Cat's Travelogue at Amazon.com

Kindle edition of The Cat's Travelogue at Amazon.com

Of course I could go on and add more specific links to the www.amazon.co.uk pages of my books but this blog page is getting a little cluttered with links don't you think? And worse you might thing that I was just after your money, and I promise that simply isn't true! As I said above I want a Yacht!

Finally (honestly), do you get the impression from this blog that I rather like Christmas time and in particular Holly? Well if you do you would be right I really do because it is a great time to buy my books, so what are you waiting for?

Oldham's Sign Erection Crew Visit Leeds

2011-11-22T08:05:00.001Z

The lads and possibly lasses (in this politically correct world we live in) of the Oldham road sign erection crew have struck again, but this time you have to go to Leeds to see this marvellous example of the sort of careful workmanship and workwomanship (in this politically correct world we live in).

Their work is a fine example of the type of British craftsmanship and craftswomanship (of course) that David Cameron and all of the other deluded British politicians believe is going to make the UK a world power once again, to say nothing of ensuring that everyone has nice shiny shoes and all the trains not only run on time but are clean! Isn't it great to 'believe?'

If you don't remember the fine example of Oldham's road sign erection crew's work from my previous blog here is an example as published by the Cat who writes Blogs i.e. me just before my birthday on November 14th.

Of course if you missed my birthday you will be pleased to hear that I have no problem with presents, cards and cash arriving late, in fact I have said on any number of occasions that I am just like a politician in this respect - open to 'presents' at any time during the year!

Of course if you don't remember when Oldham's sign erection crew last struck just click here, aren't they clever?

Don't forget that the holidays are upon us, Thanksgiving in just a day or so away and Christmas as usual is lurking around the corner which means that you may well be stumped for what to get the children, the Dog, the family and all of the others that you have to buy presents for, my advice is don't panic just go to either my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or indeed good old Amazon.com and order dozens of copies of my books. May I helpfully suggest that for people you really like you give both of my books to and for people you aren't so keen on just the one!

Here are a few useful links to save you time and cut out the hours of concentrated thought that you would normally devote to choosing the right present for everyone.

Technorati Tags:
Book Store, British, ebook, Oldham, Politicians, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, David cameron, Birthday, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Buy My Book

Toilet Confusion in Laos

2011-11-21T07:10:00.001Z

The English language is a wonderful thing, it being the language of international business, used by airline pilots and ship's captains of every nation and used in so many different ways.

The English language is also reasonably easy to use once you have learned a few rather odd idiosyncrasies such as the difference between 'there' and 'their' and just because the plural of Mouse is Mice don't automatically expect House to do the same! All of which means that the English language like all good tools is easy to use.

However having said that the English language does seem to be a rather difficult brute to use if one wants to use it in translation, do check the example below a simple translation of Lao, the language of the country with almost the same name Laos, but then maybe learning English in a country that was once known as the kingdom of Lan Xang (or Million Elephants) is a problem, they certainly seem to have made it so!

If any dear cuddly reader can tell the poor confused cat what on earth preventing a toilet is then they may well win a copy of my latest unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue.'

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
bookstore, English, free games, free online games, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat who writes books, The Cat's Diary, The Cats Travelogue, Toilet, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, Laos, Language, Airline, Pilots, Ships captains, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary

The Things People Feed Horses

2011-11-18T09:52:00.001Z

You humans are an odd bunch and with your mad actions sometimes get us animals into a lot of trouble, my subject to illustrate this is what you humans do and indeed don't do when feeding Horses.

It's a little known fact that's only common knowledge in the equine community that horses really like Polos Mints which are small round mint flavoured boiled sweets with a hole in them but sadly very few people feed Horses Polos, instead they give them handfuls of grass, carrots and anything else they have to hand and that includes fingers.

When a human gives a Horse a finger or two to eat it isn't always clear to the Horse or indeed the investigating authorities that the human intended the Horse to have a finger buffet. In fact some humans after feeding a finger or two to an innocent Horse and become really rather too irate about the whole matter and like their fingers the matter can get out of hand if you see what I mean!

There is some good news for humans who want to feed the odd Horse who they see standing alone in a field looking rather forlorn. Horses love treats and there is no real reason why you shouldn't give them one but it has to be stressed do please only give a Horse one treat because Horses can unfortunately be described as greedy and will literarily eat themselves sick and if you can find out if the Horse can eat what you want to feed it.

In general when you give a Horse a treat it can be almost anything fruity or veggie, Oranges, Carrots, Apples or even a Banana but never ever give a Horse the tops (green bits) of Carrots or the peel from a Banana. In addition do ensure that you cut up what you feed a Horse into small cubes because Horses can have digestion problems and as I mentioned above it's always best, if possible, ask the Horses owner what the Horse likes to eat and more importantly what the Horse can eat.

Asking the Horse's owner will ensure that you feed the Horse what he or she can eat a lot of Horse can develop nasty diseases such as Colic which can be a dangerous, even life threatening, illness for Horses.

When you want to feed a Horse or give them a treat the best way to do this is to hold the treat out to the Horse in the palm of your hand, making sure that your fingers are completely extended and your hand is as flat as you possibly can make it.

