Thursday, March 29, 2012

Dare you book a holiday with this travel agent?

If you live fast then you may want to use this travel agent! Based in Seoul, Korea and Swansea (obviously) Dai Young Travel never fail to deliver death defying holidays with their partner airline which is obviously JetBlue.

Dai Young Travel

JetBlue I hear you cry, where is the joke in that? Well my cuddly boys and girls if you read the paper you would have read all about the fun and games laid on by the pilot of the JetBlue flight from JFK to Las Vegas as the ranting pilot was pinned down by passengers, one of whom then made an emergency landing in Amarillo Texas.

JetBlue

I could of course have added a picture of the poor unfortunate devil being 'de-planed' (as they used to say) strapped to a gurney and screaming, but I thought that was a little sick and so my dear cuddly readers you will have to be content with a picture above. Of course if you want to witness the poor devils suffering you can turn to any national newspaper and of course Google or YouTube who all obviously have much lower standards than this Cat.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

HillBilly Humour

HillBilly Humour
Well that is one way to deal with Junk Mail, I wonder what they do to all of the spam that Google's Gmail attracts?





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Weekend viewing

Over the weekend as my twitter (twitter.com/TheCatsDiary) followers will probably know I watched the Muppet Movie, not the first one which has that wonderful gag about turning left at the fork in the road and the next thing you know there is a big fork stuck in the middle of a junction tee hee (oh how I laughed at that), no this was the most recent one and I have to say that I was so pleased to see that Disney seem to have learned their lesson from disaster movies like the 'second coming of Pooh Bear' or whatever the movie was called and they made a rather good little Muppet Movie.

I also have to say that I suppose that I am a little bias, liking the Muppets, being as you know something of a anthropomorphic character myself but all the same I would recommend that you rent of even buy the DVD of this fine little movie which should not only entrance five year olds but also make oldies laugh more than a little.

Muppet Movie

Speaking of twitter if you do happen to fancy a little adventure, and we are talking rather small here I have to say, do drop by my twitter page because if you do you will be able to see an old pal of mine, Bumper, who was a very large Tabby Cat of my acquaintance.

Bumper got his name from the part of a car that hit him before we rescued him from the side of a road in London. As you can see from the picture, Bumper made a full recovery and lived for ages with us in the countryside.

He enjoyed sunning himself, sniffing grasses in the garden if he was persuaded to go outside, something that he had obviously had quite enough of as an alley Cat. Most of all Bumper enjoyed impersonating desk ornaments, in fact he always wanted to be the only desk ornament and so when he stretched out on 'his' desk he would gently knock everything else that was on the desk off believing that his little game wasn't being noticed! If any Cat in the world was more gentle or indeed more 'smiley' (if that was a word) then I haven't met him or her he was a great Cat and the perfect advert for adopting a stray Cat.

If you got to my twitter page (address above for those who have problems remembering things they have read)you will also be able to see the result of my 'Make a Carrot Cake Day.' Oh you are so lucky my wonderfully cuddly readers.


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Monday, March 26, 2012

It's Monday

It happens every week, well it has happened so far every week since I was born and I expect (based on evidenced gained from various calendars and enormous research to see if they all said the same) that it is going to happen every day, about this time of the week, for the rest of my life and dare I say 'yours' if I may be so bold. It's Monday!

This Monday is bright sunny, a bit nippy and promises to be rather special if not a little long as it is 6.20 am EST.

I have saluted the flag that is usually the Euro flag flying above the studios here in Barrandov, but is so tightly wrapped around the flagpole it looks as though it had a bit of a fright in the night, and now I am heading off to my studio to create some feline themed magic, wish me luck!

Barrandov Studios

Of course when I took this picture there was an unexpected gust of wind (not Feline) and the flag in question (the one on the right) decided to billow, they do that don't they? Flags. Still as they say that is life.

On this day:

Did you know that on this day 26th of March 1612 absolutely nothing that could be considered interesting or noteworthy whatsoever happened. Trust me to start a series entitled 'on this day' and pick a day where nothing of interest happened!





