Thursday, August 30, 2012

Today I would like to talk about Orphans in Kenya

WHAT ON EARTH DO THEY DO TO ORPHANS IN KENYA?

Hungry orphans in Kenya

Have they no heart the Kenyans? These are orphans for goodness sake! They have a life that is hard enough without starving them - go on give them a Prawn! Oh and do give this caring Cat a Prawn too for mentioning it!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Welcome to Russia poster blunder

In a recent Metro poster advertising campaign across Europe designed to encourage tourists to visit Moscow, the authoritarians may have just shot each other in the foot, or is that feet?

Welcome to Russia 1

The poster in question showed a typical Moscow morning scene with a bit of pre-rush hour traffic, some domes, places of cultural interest, a river and oh! Of course a bit of green. You know the sort of "Come on! What are you waiting for? Visit us, it's a nice place," poster that is produced by every tourist board in every city for their countries and capitals.

Unfortunately the ex-comrades decided to take this particular aerial picture just before the Moscow pollution smog came up in the afternoon, or it might have been that the light was 'right' and the photographer was a perfectionist! Who knows? What we do know is that when they took the picture they obviously didn't notice a convoy of military vehicles was pootling along the road next to the Moscow River, maybe it just happens so often that they didn't think that sort of thing was unusual.

If they had known/cared/noticed etc., they might have waited ten or fifteen minutes so that the convoy of lorries carrying missiles armed with nuclear warheads wasn't in their shot!

Oh sorry did I forget to mention that the line of traffic (shown in the enlargement below) was carrying enough missiles armed with nuclear warheads, through the sunny centre of Moscow, to blow more than the skin of everyone's rice pudding in the entire world - or definitely do that to the people that 'The Put' doesn't like or agree with, a list that gets longer by the day!

Welcome to Russia 2

Mind you if you really want to frighten the children show them the picture below.

Welcome to Russia 3


Ok look away I beg you before you turn to salt sometime in advance of you becoming just an unfortunate casualty in a nuclear 'conflict' (as they call 'wars' these days) and get turned to salt anyway.





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Prince among fools

Harry naked

Ok we have all been here before haven't we? A member of that sad, discredited and failing British institution the royal family caught with his trousers down and I am not talking about Henry VIII who was a master when it came to waving his royal naughty bits around. Which incidentally just goes to show that in 486 years they haven't learned their lesson - talk about slow learners!

I had to laugh at a headline which I saw today in the online edition of the Daily Telegraph "Prince Harry faces 'dressing down' from commanding officer" I wondered just how much more 'dressing down' the fool among princes can achieve - see photograph above which looks as though it has been cut out of a gay magazine - "not guilty!"

Which all goes to show that the royal family and not just the royal wand wavers should be got rid of and quickly. The royal family obviously believe that they are just as entitled to the atrocious behaviour of ego maniacs today as they always have been like oh to name but one Henry VIII who of course changed the religion of the country to get a girl to say "yes!"

Oh by the way apparently the punishment that will most likely be levelled at the naked prince for shaking his stuff and being daft enough to do that in a room full of naked drunks is to have to donate his wages to charity! Now that would be a real punishment if he was a real soldier, but being a pretend part-time soldier and a real playboy who's suite next door to where he gate crashed a hen party and stripped off cost $10,000 a night.

Which beggars the question, how do you punish these idiots with more money than sense? You could just stop them in their tracks, strip them of all of their wealth and then rent them out to the rich who need a token royal guest to really get that party started.

Mind you I don't suppose that the Duke of Edinburgh does that sort of thing anymore and when he did at least he did it in the room next door to the Queen's bedroom (apparently) and the Queen - well did you see her face in the TV cameras during the Olympics, most heads of state would have killed to have done what she was invited to do, but she didn't crack her face and smile did she?

Oh and by the way just how much leave from the military has prince Harry managed to accrue? He had time off for most of the Olympics and still enough leave to party his way across America - why does the British Military have to put up with these royal fools?

It must cost millions to protect the royals even when they aren't anywhere near the frontline and if I recall the Royal Navy had to give prince Charles a ship to command at the end of his naval career because he whined so much! Happily they found him an 18 year old minesweeper that no one was too worried about if he spilt his Gins no the furniture or clipped a dock wall or two here or there!