Lastly don't go into the fields with a handful, armful, or bucketful of treats, thinking the Horses on the other side of the field won't notice. Because before you realise it, you will be in the middle of a number of Horses all competing rather too boisterously for treats, unfortunately hungry Horses can get a little pushy and as they are almost always ten times bigger and heavier than the average human, humans tend to get hurt by 'enthusiastic' Horses.

Just for your information the wonderful illustration of 'Two Horses at a gate waiting for treats' is kindly provided by Mr John Woodcock (my translator) from his book 'Tram No 6 the Naughtiest of Trams' which is the first in a series of books from the series 'Trams of Prague'

You can purchase an ebook of this excellent beautifully illustrated book here at www.amazon.com Trams of Prague ebook for use on Kindle Fire, iPod Touch, iPad and all other great colour eReaders. Or of course you can get it on my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite the www.thecatsdiary.com. It will make a great Christmas stocking filler.

And the good news is that a picture book edition will be available next year.

Technorati Tags:
ebook, ebook reader, Illustration, iPad, iPod Touch, John Woodcock, Kindle, Kindle Fire, Trams of Prague, Horses, Polos, Polo Mints, Tram No 6, Picture Book, Carrots, Colic, Oranges, Apples

Odd Chinese Safety Instructions

2011-11-16T08:18:00.001Z

In addition to a complete lack of expertise in making any kind of manufactured goods for the West that last, stealing islands in the South China Sea and interfering under Tibet's skirts China is a place where there is not a great regard for humankind let alone animals, cough, such as myself, who can without any great effort find ourselves being accused of being a stray (which is such and insult in the Cat culture) rounded up and placed on a Shanghai dinner menu.

All of which means that when you see signs like the one below you do hope that they are followed to the letter by the hamfisted Dog and Cat eaters behind the Great Wall of China.

You know it's amazing what you see when you are travelling the world researching a book. But all I can say is after spending nearly two, paw weary years, globetrotting that I am glad it's over and you my dear cuddly readers can read 'The Cat's Travelogue' I am confident that it will bring more than a smile to your lips and like my other wonderful unputdownable book 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' you will want to read it again and again.

Don't forget as you are dusting off last year's Holly and trying to glue back together the kids favourite Christmas decorations; to say nothing about trying to get the tree lights to work, that my books make excellent Christmas presents for all ages and while you are ordering your copies do make sure you get one for your good self, you have earned a bit of time curled up in a chair with an extremely good book like either of mine!

Just for you dear reader I have added some very useful links for you to click that will take you to my books on www.amazon.com or indeed my own www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Travelogue Website or the normal one here www.thecatsdiary.com or my amazing virtual retail establish here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

You can get paperback or ebook copies of my first book 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' here Amazon.com and my amazing second book 'The Cat's Travelogue' either here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat's Travelogue ebook depending upon whether you want an ebook of a paperback version duh! Silly cat you know that sorry!

Lastly and for those who might be er... how can I put this, a little hard of understanding, here are some pretty pictures of my books and lots of devices that you can read them on if you choose to buy my ebooks! If you choose to invest in the paperback editions of my wonderful books then I suggest you read them on your lap curled up in a nice armchair!

If you need any or all of these items in addition to dozens of copies my books then click away below to your hearts content they all come from www.amazon.com where you know you can shop safely and securely to say nothing about good old Amazon ensuring that anything you order arrives on time.

It almost goes without saying but this clever Cat who writes books and who writes blogs for your amusement and delight does receive a very small 'consideration' from www.amazon.com if you buy any of the items below using the link or links. Well we all need to scrape a together living don't we? So if you are going to buy a KindleFire, and iPad, iPod or iPhone to read any of my books on then it wouldn't do any harm to click the link anyway below would it?

Mmh sorry this was such a long blog especially for those of you with a short attention span but let's face it this is an important time for Cats in the publishing industry, we make most of our cash at Christmas time and that is why I have to use every trick in the book to get you dear cuddly reader to part with yours.

You know it isn't easy either, because there is a fine line between marketing and whining and then there apparently is the line that I have never paid too much attention to, the line beyond which marketing is considered bullying!

Just remember dear cuddly reader, if you can, that I'm merely a simple Cat and if I do seem to over sell my books it's because I don't know any better tee hee!

P.S.

Sorry if any clever human knows how to get the above links to sit together and could let a confused Cat know the aforementioned cat would be very grateful because it beats the Whiskas® out of me! And Cat food all over the floor is not at all nice, especially when it is Salmon and Sardine flavour!

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Cat blog, Cat who writes books, Christmas, Christmas present, Christmas presents, ebook, ebook reader, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Kindle, Kindle Fire, Paperback, Shanghai, Stray Cat, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cat's Website, Tibet, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, South China Sea, Great Wall of China, Cat who writes blogs, Christmas decorations, Christmas Tree Lights

Fire Alarm Testes!

2011-11-15T06:10:00.001Z

While researching my latest and most wonderful (to date) book which if you have been living in a cave or Rochdale and haven't heard is called 'The Cat's Travelogue' I travelled the world and encountered strange people who erect bizarre signs in there very own edition of the English language.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you "Fire Alarm Testes!" from sunny smog filled Shanghai.

What else can I add? Well I suppose the obvious what a load of rubbish, and did you see how long the brief Fire Alarm Test will take 8 hours! Mmh what an advanced nation!

