Monday, October 31, 2011

Another 'Drive Safely" Sign

With the unexpected snow, that obviously doesn't have its alarm clock set for 'Winter,' falling all over New York I though it was about time to look at silly road signs yet again and I promise you on my travels researching my latest book buster of a book 'The Cat's Travelogue' I saw loads.

Oops I nearly forgot you can get a copy of my latest unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue' here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or if you are more than a little wired the ebook here The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

It seems that people who erect 'drive safely' signs are causing havoc with innocent motorists and here is the very latest example.

I bet the poor driver was too busy reading the sign in heavy snow to watch the road and a dangerous piece of ice that started this accident. I do wish that people who are responsible for safety signs would be more responsible don't you?

Still I suppose the old saying is true, "where you get motorists you get accidents!"A saying that is also true if you replace the word 'motorist' with human in this Cat's experience!

Drive Safely

I am so sorry I can't resist the urge to show you the cover of my latest book!

Travelogue by John Woodcock

There it's better to get these sorts of urges over and done with isn't it?

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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Worrying Switches At An Hotel In China

Here is yet another sign that I noticed on my recent travels around the world bumping into idiots and obviously their signs, this one is from the capital of China a dreadful backward place with little or no morals as the end of my little tale will demonstrate.

If you're looking for Smallpox then look no further because at a flick of a switch you can have a dose at this hotel in Beijing and it doesn't stop there! So dedicated to service and satisfying your every whim this hotel can at the flick of another switch give you lights that can kill.

Chinese Lighting System Small Pox Ded Lights

Just how many hotels do you stay in offer a "Ded Light Switch?" None I bet! So if you want to make sure that the Smallpox Switch does it's job properly and kills you, you can use your Ded Light Switch they really leave nothing to chance in China.

Mind you if you are a small child and want to end it all you just have to go out into the street in China and either get run over twice by passing motorists like poor little Yue Yue or more recently a 5 year old boy who was killed in a traffic accident in Sichuan province, it wads alleged that the driver of the truck reversed over his body to ensure that the little lad was dead because he didn't want to have the expense of hospital bills.

In a rather disgusting aside the boy's family then argued with the truck drive for five hours about the size of compensation he would pay, and if you think that is bad just think about a statement from Li Zekun the head of the Luxian county traffic police team who said that after an investigation found no evidence that the boy had been run over twice, which leads this Cat to think that it is ok to run a 5 year old over once in China.

But really all of the people involved from the Chinese officials, to the truck driver and little lads parents are just plain disgusting, what a good think that it is only a small proportion of the world who are like that, oops it happens in India too and if you combine the populations of those two countries you are getting on for half of mankind who are really quite awful, what a good job there are some nice people in the world and of course millions of Cats great and small.

I have to say honestly that I do like writing blogs and chatting with my lovely readers but, and I hate the fact that Cats can't lie, I do have an ulterior motive I have to get lovely cuddly readers in the first place and not only of my blogs, oh no it is very important that people buy my books so that I can call them my lovely cuddly readers in the first place - you do understand that.

So if you aren't one of my lovely cuddly readers and you want to be then all you have to do is to start clicking the links that are below, they will take you to either one of two safe places my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite here www.thecatsdiary.com or good old www.amazon.com where you can buy as many books as you like and if you want to be merry here is a little tip I understand that you humans have a saying the more the merrier!

Here are a selection of links that will take you straight to right places in www.amazon.com to buy either The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

Because I love the design is the cover of my latest unputdownable book The Cat's Travelogue, isn't it great?

Travelogue by John Woodcock

And don't forget you can buy either a paper edition of either or better still both of my books or an ebook format.

The Cat & Kindle

Lastly if you missed clicking on the links above here is another chance tee hee!

Gosh that is a lot of information and I have to say it seems as though I might just come over as a bit pushy but a Cat has got to be kept in a life style he is accustomed to doesn't he?

We all have heard the terrible news today that poor old www.amazon.com have seen their profits drop by 73%. Between you and me I was told (confidentially) that it's only the sale of my books keeping the poor devils afloat, so that means that you are not only going to make a Cat very happy when you buy loads of my books but also the poor staff at www.amazon.com whose jobs depend on the sales of my books!






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Monday, October 24, 2011

Odd Indian Road Sign - What Do They Mean?

I am a very innocent, nice and extremely well brought up Cat and so when I was trolling through India researching my latest blockbusting and unputdownable book called 'The Cat's Travelogue' (available here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition) I couldn't help but be confused by the sign below.