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, March 22, 2012

Not The Right Way In New Zealand

You humans confuse me sometimes, take this sign for instance why put a sign up to tell people to go this way if it is the wong way. Instead why not put a sign up to show the right way. That would be really less confusing wouldn't it?

Not The Right Way In New Zealand

Speaking of pronunciation I thought you might like this little jokette of mine which is now doing the rounds in pubs, clubs and the internet.

An Englishman, a Russian, and a Chinese chap all got jobs on a building site.

On the first day the foreman pointed to a massive pile of sand and told the Englishman, "You're in charge of sweeping, I want you to sweep the sand up into that pile."

To the Russian he said, "You're in charge of shovelling and I want you to shovel the sand back into the pile and you are both to keep the pile neat and tidy."

He turned to the Chinese chap he said, "And you are in charge of supplies." The he left saying "I've to go for a little while and I expect you guys to work hard while I am away."

Later when the foreman returned, the pile of sand was looking pretty neat and tidy, the Englishman had swept the site clean and the Russian had shovelled the sand back into the pile. The foreman was very pleased and told them that they had done well and worked very hard.

Then he looked around for the Chinese guy and when he couldn't see him he asked his two good workers if they knew where he was, the shook their heads.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from his hiding place in the pile of sand and shouted…

"SUPPLIES!"

Chinese Guy Jumping

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Guess the Guest Blogger

Dave the Cat

Hello everyone it is me Dave the Cat you may well know me as a character in The Cat's feline literary masterpiece 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary,' happily I am more than just a character and I wanted to prove that by writing a blog for The Cat and after a lot of whining, pawsticuffs and the promise of a day off The Cat has allowed me a whole page to talk to what he calls 'his' followers, but to people we all know like me even more than the Cat.

You know I am so happy to be the guest blogger today on The Cat's blog, hang on sorry about this interruption, "what do you mean my blog was supposed to be a secret, oh I can see that now and yes you are right there is a clue in the title!"

Sorry about that Cats, ladies and gentlemen it appears that I have got off to a bit of a bad start with my blog, but that is just the half of it, I think it is really difficult to write blogs and I don't know how The Cat manages to do it so often, I would take my hat off to him, but as you know I am allergic to taking my hat off.

You know I had it all planned, I was going to be witty, a bit racy and finish with a bang but I am finding it really difficult to write this blog, my thoughts hurt almost as much as my paws do from typing.

I was going to say… but I think I will leave that for later and go off and have a lie down.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Getting fit the Tunisian way

When you are on holiday you have, as I see it two choices, you can coat yourself in sun tan lotion, flop down next to the pool, order a constant supply of cool drinks, and totally veg out or you can use the sun, sea and spare time to get fit.

They do say that Tunisia is a great place to go on holiday, I personally don't agree, but a lot of people do visit for a holiday and come back again although less since the whole Arab Spring - that's vista and come back rather than just visit and disappear of course.

One of the many reasons why I think that Tunisia is such a bad choice as a holiday destination is the weird ideas that they have for exercising as the picture below suggests.

Abdominal Buttocks In Tunisia

Another reason is 'safety' and I can't stress this one enough, if you stray into the native areas or indeed a Gym you could be risking your life. Again these dangers are demonstrated using the picture - which is now above . Just imagine a 'Water Aerobics' class that soon after requires 'Body Pumping!' Just how much water do these characters expect use mere mortal holidaymakers to take on board?





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, March 15, 2012

What a wonderful Universe we live in

I saw these pictures of the Moon, Jupiter and Venus online (unlike the real thing sadly) and thought I would share them with you my dear cuddly readers.

They clearly show that we live in a wonderful Universe which when we start to get to know it will be an exciting and magical place with endless surprises and opportunities.

Venus and Jupiter


Moon venus jupiter

What a shame then after thinking of all of that 'higher' stuff that I read in the newspapers that Russia wants to send a man or two to the Moon, not to explore, consider the wonder of the view like the first men on the Moon, but to dig it up for rare earths and collect something called Helium 3 which is apparently very very rare and so worth a big fortune.