About the Author

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
book, free games, free online games, Shanghai, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cat's Website, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com/videos, Testes, Test, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Paperback

Oldham's Bid To Rival China

2011-11-14T07:23:00.001Z

Normally I 'wobble on,' as someone once said though I personally don't agree, about the worse than dreadful craftsmanship (if you can call it that) of the Chinese and their hamfisted attempts to produce manufactured (and I use that word lightly) goods so it is with a heavy heart and a rarely experienced degree of reluctance that I give you Oldham's attempt to take back some of the manufacturing jobs that they lost to China.

Please note the precision and excellence of construction, the care and attention to detail and most of all the quality control.

As the sign says - well the bit that is the right way up that you can read - "Oldham is working for a co-operative borough" or words to that effect, while pondering just how many 'work people' (you can no longer call them 'workmen' in such a forward looking place) working 'co-operatively' it took to construct the sign I was also trying to work out what that strap line actually meant!

Are they suggesting that the entire area become some sort of enormous workers co-operative where more examples of this type of constructive freedom, that comes with this sort of endeavour, can be experienced you know like streetlights buried upside down and footpaths that foul dogs!

Here are some interesting (I promise) facts about Oldham

I didn't visit Oldham when writing my latest block busting book 'The Cats Travelogue'

Oldham is in England

England is in Europe

Oldham is a large town in Greater Manchester

Oldham has little early history to speak of

Oldham was a boomtown of the Industrial Revolution

Oldham was among the first ever industrialised towns

Oldham was the most productive cotton spinning mill town in the world at the height of the industrial revolution Oldham spun more cotton than France and Germany put together

In late May 2001 Oldham hosted 3 days of race riots

Oldham is a bit run down (see picture below of the railway station in 2010

Technorati Tags:
China, Dogs, The Cat's Travelogue, Oldham, Manufacturing, Crafstmanship, streetlights, Race Riots

Save Tigers And Do It Now

2011-11-10T06:15:00.001Z

While having my breakfast of tasty Prawns with a side of Prawns and a bag of Prawns to go sitting next to me on the diner table I was reading the newspaper.

I rarely read newspapers because I believe that if you want to ruin your day read a newspaper at breakfast and if you want to ruin your life become famous, like me, and have News International eavesdrop on your every phone call, read your mail, hack your computer and sift your trash while trying to gather dirt on you. So far that have failed thanks to my satellite phone a little tip I learned from someone I was talking to in the CIA several years ago.

I have to say here that when I was talking to this lady from the CIA I thought that 'CIA' was an abbreviation for China International Airways and to be honest I didn't discover what the letters really CIA stood for until I climbed aboard what I thought was a small China International Airways jet at an airport in Pakistan while researching my latest unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue' (available here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition and if you want an ebook here The Cat's Travelogue ebook boy was I in for a surprise I can tell you, and if you read my latest work of feline literary genius you will know exactly what I am talking about here!

Anyway, so there I was reading the newspaper and getting ever more depressed, when I think I have reached rock bottom after reading three articles about four politicians in three totally different countries who were all displaying their own special type of ineptitude that singles them out for a career in politics when my eye caught this headline:-

"Is it time to give up on Tigers and Pandas? - Controversial plans to save one species at expense of another are gathering pace"

The it went on to say:-

"A majority of professional conservationists believe it is time to consider shifting efforts away from some of the world's most famous species, such as the Panda, to concentrate on others which have a greater chance of success."

So is that what humans have come to? They have hunted animals to extinction destroyed their habitat to grow beef for McDonalds then a few decades ago seen the light and started to conserve species instead of running rough shod over them and now they have decided, because trying to protect animals is too much like hard work, to choose one species over another because they can't cope with their own destructiveness which so drastically affects all of the other animals and creepy crawlies who share the planet Earth.

Well all I have to say is shame on you humans for taking so much of the Earth's resources and leaving so little for wildlife, shame on you conversationalists and in particular shame on the charity the World Wildlife Fund for taking so much money and pretending to give a damn about animals and obviously failing so miserably.

I would also like to say that if there has to be a choice between Pandas and Tigers we should save Tigers they are not only better looking, they are also more interesting, more active, distant cousins of mine and better still if their numbers were to grow significantly they might just start getting their own back and start eating humans!

At least there is one positive to come out of this article and that's that you can stop giving your hard earned folding stuff to the WWF!

As I have said time and again all charities are absolutely useless and this article proves that, if you ever doubted my word, instead you can of course send all of your spare cash to this Cat and make his life amazingly comfortable, unlike a charity I will spend you money wisely and choose only the finest Prawns, the best cars, hotels and employ only the most qualified staff to attend to my every need, which are many and various.

I do hope that people start to see how dreadful charities are now in the light of what these conversationalists are proposing. I was telling people 15 years ago just how greedy and corrupt banks were and now they are seeing it, let's hope it doesn't take the same length of time for the public to see just how much alike charities and banks are, they only care about themselves and nothing else even the things they are set up to protect, help, nurture or whatever else they waffle on about as they hold their hands out for you cash.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Charity, China, CIA, ebook, Pakistan, Prawns, The Cat's Travelogue, unputdownable, www.amazon.com, WWF, World Wildlife Fund, paperback, Tiger, Panda, Conservation, News International, feline

Jessie The Cat Goes For A Little Walk 2,000 Miles

2011-11-08T06:59:00.001Z

After moving 2,000 miles from Ungarra, South Australia to a new home in Darwin high up in Australia's Northern Territories in March last year Jessie The Cat went missing, her family looked everywhere for her but she was nowhere to be seen.