Odd Indian Road Sign  What Do They Mean

If anyone knows what on earth the Indians are on about do let me know! Or if you can guess why two young men in skirts are following an older man in orange shorts into an Accident Porn Area I would be interested to know. My theory is that the young men are planning a Porn Accident? Well I suppose they are in the right place aren't they!


In the meantime if you want to read my wonderful travelogue do please click here for the The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or here for the Kindle edition The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

It's Official My www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite Has No Equal!

I always am curious about how my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com is perceived, do people like it, is it easy to find, you know the sort of thing and so when i found a site which proposed to 'find similar sites to mine (I use that term loosely here) I was naturally interested and so like an innocent Cat I clicked the link.

Www wickedlywonderfulwebsite

Here according to the fools running the site are the sites that are similar to mine:

blakjak.demon.co.uk

craigslist.org

hotmail.com

epdrama.com

defendingthetruth.com

Now I have to ask myself what are these idiots on? I loathe gambling and presume that the first site is a card gaming one that just made me sick, then craigslist? I ask you! After craigslist Hotmail - really and I have no idea to discover what the last two sites are about which of course all goes to prove that there isn't a website in the world or on the web to compare with my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite www.thecatsdiary.com still it would have been fun to compare other sites I suppose.

But as the site proposing to offer similar sites to mine was so inaccurate I won't even both to mention them and waste my dear cuddly reader's time clicking and visiting, yes I am a cat that just goes on giving and I am definitely not only wonderful but also unique.

All of which goes to show that even though there are some absolutely wonderful websites on the web there are very few www.wickedlywonderfulwebsites www.thecatsdiary.com which has no equal for entertainment, quality, fun and of course good looking owner, although I would blush here is that is Cats could blush tee hee.

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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

What Do The Chinese Think Of Women - Check Out The Soup!

The Chinese have been described as really not very nice, they eat Dogs and Cats and recently 18 of them in Foshan city, Guandong province nonchalantly walked passed a small child who had been the victim of a hit and run, first by a van and then a car.

Just the other day two year old little Yue Yue was left writhing in agony in the middle of the road as her countrymen and women stepped around her as if she was merely street litter.

I was going to say they stepped around her as if she was Dogs poo but the stray Dogs in Foshan city are few and far between because they get rounded up for din dins, indeed there have been reports over the last two years that Guandong province diners are running out of their main dinner ingredients because they have eaten all the Dogs and Cats in the area.

So what does a nation that has so little regard for little girls think of women, well as the title says check out the soup!

A Soup Too Far

If you think that the Occupy Wall Street campaigners around the world have a point just imagine what it's like in China where there are a few very rich and billions of poor who don't even warrant the attention of passers by if they, like two year old Yue Yue, stray away from their the pavement for a couple of minutes unnoticed by their her mother.

The injustice and inequality that is so common in China is disgusting and has to end - please think about Yue Yue and the attitude of the Chinese to life the next time you want to buy something and if the item is made in China please, please think again about buying it I know I will.

And just before I get off my soap box and have a lie down don't tell me that we the consumers and voters can't do anything about China's inhumanity, it was because of us that China was turned from a mainly agricultural backwater into a manufacturing powerhouse, in 20 or so years, because we wanted so many shiny things.

Well now the people in the towns and cities where we live could do with the jobs and that means they can't afford their homes let alone the shiny things because they are out of work, so if you buy locally the brand names will get the message and they will bring the factories back to your country.

And you never know we might just be able to send a message to China, goodness knows our politicians won't they are too busy groveling to them.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Small Bottom Joke For My Americans Friends & Readers

Here is a small bottom joke for my Americans friends and readers who will be shocked, horrified and disgusted to know that in the UK the same word for 'your' fanny means the front botty of English ladies.

Small Bottom Joke For My Americans Friends

This message is brought to you by the incredibly intelligent and good looking Cat who could go on to tell you that the word botty in Czech (which is spelt with one 't') means 'shoes' - all of which proves that the human world is a very odd place no matter what language you're speaking!

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Monday, October 17, 2011

Found one Cat

A lot of people apparently have not been able to find the section of my website that has random sneak peeks of my latest book The Cat's Travelogue in "good old" some say (I don't) www.google.com so here is a link that will take you there immediately Travelogue Website.

There I am happy to announce that at least that is one missing Cat's website found!