I suppose that the next 'Put' as they will no doubt call future Tsars will then want to hold the rest of the world to ransom by limiting supply of this stuff like they do to Europe at the moment with their natural gas, just like the Arabs do with their oil and the Chinese do with their rare earths.

It is such a shame that the marvellous Cosmos is regarded by most humans as a place where they can go eventually to dig it up and make the same mess of the Universe as they have made of the home planet. What say us Cats rise up and do something about this. Oh look a plate of Prawns and someone has puffed up my pillow - maybe I can start the revolution tomorrow!





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Is this the worst restaurant in the Middle East

As a really very large number of my regulars know I wrote a book recently called 'The Cat's Travelogue' and it has been selling like cakes fresh from the oven (thank you all for that).

In my latest masterpiece of feline literature I tell the (mostly) true story of my adventures encountered as I adventured around our little planet and of the fun I had there.

One of the places that I visited but was encouraged (with large sums of the folding stuff) not to mention was that builder of tall buildings, bastion of human rights and electoral freedom Qatar.

I think that the royal family of Qatar wanted to keep my visit to their little country off the record because unless you have shed loads of cash, and that means being related to the royals there, your life is pretty awful. You can, if you want to, read all about the repression there in other places I don't need to cut and paste that nonsense into my blog do I?

All I will say is that while you can, if you have the cash, live in seven luxury in Doha the capital of Qatar most of those annoying people who complain all the time that the oily cash which belongs to the country and could do so much good of the majority just gets stuffed into the pockets of only a few, leaving the majority to eat at places like the one below.

Qatar s Worst Restaurant

Not a very appetising prospect is it?

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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Barbecue time approaches

Summer is coming, well after Spring of course but it will be here soon enough and frankly I can't wait for a bit of warmth and some serious eating Al Fresco.

The other day I saw a picture which I thought I would share with all of my wonderful cuddly readers, it's of Barbecue Tiger Prawns coated in a Soy sauce and then when you have finished Barbecuing the giant tasty treats you dip them in a mixture of Soy sauce and sieved Tamarind Pulp that mixture is called 'Lampung sauce.'

Prawn BBQ

Of course TV chefs and food writers in magazines all believe that us ordinary common folk (well you ordinary common folk) can just reach up to the top shelf of our kitchen cupboards (or jump if you're me) and whip out enough Tamarinds to turn into 4 tablespoonfuls, sadly they live in a dream world where they are not only famous but useful!

I think that the best way to eat Barbecued Tiger Prawns or indeed any type of Prawn is with the least amount of 'cooking' and quickly, in terms of quantities the fool who wrote the article where I saw the picture above thought that 12 Tiger Prawns between 4 people was sufficient - really?

This Cat believes 12 Tiger Prawns each might act as a small starter if the meal then moves on to Scampi, Potted Shrimp, and Prawns Sandwiches without the bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes etc! I suppose these sandwiches could be called PLT's in the new world across the sea where the simple Bacon sandwich have been thus elevated.

So a PLT for me please and hold the Bread, Lettuce and Tomatoes thank you ever so much!

Um it hasn't arrived yet!

Prawn Sandwich





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, March 12, 2012

The Cat lets the picture say it all - almost!

Is India going to take over the world with their young vibrant population, excellent educational system, humanity, compassion and obvious frankness?

Shall we let the picture (below) answer that question?

The Red Cross In India





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, March 08, 2012

Today's blog is tinged with sadness

I am afraid that today's blog is desperately sad! You see I was set to have a bit of a break, a well deserved and earned rest, you know kick back and enjoy the Springlike sunshine that has been gracing us lately. But as you can see from the picture below it is snowing here and that means that I will get covered in the stuff when I go out to look at the garden and the Snowdrops, mind you Snowdrops in the snow are pretty cool aren't they.

Foot prints in the snow

If you haven't seen Snowdrops in the snow then you are in for a treat below.

Snowdrops in the snow

Sigh! All the snow means that I will have to go back inside and eat Prawns all day and that in turn means that I will need dozens if not millions of good people to buy my books Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary and The Cat's Travelogue so that I can afford even more Prawns it is a "vicious circle of life" to misquote the Lion King!