A year later Jessie The Cat's family had more or less given up any hope of ever seeing their wonderful Cat again until one day the people who had moved into Jessie The Cat family's old house called them up and said that they had seen a strange Cat mooching around their house.

Jessie The Cat's family asked for a picture, just in case the strange cat wasn't a stranger to them. The picture arrived and delighted Jessie The Cat's family because - well you have guessed it, it was Jessie The Cat.

Jessie The Cat had somehow managed to walk 2,000 miles back to her old home and her journey gets even more impressive when you look at the routes she may have taken, either Jessie The Cat crossed Australia's searing desert or she took a very much longer coastal route to visit her old house and chums, until now Jessie The Cat hasn't said which one she took or indeed whether she plans further adventures in the future.

Just like Jessie The Cat your favourite genius of a feline author has been travelling, last year and indeed for a few years before I travelled the world researching my latest and most wonderful masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' and although I didn't actually match Jessie The Cat's feat on all fours I think I deserve a pat on the back don't you?

You can get The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or a copy of The Cat's Travelogue ebook by clicking these links or the nice picture below!

Technorati Tags:
Amazon, The Cat, The Cat's Travelogue, www.amazon.com, Australia, Jessie the Cat

At Last A Religion With A Sense Of Humour?

2011-11-07T07:04:00.001Z

So here's proof that some religions actually do have a sense of humour. Trust it to be the Buddhists who I understand are pretty calm and collected, for religious nuts.

I've heard that Buddhists don't preach elitism, fire and damnation or any of the usual religious stuff and that's nice. Although isn't Buddhism the religion that believes that if you are a bad human you will come back as a lesser being or animal? Which suggests to me that Buddhists may think that a bad human might be reincarnated as a Cat! Really, that isn't very nice is it?

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
Cat, Feline, free, free games, free on-line games, free online games, Genius Cat, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, Good Looking Cat, jokes, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, reincarnation, Buddhists, Religion, humour, reincarnated, Feline Author, internet

Rear Guard?

2011-11-04T05:37:00.001Z

There are some traffic signs in this world that defy explanation and here is one of them from Valetta in Malta for your education and amusement!

About the Author

Technorati Tags:
bestseller, free games, free online games, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, The Cat, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, www.thecatsdiary.com/videos, Valetta, Malta, Feline Literature

Justin Bieber And The Large Hadron Collider

2011-11-03T07:11:00.001Z

Is it just me or are you worried too?

I ask this question because things, it seems, have gone rather quiet at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, in fact things have gone too quiet if you ask me!

Why hasn't there been any news from the Large Hadron Collider, only a month or so ago were were promised a glimpse at the 'God particle' as it is known to say nothing of a look up the skirt (as it were) at the Higgs boson but sadly the hypothetical massive elementary particle remains firmly 'hypothetical' as far as I am aware.

So what has happened? Has something gone wrong? I'm worried aren't you? No I am very worried why aren't you? If that baby 'goes up' some say that their flat world will sink, worrying stuff isn't it?

I was wondering if I'd had my iPod on too loud and missed a large bang just a few countries away? There has been a lot of fog in Prague recently, but that is just fog not smoke, well that what I tell myself, it comforts me!

Surely something should have happened by now at the world's most expensive experiment, well the world most expensive experiment if you don't include the one currently being held to discover exactly what talent Justin Bieber possess; 2 billion hits on YouTube teh!^ It just goes to show exactly how poor the taste of 28% the world's population actually is!

If anyone can tell me what Justin Beiber does I would be grateful he is either so far below or above this Cat's radar that he actually doesn't exist or maybe, just maybe Justin Bieber is what the Large Hadron Collider has discovered or worse created and they are keeping very, very quiet about it.

Oh look what I have found a picture (below) of little Justin Bieber. For those of you who are old enough you must remember Donny Osbourne? Surely Justin is a Donny clone? (Picture of Donny below as well to prove this clever Cat's point!)

I wondered what Donny Osbourne is doing these days so I searched for 'osbourne' in Google of course and came up with this recent snap. I see he is still in the music business and isn't that Marie in the background at the Mormon tabernacle? They both look as though they have gone through a spin cycle at the Large Hadron Collider don't they? I think it's them though of course I could be wrong I am only a Cat after all!

^Note

The word teh above is not a typo it's used to describe the sound that a Cat makes when expressing disbelief! Just thought I would tell you so you don't think I'm uneducated.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, clever Cat, Google, The Cat, Justin Bieber, The Large Hadron Collider, Switzerland, Donny Osbourne, cats, Marie Osbourne, Mormon, Mormon Tabernacle, YouTube

A New Video

2011-11-02T07:17:00.001Z

Today I put a new video up on my www-wickedlywonderfulwebsite, do have a little gawp at it here, I am sure that you will love it as much as my other videos.

To have a look at it do click on the pretty blue writing below and get transported to my www-wickedlywonderfulwebsite videos page.