Funny how after just five years of service in the Royal Navy which ended in 1976 the fool was made an Admiral in 2006? Which begs the question - what the f**k?

Get rid of them and do it soon. The royal family make Britain look like a laughing stock.





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, August 27, 2012

Goodbye Neil Armstrong and thank you

Sadly a hero has passed away. Neil Armstrong was someone who like most people in the world I didn't know, never met and never had an opportunity to meet, but like millions of people at the end of the 1960's I watched him in fuzzy black and white tv pictures do something that no one will ever do again and that was be the first person to step, not only on the Moon but on a different planetary body, and all you can say to that is WOW!

Neil Armstrong

Just how brave does someone have to be to travel so far and to take that first step onto somewhere so alien? Although he would have been briefed till the cows come home on just what to expect Mr. Armstrong was the sole individual who had to actually do all the things that enabled a moon landing. Again WOW!

Apollo11logo

Put yourself, for a moment, into the great big white suit, helmet and shoes of this hero and try to imagine just what was going through his mind, with millions watching on tv, as he used a joystick affair that was a lot more primitive than ones to be found on games consoles today to land on the Moon and then several hours afterwards open the hatch and make your way down a ladder onto the dusty surface of the Moon, no I can't imagine what it was all like, oh I do wish that we all had had the opportunity to have chatted to the guy for five minutes. I just hope that I wouldn't have shook his hand and just kept saying WOW all the time!

Apollo 11 Launch

What a journey, what an adventure, what a marvellous achievement and what a story Mr. Armstrong had to tell.

In England (where I was born) if you win an Olympic gold medal or two, or a football competition it's 'usual' for you to be made a 'sir' or knighted as the royalists call it. So if Neil Armstrong had been English how would they have rewarded him? I have no idea but at the very least he would have been given the honour of a state funeral! So come on America what are you waiting for? Insulting the memory or a such a hero is beneath you!

Apollo 11 Lunar Module Eagle in landing configuration

Now I do hope now that the 'clever' people who believe that the Lunar landings were just a hoax will not try in their cowardly way to tarnish the memory of one of the world's heroes, this great man simply doesn't deserve it!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, August 24, 2012

A sign of madness!

Pardon

I know! It is absolutely perfect isn't it?





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Educational nonsense across the world

As we all know who are or have been parents it is time to send our little one and indeed our bigger ones back to school and so with that in mind I thought I would share a little snap I saw from a South African TV news programme which was discussing the importance of education.

Educational nonsense across the world

Oops! Well it just goes to show how important a good education is doesn't it?





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Back to School

For most young people it's back to school soon and for a lot of them they will be looking forward to getting a decent education, sadly that doesn't seem to be the case in the UK as this road sign shows.

Back to School

Mind you as the government of David Cameron is now making it almost impossible for working class or as we call them nowadays 'poorer families' to send their children to further education what do you expect?





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Small children love picnics and they'll love Scotland

I hear from a lot of sources that the Pixar movie 'Brave' (which is a reference to those who go to watch it I understand) is being used by the Scottish Tourist Board to drum up business.

Here is why they have to pay so much to Pixar!

Small children welcome Scotland

Happy picnicking!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, August 20, 2012

50p each 2 for a pound, what sort of bargain is that?

This picture was spotted at a sunny boot fair recently and I have to say that the dedication to achieving a minimum price of 50p is very impressive.

And I think that the main sign shows a nice use of asterisks although the spelling of "aerosol" is as creative as the pricing.

All Airysoul he was President of Israel wasn t he

Just a thought but wasn't All Airysoul President of Israel?





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Off to Berlin, again

I am off to Berlin, again! I know it's incredible for a Cat to visit the capital of a nation that he doesn't particularly like so often, but the more I tell the Germans and in particular Berliners that I dislike them the more they ask me back!

Is there a cunning plan here? I wonder if they are trying to win me over by paying for my visits with luxury travel and five star hotels? Or are they just trying to wear me down? Who can tell what is behind those honest blue eyes under that pure blonde hair, I can't for one, but that is mainly because the buggers are so tall I can't look into their blue eyes pure or not!