As you can see (above) happily I have had help making the little picture boxes look nicer - I hope. If they are, then it is a relief all round, do click them if you like, of course if you buy something after clicking them then www.amazon.com pay me a paltry sum in return and if you click the boxes with my books on then I get a bigger sum; hint hint! And 'sum' add up don't they!

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Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Never play with guns

You know the expression 'never play with guns' is so try but people still do and then look what happens!

Dead paintball fighter

Oops! What a shame that the 'safety' was off!

The danger of allowing anyone to carry guns

Still at long last the prince of Wales has actually 'done' something while wearing a military uniform and impersonating someone from the armed forces, I think today he is a General in the Welsh Guards, but tomorrow he may be wearing his Admiral's hat, he was after all a 'Captain' in the navy half a lifetime ago!





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Dodgy train timetable

If you ever go to Tallinn in Estonia you are going to be in for a really treat; if you like old, clean, uncrowded cities with lots of bars, cafés, friendly locals and places to see and it is as pretty in the Winter (picture below) as it is in the Summer (the picture of which you will have to look at on line - what do you think this is? A tourist information site? I think not!).

Tallinn

It's easy to get around in Estonia too if you want to visit not only cities in Estonia but also Russia if you feel brave enough to venture into Putinistan there are direct train routes to Moscow and a new one to St Petersburg the place that has to own up to being the birthplace of the great Put the Election Rigger.


There is only one small problem with train travel in Estonia and that is that it is very likely that you will get misled by the timetable, it isn't deliberate you understand it is just a national custom!

Train Timetable From The Tallin Bureau Of Disinformation





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, March 05, 2012

Odd restaurant names

You live in a wonderful sunny country right next to the sea and you have always wanted to open a restaurant and so you carefully select the location for your new restaurant - being close to tourists is always a good idea if you want a lot of customers and a successful business, you chose a menu that appeals to your customers and provides delicious well cooked reasonably priced food and you employ staff who are friendly, polite and cheerfully knowledgable about the cuisine you are providing.

Then all that is left after so much meticulous planning is to choose a name that's inviting, has meaning and makes potential customers want to come through the door - as you can see the owner of the restaurant below followed almost all of those rules!

Desperate Customers

I hope you can't hear the waterfall background!





About the Author - The Cat who writes blogs!

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Friday, March 02, 2012

In praise of Moles

If any of my blog readers follow my Twitter account they will know that yesterday I went out for a stroll behind the studio and saw the first Snowdrops of the year they were so pretty and signify (I hope) the end of the Winter and warmer days to come that I thought I would snap a picture and share it with all on my lovely cuddly readers.

Snowdrops

One of the other little marvels of nature that I saw, which I have to say were far more plentiful than the Snowdrops were Mole hills, there were thousands of them, by the looks of things Moles like to create their little hills all over the place and some of the places that they work so hard in are a little dangerous I have to say!

The Mole hills in the picture below were right next to a stream that's still a little swollen with melt water from the surrounding hills and the ice and snow that covered them for so long - shiver.

You know I like Moles and I think that Moles sadly have a bit of an image problem but honestly I would welcome them and their hills into my neighbour's garden any day!

Mole Hills

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Thursday, March 01, 2012

For the Git in your life

Here is a little hope for everyone who's life is being made a misery by the Git in their life. At last there's somewhere to send all of the Gits to and we can only hope that they like it so much that they stay there!

So if there's a git in your life pick up the phone and call Git Holidays I was going to say "and git a break from them," but that is stooping a bit low just for a jokette so instead of that I will do a little bit of advertising for the best product in the whole wide world - no not Apple's iPod Touch, iPhone or even the iPad, I meant my books in paper or electronic form! Well a Cat's got to eat!

For the Git in your life




About the Author - The Author of the Cat Diary

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and his latest wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."



Here are just a few things that you shouldn't leave the house without - well if you have an Apple iPad you probably don't need an Amazon Kindle Fire thingy but I am sure that you see what and mean and never, ever leave home without taking a copy of one of my wonderful books will you? Happily they come in both paper and electronic form.










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