Basically its the age old story Cat takes an interest in a baby, the baby starts to play with the Cat words,are said, there is some spitting from both parties, punches are thrown, no one gets hurt you could say that it is just a storm in a milk dish really.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.thecatsdiary.com/videos, Sucker Punch, Baby

Another 'Drive Safely" Sign

2011-10-31T06:27:00.001Z

With the unexpected snow, that obviously doesn't have its alarm clock set for 'Winter,' falling all over New York I though it was about time to look at silly road signs yet again and I promise you on my travels researching my latest book buster of a book 'The Cat's Travelogue' I saw loads.

Oops I nearly forgot you can get a copy of my latest unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue' here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or if you are more than a little wired the ebook here The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

It seems that people who erect 'drive safely' signs are causing havoc with innocent motorists and here is the very latest example.

I bet the poor driver was too busy reading the sign in heavy snow to watch the road and a dangerous piece of ice that started this accident. I do wish that people who are responsible for safety signs would be more responsible don't you?

Still I suppose the old saying is true, "where you get motorists you get accidents!"A saying that is also true if you replace the word 'motorist' with human in this Cat's experience!

I am so sorry I can't resist the urge to show you the cover of my latest book!

There it's better to get these sorts of urges over and done with isn't it?

Technorati Tags:
accidents, Amazon, Cat, Drive Safely, Drive Safely Signs, latest book, motorists, New York, Signs, Snow, The Cat, The Cat's Travelogue, www.amazon.com, Unexpected

Worrying Switches At An Hotel In China

2011-10-26T09:14:00.001+01:00

Here is yet another sign that I noticed on my recent travels around the world bumping into idiots and obviously their signs, this one is from the capital of China a dreadful backward place with little or no morals as the end of my little tale will demonstrate.

If you're looking for Smallpox then look no further because at a flick of a switch you can have a dose at this hotel in Beijing and it doesn't stop there! So dedicated to service and satisfying your every whim this hotel can at the flick of another switch give you lights that can kill.

Just how many hotels do you stay in offer a "Ded Light Switch?" None I bet! So if you want to make sure that the Smallpox Switch does it's job properly and kills you, you can use your Ded Light Switch they really leave nothing to chance in China.

Mind you if you are a small child and want to end it all you just have to go out into the street in China and either get run over twice by passing motorists like poor little Yue Yue or more recently a 5 year old boy who was killed in a traffic accident in Sichuan province, it wads alleged that the driver of the truck reversed over his body to ensure that the little lad was dead because he didn't want to have the expense of hospital bills.

In a rather disgusting aside the boy's family then argued with the truck drive for five hours about the size of compensation he would pay, and if you think that is bad just think about a statement from Li Zekun the head of the Luxian county traffic police team who said that after an investigation found no evidence that the boy had been run over twice, which leads this Cat to think that it is ok to run a 5 year old over once in China.

But really all of the people involved from the Chinese officials, to the truck driver and little lads parents are just plain disgusting, what a good think that it is only a small proportion of the world who are like that, oops it happens in India too and if you combine the populations of those two countries you are getting on for half of mankind who are really quite awful, what a good job there are some nice people in the world and of course millions of Cats great and small.

I have to say honestly that I do like writing blogs and chatting with my lovely readers but, and I hate the fact that Cats can't lie, I do have an ulterior motive I have to get lovely cuddly readers in the first place and not only of my blogs, oh no it is very important that people buy my books so that I can call them my lovely cuddly readers in the first place - you do understand that.

So if you aren't one of my lovely cuddly readers and you want to be then all you have to do is to start clicking the links that are below, they will take you to either one of two safe places my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite here www.thecatsdiary.com or good old www.amazon.com where you can buy as many books as you like and if you want to be merry here is a little tip I understand that you humans have a saying the more the merrier!

Here are a selection of links that will take you straight to right places in www.amazon.com to buy either The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

Because I love the design is the cover of my latest unputdownable book The Cat's Travelogue, isn't it great?

And don't forget you can buy either a paper edition of either or better still both of my books or an ebook format.

Lastly if you missed clicking on the links above here is another chance tee hee!

Gosh that is a lot of information and I have to say it seems as though I might just come over as a bit pushy but a Cat has got to be kept in a life style he is accustomed to doesn't he?

We all have heard the terrible news today that poor old www.amazon.com have seen their profits drop by 73%. Between you and me I was told (confidentially) that it's only the sale of my books keeping the poor devils afloat, so that means that you are not only going to make a Cat very happy when you buy loads of my books but also the poor staff at www.amazon.com whose jobs depend on the sales of my books!

Technorati Tags:
China, Chinese, India, Police, The Cat who writes blogs, The Cat's Diary, The Cat's Travelogue, The Cat's Website, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Smallpox, Hotel, Beijing, switch, Yue Yue, Sichuan province, 5 year old, trafficaccident,hospital,Luxian,Police,www - wickedly wonderful website,www.amazon.com,www.thecatsdiary.com,India,The Cat's Diary,The Cat's Travelogue,The Cat's Website,The Cat who writes blogs, accident, hospital, Luxian

Odd Indian Road Sign - What Do They Mean?

2011-10-24T07:47:00.001+01:00

I am a very innocent, nice and extremely well brought up Cat and so when I was trolling through India researching my latest blockbusting and unputdownable book called 'The Cat's Travelogue' (available here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition) I couldn't help but be confused by the sign below.

