Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Oh dear! Mouthwash to make you throw up!

Ok so we know that the mouthwash was 'formulated in the USA' but where on earth was the copy for the label written?

I tend to think China, where they would have copied the design of the bottle and everything else about the product even lying that the stuff was formulated in the US of A, what do you think?

For best results throw up mouthwash into the glass





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Look at what popped out of by in box

Here is something that was sent to me anonymously and as soon as you can see the picture you can see why.

The email was of course signed 'a friend.'

Photo 1

What I would like to know in all of the fury that followed the publication of the future queen's boobs (if the marriage lasts that long of course and the British royal family have an appalling track record on fidelity and long lasting marriages) is why no one yet criticised Katie poo for getting her rather ordinary human mammary glands out in the first place, aren't queens and future queens supposed to be paragons of virtue? Obviously not these days and I blame the parents don't you?

Their behaviour could be matched by any of the normal, ordinary, everyday' people who the currently are criticised for losing their way morally who can blame them when they have Kate and whatever her husband is called, his father and uncles as role models they are worse than alley Cats and of course this cat should know meeeow!!!!!!!

Obviously it is impossible for andy royal to behaviour like ladies and gentlemen because of their much vaunted ancestors. When you think about it all through history the British royal family have always had appalling manners and morals, so Kate and the no neck she is married too fit in nicely.

Although unrelated I have to say that the other day I was think about the royal family and the latest female addition and her family and it occurred to me that Kate and the other Middleton Frau who's name escapes me together with their Mum and Dad are very much like the Boleyn's of Henry VIII fame. They seem to be merely after fame, fortune and appear to lack any real morals.

So I do hope that the ten pound note above does eventually go into circulation because to my way of thinking it perfectly sums up Britain and the British royal family, to my way of thinking they deserve each other!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, September 24, 2012

Oh Apple what have you done!

Everyone but everyone, well 'but' me until today has been talking about the "balls up" I can say that here can't I? That Apple have made with their maps after throwing their toys out of the pram in their spat with Google.

You know I have been using Apples computers since the day they made them with a hard shell and I loved them, no sorry I loved them, no that isn't right I meant to type I 'love' them but that 'd' just keeps popping up!

In the old days when you bought an Apple computer you made a choice, not only to spend far too much money but also to help keep a small company alive, and in return you got reasonably good tech service and brilliant dealer service, free OS upgrades, copies of Apple programs thrown in with your purchase and everything else that you would expect from a company with a human face that not only liked (ooh that 'd' again) its customers but knew that it needed ('d') to keep its them.

Now that doesn't seem to be the case and just because Google have a different business model to Apple and Google want to snoop on you find out what you like/do when using your, email, your computer, iPad equivalent or iPhone 5 equivalent and then once they have snooped enough serve you 'personalised' adverts and they are making their software available to everyone who wants to clone an iPhone. Apple have become all silly and got rid of the Google maps and replaced them with a collection of crap - again I can say crap here can't I?

Here are my two farourite examples and a message to Apple, "for god's sake grow up!"

Berlin antarctica

Apples wobbly Clifon Bridge

So what do the examples above say about Apple these days, my take is hasty, arrogant, and slap dash, what a difference to the Apple of the 1990's, it just goes to prove that when something gets too big and secures too much power it isn't healthy like local government and Microsoft in the 1990's, now though Microsoft are a company who I have started think have some cool trendy ideas like say for instance SkyDrive which is Microsoft's answer to GoogleDrive which is awful and you know they will read your stuff and the iCloud which I personally find almost impossible to use and I have no idea why because I have been using computers since the year dot.





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

This is how they serve Spaghetti in Equatorial Guinea

Here is a very special Spaghetti from the best restaurant in Malabo, Equatorial Guinea.

Spaghetti speciality from Malabo Equatorial Guinea

Yum yum!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, September 17, 2012

What is the fuss about Kate?

As the title says - what is all the fuss about Kate?

In the spotlight now

Well I had to have a look on the internet didn't I? I am, after all, a red blooded male! And imagine my disappointment! Poor Katie poo! I would be embarrassed if my naughty bits had been spread all over the internet like chicken pox especially if my err… how can I put this, oh yes! 'unmentionables' looked like this! It looks like the poor lamb has chicken pox.

What is the fuss about Kate

At least the last royal female to give the world a flash had knockers that could fill a double page spread, just like her "hindquarters," which is, I think, the way the Duke of Yorkies refers to her best features!