BGate

So here I go for another four days of noisy Berliners I know it won't be fun. The worst thing about Berlin frankly is not the place it's the lifts (elevators to some), the lifts are, I have to say here, very much like lifts all around the world, some have scary glass sides, some are dark places with mood music for murderers and most, if not all, of the lifts in Berlin are filed to the brim with large tubby female Germans in their late teens and twenties making the sort of noise that if it came out of an aeroplane would ensure that it never flew again.

Here I was going to ramble on about Berlin and complain a lot, but I think that in the above two paragraphs you my dear cuddly readers can see my point! So instead of a tirade I thought that I would tell you about a little known fact, I heard from a reliable source, yes ok it was my good friend Ginger who's reliability does occasionally come in to question on an hourly basis! But here it is anyway

Apparently there is a rogue British soldier whose shadowy presence haunts the people of Berlin (which thinking about it is probably the reason they are so loud), who doesn't know that the war is over.

Private Tommy Strand fought his way from the Normandy Beaches to Berlin in the WWII. Now the fact that there were any nations other than the Americans fighting at Normandy may come as a surprise to people who only watch Band of Brothers or any Spielberg movie including the one whose name I can't remember at the moment but had the name 'Ryan' in the title I think.

British at Normandy

Anyway, Tommy Strand always seemed to be part of the next 'big push' and the only break the poor devil caught was that he wasn't part of Operation Market Garden the peabrain plan of the idiot general known as Mad Monty.

Instead of landing in Arnhem and becoming a prisoner of war Private Strand marched and fought his way to the heart of Germany and the capital, which is Berlin for those of you who are only scan reading this blog.

As you can imagine along the way many of the soldiers who fought and forced their way into Hitler's front garden were affected, millions lost their friends, hundreds of thousands lost their lives, many sadly lost their minds and when the fighting stopped and the Germans almost to a man and woman decided that Hitler's ideas were not so bloody clever and they had only been following orders anyway it was difficult for the occupying soldiers to adjust.

For poor demented Private Strand it was more than difficult, it was impossible and with his gun of the same name strapped to his back (no not a Strand Gun, a Tommy Gun duh!) and a weeks forth of Corned Beef sandwiches Tommy Strand went native which because Berlin was completely flattened was in effect 'underground.'

For years Tommy Strand haunted the occupying armies and defeated Berliners by firing his machine gun at night, stealing cigarettes, Beer and Corned Beef sandwiches from the NAAFI which is a sort of trading organisation for the British Forces that not only feeds soldiers but also sells them cheap cigarettes and booze at rates so attractive that it almost encourages lung cancer and alcoholism and of course alcohol and cigarettes are two things that can get a soldier into trouble is they are caught using them on duty.

At first the British Army working with members of the local police, retired SS Officers and others, who were not lucky enough to be Rocket Scientists and were stranded in Berlin, searched for Tommy but the searches only turned up chewed crusts from Corned Beef sandwiches and empty Beer bottles.

It was as if Tommy Strand had become a ghost and would, because of his cleverness at not being found, become something worse a legend and so to avoid embarrassment it was decided in Whitehall and Downing Street that Private Tommy Strand would just simply have to disappear and be 'unremembered' a technique which had been learned from the British Allies across the Rhine.

And so in the late summer of 1945 it was decided that Private Tommy Strand should be 'disappeared' from memory and any official documents, but never from the nighttime in Berlin nor as the scourge of NAAFI, nor from the mind of some of his superiors who secretly and unofficially continue searching for Tommy, one of the reasons that there are still military bases in Germany, I am afraid I can't tell you the 'other' reasons.

NAAFI Stores

From time to time a clever photographer would catch sight and if he was lucky 'snap' Tommy Strand in the daylight, on a Corned Beef sandwich run. You would think that a soldier dressed in antique battle dress carrying a similarly antique machine gun would be easy to spot but you have to remember Tommy was clever and not spotted or as the British Army discovered easily found either and of course these were simpler times as were the people, they believed Churchill after all, to say nothing of the other chap with the moustache of course.

Below is the last know picture of Private Tommy Strand in front of the Brandenburg Gate in the spring of 1963. It is believed that soon after this picture was taken Tommy ran out of bullets for his treasured and ever so noisy machine gun and worse the British Army no longer kept stores of that calibre in their ammunition dump under the old Reich Chancellery - oops I may have said too much there!