If anyone knows what on earth the Indians are on about do let me know! Or if you can guess why two young men in skirts are following an older man in orange shorts into an Accident Porn Area I would be interested to know. My theory is that the young men are planning a Porn Accident? Well I suppose they are in the right place aren't they!

In the meantime if you want to read my wonderful travelogue do please click here for the The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or here for the Kindle edition The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

Technorati Tags:
India, The Cats Travelogue, Unputdownable, Blockbusting, book

It's Official My www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Has No Equal!

2011-10-20T06:50:00.001+01:00

I always am curious about how my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com is perceived, do people like it, is it easy to find, you know the sort of thing and so when i found a site which proposed to 'find similar sites to mine (I use that term loosely here) I was naturally interested and so like an innocent Cat I clicked the link.

Here according to the fools running the site are the sites that are similar to mine:

blakjak.demon.co.uk

craigslist.org

hotmail.com

epdrama.com

defendingthetruth.com

Now I have to ask myself what are these idiots on? I loathe gambling and presume that the first site is a card gaming one that just made me sick, then craigslist? I ask you! After craigslist Hotmail - really and I have no idea to discover what the last two sites are about which of course all goes to prove that there isn't a website in the world or on the web to compare with my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com still it would have been fun to compare other sites I suppose.

But as the site proposing to offer similar sites to mine was so inaccurate I won't even both to mention them and waste my dear cuddly reader's time clicking and visiting, yes I am a cat that just goes on giving and I am definitely not only wonderful but also unique.

All of which goes to show that even though there are some absolutely wonderful websites on the web there are very few www.wickedlywonderfulwebsites www.thecatsdiary.com which has no equal for entertainment, quality, fun and of course good looking owner, although I would blush here is that is Cats could blush tee hee.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, The Cat, The Cat's Diary, www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite, website, The Cat's Website, Craiglist.com, hotmail.com

What Do The Chinese Think Of Women - Check Out The Soup!

2011-10-19T07:23:00.001+01:00

The Chinese have been described as really not very nice, they eat Dogs and Cats and recently 18 of them in Foshan city, Guandong province nonchalantly walked passed a small child who had been the victim of a hit and run, first by a van and then a car.

Just the other day two year old little Yue Yue was left writhing in agony in the middle of the road as her countrymen and women stepped around her as if she was merely street litter.

I was going to say they stepped around her as if she was Dogs poo but the stray Dogs in Foshan city are few and far between because they get rounded up for din dins, indeed there have been reports over the last two years that Guandong province diners are running out of their main dinner ingredients because they have eaten all the Dogs and Cats in the area.

So what does a nation that has so little regard for little girls think of women, well as the title says check out the soup!

If you think that the Occupy Wall Street campaigners around the world have a point just imagine what it's like in China where there are a few very rich and billions of poor who don't even warrant the attention of passers by if they, like two year old Yue Yue, stray away from their the pavement for a couple of minutes unnoticed by their her mother.

The injustice and inequality that is so common in China is disgusting and has to end - please think about Yue Yue and the attitude of the Chinese to life the next time you want to buy something and if the item is made in China please, please think again about buying it I know I will.

And just before I get off my soap box and have a lie down don't tell me that we the consumers and voters can't do anything about China's inhumanity, it was because of us that China was turned from a mainly agricultural backwater into a manufacturing powerhouse, in 20 or so years, because we wanted so many shiny things.

Well now the people in the towns and cities where we live could do with the jobs and that means they can't afford their homes let alone the shiny things because they are out of work, so if you buy locally the brand names will get the message and they will bring the factories back to your country.

And you never know we might just be able to send a message to China, goodness knows our politicians won't they are too busy groveling to them.

A Small Bottom Joke For My Americans Friends & Readers

2011-10-18T06:37:00.001+01:00

Here is a small bottom joke for my Americans friends and readers who will be shocked, horrified and disgusted to know that in the UK the same word for 'your' fanny means the front botty of English ladies.

This message is brought to you by the incredibly intelligent and good looking Cat who could go on to tell you that the word botty in Czech (which is spelt with one 't') means 'shoes' - all of which proves that the human world is a very odd place no matter what language you're speaking!

Technorati Tags:
Americans, Czech, English, human, The Cat, UK, Fanny, good looking Cat, bottom, botty, boty, language, shoe

Found one Cat

2011-10-17T06:35:00.001+01:00

A lot of people apparently have not been able to find the section of my website that has random sneak peeks of my latest book The Cat's Travelogue in "good old" some say (I don't) www.google.com so here is a link that will take you there immediately Travelogue Website.

There I am happy to announce that at least that is one missing Cat's website found!

When you click that you'll be able to read a synopsis of the book and just as you can with my other book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' you will be able to read a page of my latest feline masterpiece 'The Cat's Travelogue' and get to see what others have thought about it, mind you there aren't many reviews there at the moment because I imagine that people are only half way through my wonderful book because it is that new.

You can order copies of my books at my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite store of course here www.thecatsdiary.com or from the ever reliable www.amazon.com here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition for the paperback or here for the ebook edition The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

You may find that you have ordered a copy of my must have unputdownable ebook only to find that you don't, as yet, have an eReader well don't worry about that those nice people at www.amazon.com will gladly let you have one for money they probably will suggest a Kindle Fire which you can get if you click on the nice picture below

Or if you want to have a good look at other eReading machines you can simply click here Computers which will take you to www.amazon.com's computer department.