I think the royals are wonderful - they do a wonderful job for the paparazzi supplying candid pictures now and again, which are so much better than the ones that are staged, where poor ugly little Katie is plastered in makeup and dressed up to the nines - the poor love spends enough money a year on her clothes and makeup to keep a small primary school open and still manages to look… how can I put this… "like she does!"





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Bridge etiquette in Korea

Who would have thought that so much thought could have gone into a sign about crossing a bridge?

Never pass the old in Korea

If anyone can tell me what you have to do to "trifle" on a bridge I would be delighted to hear, obviously it is only westerners who are expected to "trifle" on bridges because the sign is in English.

Lastly do you have to slow down for the the old, the weak and the drunken children so that you don't pass them? And what if one of them stops can you pass them then?

Korea must be such a confusing place if there is so much thought given to something as simple as bridge etiquette.





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Beware cheap far east cruises

Indonesian Cruises announce the departure of their flag ship on a barbecue tour of the far east.

Indonesian Cruises announce the departure

Note:

Don't worry I am not being an evil Cat and laughing at others misfortunes, no passengers were hurt during the inaugural cruise pictured above!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I like Churches - with a sense of humour!

Holy sense of humour

Say no more!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Friday, September 07, 2012

Please explain this sign

Picture this, an English summer, a busybody or two organise a Fête, they book the vicar to open it when the local born TV celebrity backs out. Then someone steals the Tom bola prizes, but the Brits all pull together and a reasonable time is had by all on the day.

When the organising committee are working so hard sadly some things can get overlooked and somethings taken literally, like say for instance the wording in some signs.

Please explain

Oh dear granny!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, September 06, 2012

Not the face of Jesus

Ok my dear cuddly readers be prepared for something of a shock! Look what was in the inside of the lid of my instant coffee jar!

Cat in a Cap 3

Or should I say look… the hand of god has created an imagine of himself in the inside of the lid of my coffee jar, either way is this a miracle, is god really two Cats?

In all honestly I don't know the answer to the question above just as the fools who report sightings of statues that suddenly start to bleed from the hands or more bizarrely, if that is possible, from the eyes. Neither do the people who see the face of Jesus in their breakfast cereal they just see something that is odd, spooky or strange and attach some nonsense to it so here goes - God is two Cats and they live in on the inside of my coffee jar! I can here the funny farm sirens now!

On the other hand I could just say look at the odd pattern that I've discovered in the lid of my coffee jar and that be an end to it.

Although oddly enough the coffee jar lid has been unscrewed and screwed back up dozens of times now and the image remains as it was when it first appeared like a small brown crop circle oooH! ooh ooh spooky noises abound!

Just to prove that (1) I am a dreadful photographer, (2) my camera is pretty rubbish and (3) I am not telling 'porky pies' (lies) I have added three images of the incredible 'event' that is the inside of my coffee jar. Below are the other two, one has light shining on it although I didn't use a flash. And no I haven't enhanced, improved or tampered with the pictures in any way what so ever - Cat's honour!

Cat in a Cap 1


Cat in a Cap 2





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Backward ways in China

If you need to be excused please don't try to follow these instructions too carefully!

Follow these instructions carefully China





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Dog waste bags and the personal use conundrum solved!

Picture the scene, there is a post affair in front of you and hanging from it are some new, probably clean, Dog waste bags. Do you help yourself even though you might not have a Dog tugging at a leash in front of you?

You stand there experiencing something of a dilemma, do you help yourself to a few, would they make great freezer bags, would they make great hoover bags, could you keep your socks in them?

Now happily thanks to the Nantucket Conservation Foundation you have your answer.

Dog waste bags and the personal use conundrum solved

My only worry in all of this is that it is possible, when you reread the sign, that the Nantucket Conservation Foundation might think that you are considering using their Dog waste bags for a very personal use! Ugh!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, September 03, 2012

Risky Tourists?

Risky Tourists

Do you have any idea, dear cuddly reader what a "Risky Tourist" is or indeed "Risky Tourists" are I have to say I have no idea what they are, what they do or where they come from, but and as I say sometimes it is a big one (the 'but' that is) I have to say I am rather glad I don't know what a Risky Tourists is and furthermore I hope I never encounter any.

There is one further question rattling around in my mind and that is why do they come from Finland - the risky tourists that is?

Are you from Finland? Do you do risky things when on holiday? I do hope not!

Toodle pip!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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