Soldier in Berlin

The picture below which was recently declassified shows British Military Police searching for Tommy in 1989. It wasn't long after this picture was taken that the search officially petered out, many said that the reason for the search being called off was that Tommy was just to wily, too clever for the searchers, as one Major said "I admire Private Tommy Strand in a way, you know, clever bugger, bloody clever, he probably has a very big hideout somewhere, I admire that too! Oh is that the time, must dash Tea in the officers mess in five!"

Military Police searching

Others believe that because of the thaw in relations with the Soviet Empire and the fall of the Berlin Wall, which increased the search area enormously, the military simply lost interest in finding their errant private, who if he had stayed in the military and taken advantages of the comprehensive training and various education packages available could have rise through the ranks.

As a Colonel (who wished remain anonymous) said.

"If Private Strand had stayed in the Army and not gone awol by now he may well have been a General and in charge of the search for himself, err himself. Mind you he would be 74 today and that is a bit old even for a General!"

Now I bet you didn't know that did you!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Penguin's role in Religion

They say that church is a place for all and this church in New Zealand proves the rule even though the "fishy smell" must offer worshippers something of a challenge.

All welcome New Zealand

Obviously there is no room in heaven for the anti-social including Possums and quite rightly too!

So all this Cat can say is that he hopes that the Penguins grow up to be model citizens and the Possums mend their ways.

For those of you who are curious to know what the word "Whanau" means and are too lazy to look it up, or tired of getting adverts instead of results from your Google search, here is what I discovered, though I haven't managed to find a New Zealander to check the translation with - just like trams there is never one around when you need one is there?

Whānau is a Māori language word for extended family. The letter 'ā' is obviously difficult to find even on an ecclesiastical word processor! Apparently a number of Māori words like Whānau are now becoming popular in New Zealand and entering the language unlike words from languages like… oh say Welsh!

I have a feeling that Whānau is not a word that is going to catch on globally like say a lot of black American words such as 'hood' (neighbourhood), 'grill' (some sort of mysterious device that sits on clenched teeth made from bling), 'gangsta' (armed children on street corners who emulate their elders) 'bitch' (a 'hopefully' beloved wife/girlfriend) and so on and so forth.

It does seem a shame that some words cross into the mainstream vocabulary and some don't!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, August 13, 2012

A strange kind of tenderness in Majorca

As the Czech summer becomes ever more like an English one I am starting too think that it might be time to have my second holiday early this year to alleviate some of the shivering, but where to go? That is the question.

I have to say that I love Spain and normally drop in on my amigos at leads once a year but before booking a scheduled flight to sunny Majorca this weekend,(anyone who has read my second masterpiece of feline literature, 'The Cat's Travelogue', will know my thoughts on low cost airlines and so I don't think I need to say what bad value for money they are here, just read my book), I remembered an odd sign someone gave me that had come from the overly commercial south of the island, where you can get tattoos, pieced ears (not all attached) and horribly drunk if you are a dreadful loutish British tourist.

Mixed message Majorca

Makes you wonder if the Spanish know what tenderness or being gentle is doesn't it, I know that they have, in the main, given up Bull Fighting "thank goodness," a cry I hear echoed around the world by the Toro de Lidia or Black Bulls big and small, but using a weapon to piece an ear is a bit much isn't it?






About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Thursday, August 09, 2012

An unusual sign especially for the Olympics

Usually if I see a sign that has been deliberately altered or 'defaced,' to be more precise, I tend not to include it in my little collection of silly signs but as it's Olympics fortnight I thought I would make an exception for this bilingual sign.

Swim in Poo

I believe that it's also important to mention the Olympics today because Mr Cameron the Team GB Prime Minister has said that the Olympics should have a lasting legacy! Makes ten sound like the royal family for some reason - I suppose it is always because royalists are trying to justify their existence too when this last Diamond Jubilee Bank Holiday proved that the royals are a bigger waste of money than space by costing the nation several billion for an extra day off, and still they whine to give them a royal yacht, I just don't get it do you?

Mind you he, Davy Cameron that is, did say all that Olympic nonsense at the same time as his government has announced that they will be getting rid of a lot of school playing fields, the very place where school age athletes train.