There you will find a good few eReaders, I understand that a company that grows great pie fruit does a nifty reader that can also be used as some sort of pad, though what sort of pad it is I haven't managed to fathom out yet because you can't wrap it around a leg, it's way too thin to use as a pillow and not quite big enough to curl up on and when I tried I slipped off the shiny glass screen, but for all of that I understand the iPad is a popular gadget so don't rule it out just because it isn't cuddly or unable to stop bleeding like most pads.

Then there are several copies of the iPad which are all called tablets but they are even odder than the iPad because you definitely can't take two of these with water three times as day.

I could of course go on, but to prove all of my critics wrong I won't...

Technorati Tags:
Cat who writes books, ebook, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, iPad2, Kindle, Kindle Fire, latest book, The Cats Travelogue, Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Apple, iPad, Tablet, http://www.thecatsdiary.com/store, ereader

Someone Should Wash Their Lorry

2011-10-14T07:28:00.001+01:00

I did quite a bit of travelling while I was researching my unputdownable latest masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' and sometimes the road was dark and dangerous, you know the type of road I mean one where the gravel from it falls off when your tyres come close to edge and then tumbles down a cliff face for hundreds of feet into oblivion.

But not all roads are like those ones in Britain, where there are misnamed pot holes (they really should be called ravines), no a lot of the roads I travelled on were wonderful, neat, nicely made and great to drive on, although that could be because the countries that have those roads either don't have the traffic because most of the population can't afford to drive like India or they reduce the number of drivers on the road by predijuice by not allowing women to drive as they do in the most backward of countries like Saudi Arabia.

Just interrupting myself for a moment, and my dear faithful readers know I do that a lot and to be honest probably expect it of me, I have found that women drivers are much better than their male counterparts, I was once driven from a racetrack in the middle of Kent (Brands Hatch) to London by an English lady F1 racing driver called Divina Galicia and it was wonderful, she drove the car in a way that I don't think many could, it was exciting, fun and well within most of the laws of the land.

Still this blog isn't about drivers, male or female, it's about a lorry that I saw on the roads in Britain, a country that was once really nice and is now as filthy as this lorry's bottom. As the tile says someone really should wash their lorry - before the truth comes out!

If you look as closely at this picture as I have you'll no doubt see that in order to write in the filth covering the lorry's rear whoever wrote the little jokette had to clean some of the scank off amazing!

Still they do say that individuals are to be treasured and you would have to be an individual to drive a lorry like this and get a nickname like 'Rapid Ray.'

Just in case you would like to buy my latest masterpiece of feline literature or if, god forbid, you are one of the uncool few who haven't bought my previous work of genius here are some links that will whizz you off at a click to those nice humans at www.amazon.com who can send you a copy in return for either your own money or if you can arrange it someone else's, I have always found that using someone else's cash is to be preferred.

Technorati Tags:
Jokette, Scank, Rapid Ray, Nickname

Technorati Tags:
F1, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Jokette, Nickname, Rapid Ray, Scank, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Divina Galicia, Racing Driver

Arkansas' Best Kept Secret - And Let's Keep It That Way!

2011-10-13T06:08:00.001+01:00

You know I have a friend who lives in Arkansas and I was wondering if she had ever visited this little town with such an 'interesting' name? Because I understand that this little place is one of Arkansas' best kept secrets.

Really I ask you what were they thinking about when they named this town? Even this innocent Cat knows what a Bald Knob is err... some kind of Native American Chief of course and it's a shame that whoever named the town after the great Bald Knob didn't know that it's embarrassing for Native Americans (I believe they were called the Chickamauga Cherokee) to have towns named after them!

You may have noticed that I have been travelling the world a lot recently wearing my paws out to bring you my latest masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' I wouldn't call it a labour of love frankly but I'm sure that there are as many things and indeed places in my wonderful new book to make you laugh out loud as many times as you did with my previous book 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.'

You can get my latest book in all of its glorious forms using this link that those nice people at Amazon.com gave me The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat's Travelogue ebook and just for you I have pasted a picture of the cover of my wonderful new book below so that you know what to look for. Or of course you can click your way to my www-wickedly wonderful website and buy as many copies as you like my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

Technorati Tags:
Arkansas, Chickamauga Cherokee, Bald Knob, Native American, Native American Chief

Being Very Moral - A Sign From Hungary

2011-10-07T07:28:00.001+01:00

Recently I had the misfortune to go to Budapest while researching my forthcoming book The Cat's Travelogue and I found it to be a tatty place, the buildings are much the same as all other parts of the ex Austro-Hungrarian Empire the plaster covering them is dropping at an alarming rate into the streets.

Worst of all the people are not only tatty (they can't help that can they?) they are the most miserable bunch of scuffers I have every had the misfortune to be scuffed at.

You can read more about Budapest in my new book 'The Cat's Travelogue' because unlike China, India, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia and a whole host of other depressing and repressing countries Hungary couldn't afford the 'sponsorship' required to keep their entry out of my very revealing travelogue - tee hee.

So with that in mind the sign on a Budapestian Restaurant car park was more than a little confusing as you can see!

Don't forget to get a copy of my latest unputdownable book and chase those financial blues away as you lose yourself in my world.

Technorati Tags:
Budapest, China, Hungary, India, my blockbusting book, my latest book, Saudi Arabia, The Cat's Travelogue, Austro-Hungarian Empire, Scuffer, Taiwan, Budapestian, Sponsorship

Here Is Some Great News!

2011-10-06T07:47:00.001+01:00

My dear cuddly readers will be pleased to hear that to celebrate the launch of the latest Amazon reader ethingy the Kindle Fire those ever so nice people at Amazon have released the 'Kindle' and other ebook versions of my latest and most wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' early which is nice. I just have to say that you will be pleased to hear that 'The Cat's Travelogue' is coincidentally the best book I have written since my last one.

Not just to be content with getting a big head start on selling my ebook the paperback department of Amazon demanded equal rights to the ebook department and guess what you can buy either or indeed both formats on Amazon now, they have just told me I checked and it's true - isn't that wonderful.

So that means that if you want a copy of my latest book you can order it now and have it instantly, if you want the eVersion or, in a couple of days max if you want the paper one. And the good news is that you will beat those who have ordered it at book stores by at least a couple of weeks.

So for all of my wonderfully faithful, patient and cuddly readers here are the important web addresses to click on, and don't forget you will make me very happy if you buy one book, delightfully happy if you buy two and delirious happy if you buy more than five.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway and I have a feeling I have said this before, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the store on my www - wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

To make life easy for you I have added the links you are going to need to get my book from good old (some say) Amazon.com do go for The Cat's Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

If you need a Kindle to read my truly wonderful latest book on then get a Kindle Fire here they are really rather good as well as being competitively priced I hear.

If you want a good old iPad2 then I have another place for you to click - Computers aren't you lucky? This link will take you straight to Amazon.coms Computers store for great prices, fast delivery and the same service you get when ordering my book. You never know they might even arrive in the same parcel that would be neat wouldn't it?

Technorati Tags:
clever Cat, ebook, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, Latest book, New Book, The Cats Travelogue, Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Latest Book, credit card, Kindle Fire, Amazon US, Amazon UK

A Little Light Relief From My Book Launch

2011-10-05T06:32:00.001+01:00

As the title says I thought I would offer a little light relief from my book launch, and I have some time before I have a chat with a nice lady from a media outlet in Seattle so here is a picture I saw the other day and thought to myself "which one are they visiting?"

You humans really are 'adorable' and when I use that would I really me simple.

The book launch is going well, as I said above it's busy but they don't happen often and neither do colds what a shame that both came around at the same time for me this year!

Have you ordered your copy of my latest peerless masterpiece of feline? No! Well do because I don't want to ask myself in a few weeks time "was it worth sneezing over so many members of the public at book signings and annoying sound engineers in TV studios?"

If you haven't ordered your copy of my latest book The Cat's Travelogue there is no better place than Amazon and you can do that using my handy link below although I have to say that my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com is as good but you can't buy a toaster and my book there.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, The Cats Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, TVSeattle,Amazon,www - wickedly wonderful website,www.amazon.com,www.thecatsdiary.com, TV, Seattle, Amazon

Web Design Kittens

2011-10-04T06:46:00.001+01:00

To my surprise and delight my web design Kittens have become rather popular among my dear cuddly readers and quite a few have added extra fan mail to the usual (and welcome fan mail) they send me by sending fan mail to my cute web design Kittens.

Quite a few of the fan letters asked for a picture of my web design Kittens and so so here it is.

In answer to the person who wrote from Des Moines, the one from Bangalore and indeed the one from Didsbury, England the answer is a firm no.

Regarding the request from the man in Fife Scotland, you should be ashamed of yourself! How could my web design Kittens write a book? I ask you! That's what I do! If you want a masterpiece of feline literature then read either Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary or The Cat's Travelogue which you can get from either my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or from Amazon.com.

To make it easier for you just click these pictures and you will be whisked straight to my wonderful book of your choice on Amazon - there who says I don't look after my cuddly readers.

Technorati Tags:
cuddly readers, England, Kittens, Scotland, The Cat's Travelogue, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.amazon.com, www.thecatsdiary.com, Web design, Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary, Fife, Didsbury, Des Moines, Bangalore, fan, fan letters

Web Site Redesign

2011-10-03T07:22:00.001+01:00

To accommodate my latest masterpiece 'The Cat's Travelogue' my web design Kittens have been working around the clock to redesign, improve and extend my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com.

So now when you arrive at my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com you have the choice of viewing my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com in either the original Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary mode or click the page turn icon at the top on the right hand side and enter... wait for it... The Cat's Travelogue mode of my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com isn't that neat? Aren't my web design Kittens just the coolest web designers around? The answer there is yes by the way.

My clever web design Kittens have included the usual high quality features you expect from a truly www - wickedly wonderful website although of course we all know that there is only one www - wickedly wonderful website and that one is mine www.thecatsdiary.com and that is because it was me that invented the concept of www - wickedly wonderful website what a clever Cat I am! But then you know that don't you my dear cuddle readers and my new friends.

So do go and visit my www - wickedly wonderful website and take a peek at the changes and if you like them do let me know through the usual channels or blind drop boxes.

Technorati Tags:
Cat, clever Cat, Getting Out Excerpts From A Cat's Diary, The Cats Travelogue, web design, www - wickedly wonderful website, www.thecatsdiary.com, web design Kittens