Still as more than half of the Team GB medal winners come from schools where rich parents pay a small fortune to educate their children in what the English call "private schools" these days and so that shouldn't affect Team GB should it.

But sadly the mainly private school educated chumps in the Cameron government weren't content with just snatching school playing fields, so that their rich buddies who donate to the party could build houses and industrial estates that will probably remain empty because of the recession, they went a little further and will sadly cancel the two hour cigarette break for school teachers who teach games and another subject.

All of which makes the sign above rather relevant because the UK as a whole and England in particular seems to be swimming in the very stuff it mentions - politicians who needs them?





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Panther Piss the perfect pick up

If you are feeling a little down in the dumps and need a bit of a pick me up then I think I have discovered the perfect tonic.

Strong stuff from South Africa

Panther Piss is probably ten times stronger than the more famous Piddle Beer from Dorset, in England, that a friend of mine likes to quaff in considerable quantities and reading the ingredients I can understand why! 90% Alcohol and more than a dash of Nitric Acid, wow strong stuff!

Now I have to say that I don't know a lot about Panther Piss but I believe that it is an illegal liquor distilled in and then sold to the people of the Townships of South Africa, what I do know is that whoever makes the stuff in the Townships must really loathe their fellow humans beings.

So how I hear you ask, does Panther Piss do what I say it will do in the opening line? Simple really! If you know someone who is feeling a little down in the dumps and in need a bit of a pick me up then all you have to do is to threaten them with a dose of Panther Piss, I bet they will feel better immediately or sooner!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Show me where this is on a doll?

There are some words that really shouldn't be used in a sign, well that is what I think and to prove my point I offer you this sign!

Show me where this is on a doll please

Now as the title says do please show me where this place is on a doll!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, August 06, 2012

Golden rules for signwriting

Here are a few golden rules for signwriters:

1. Collect your thoughts before you start

2. Decide what you want to say concisely and clearly

3. Find a clean surface to work on

4. Employ the services of a competent translator if you are not working in your native language

5. Read the sign carefully for mistakes

Tips for signwriting collect your thoughts before you start

Clearly the signwriter here didn't follow any of the golden rules above when he, or indeed she, decided to create the masterpiece of misinformation (above).





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, August 03, 2012

Is it me or does this picture make you hungry?

I am ashamed to say it but this picture makes me ravenous!

Lunch

No before you call the emergency tree hugger brigade I have to explain the men on the boat are eating Prawns and frankly I want them, yes I want all their Prawns now and while I am at it anyone else's too!

Please give me a Prawns or buy loads of copies of my wonderful books so that I can buy my own Prawns, after all that would be a great deal wouldn't it? I like Prawns and my books are top of the Summer reading charts I am happy to say with millions of satisfied readers already so if you are doing some last minute shopping for you fortnight in the sun you could do no worse than getting one or both of my books and happily the covers are sun lotion proof.

In addition I have it on good authority that if you fall asleep with a copy of my book on your stomach it will protect you skin more efficiently than factor 80 suncream, how about that!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Is it me or does this picture make you hungry?

I am ashamed to say it but this picture makes me ravenous!

Lunch

No before you call the emergency tree hugger brigade I have to explain the men on the boat are eating Prawns and frankly I want them, yes I want all their Prawns now and while I am at it anyone else's too!

Please give me a Prawns or buy loads of copies of my wonderful books so that I can buy my own Prawns, after all that would be a great deal wouldn't it? I like Prawns and my books are top of the Summer reading charts I am happy to say with millions of satisfied readers already so if you are doing some last minute shopping for you fortnight in the sun you could do no worse than getting one or both of my books and happily the covers are sun lotion proof.

In addition I have it on good authority that if you fall asleep with a copy of my book on your stomach it will protect you skin more efficiently than factor 80 suncream, how about that!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Toulouse, where the bastards come from, apparently!

Toulouse where the bastards come from

Fancy that!

The only thing you can say in favour of this French sign is that it is bilingual! How cruel is it to highlight the number of people born out of wedlock as they used to say in the victorian times and still do in the Conservative Party in the UK.

Still at least we know where all the bastards come from in Toulouse don't we!





About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

Technorati Tags:
, , , , , , , , , ,