When you click that you'll be able to read a synopsis of the book and just as you can with my other book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' you will be able to read a page of my latest feline masterpiece 'The Cat's Travelogue' and get to see what others have thought about it, mind you there aren't many reviews there at the moment because I imagine that people are only half way through my wonderful book because it is that new.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

You can order copies of my books at my www.wickedlywonderfulwebsite store of course here www.thecatsdiary.com or from the ever reliable www.amazon.com here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition for the paperback or here for the ebook edition The Cat's Travelogue ebook.

You may find that you have ordered a copy of my must have unputdownable ebook only to find that you don't, as yet, have an eReader well don't worry about that those nice people at www.amazon.com will gladly let you have one for money they probably will suggest a Kindle Fire which you can get if you click on the nice picture below

Or if you want to have a good look at other eReading machines you can simply click here Computers which will take you to www.amazon.com's computer department.

There you will find a good few eReaders, I understand that a company that grows great pie fruit does a nifty reader that can also be used as some sort of pad, though what sort of pad it is I haven't managed to fathom out yet because you can't wrap it around a leg, it's way too thin to use as a pillow and not quite big enough to curl up on and when I tried I slipped off the shiny glass screen, but for all of that I understand the iPad is a popular gadget so don't rule it out just because it isn't cuddly or unable to stop bleeding like most pads.

Then there are several copies of the iPad which are all called tablets but they are even odder than the iPad because you definitely can't take two of these with water three times as day.

I could of course go on, but to prove all of my critics wrong I won't...




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Friday, October 14, 2011

Someone Should Wash Their Lorry

I did quite a bit of travelling while I was researching my unputdownable latest masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' and sometimes the road was dark and dangerous, you know the type of road I mean one where the gravel from it falls off when your tyres come close to edge and then tumbles down a cliff face for hundreds of feet into oblivion.

But not all roads are like those ones in Britain, where there are misnamed pot holes (they really should be called ravines), no a lot of the roads I travelled on were wonderful, neat, nicely made and great to drive on, although that could be because the countries that have those roads either don't have the traffic because most of the population can't afford to drive like India or they reduce the number of drivers on the road by predijuice by not allowing women to drive as they do in the most backward of countries like Saudi Arabia.

Just interrupting myself for a moment, and my dear faithful readers know I do that a lot and to be honest probably expect it of me, I have found that women drivers are much better than their male counterparts, I was once driven from a racetrack in the middle of Kent (Brands Hatch) to London by an English lady F1 racing driver called Divina Galicia and it was wonderful, she drove the car in a way that I don't think many could, it was exciting, fun and well within most of the laws of the land.

Still this blog isn't about drivers, male or female, it's about a lorry that I saw on the roads in Britain, a country that was once really nice and is now as filthy as this lorry's bottom. As the tile says someone really should wash their lorry - before the truth comes out!

If you look as closely at this picture as I have you'll no doubt see that in order to write in the filth covering the lorry's rear whoever wrote the little jokette had to clean some of the scank off amazing!

Still they do say that individuals are to be treasured and you would have to be an individual to drive a lorry like this and get a nickname like 'Rapid Ray.'


Someone Should Wash Their Lorry

Just in case you would like to buy my latest masterpiece of feline literature or if, god forbid, you are one of the uncool few who haven't bought my previous work of genius here are some links that will whizz you off at a click to those nice humans at www.amazon.com who can send you a copy in return for either your own money or if you can arrange it someone else's, I have always found that using someone else's cash is to be preferred.

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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Arkansas' Best Kept Secret - And Let's Keep It That Way!

You know I have a friend who lives in Arkansas and I was wondering if she had ever visited this little town with such an 'interesting' name? Because I understand that this little place is one of Arkansas' best kept secrets.

Arkansas Best Kept Secret

Really I ask you what were they thinking about when they named this town? Even this innocent Cat knows what a Bald Knob is err... some kind of Native American Chief of course and it's a shame that whoever named the town after the great Bald Knob didn't know that it's embarrassing for Native Americans (I believe they were called the Chickamauga Cherokee) to have towns named after them!

You may have noticed that I have been travelling the world a lot recently wearing my paws out to bring you my latest masterpiece of feline literature 'The Cat's Travelogue' I wouldn't call it a labour of love frankly but I'm sure that there are as many things and indeed places in my wonderful new book to make you laugh out loud as many times as you did with my previous book 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.'

You can get my latest book in all of its glorious forms using this link that those nice people at Amazon.com gave me The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition or here The Cat's Travelogue ebook and just for you I have pasted a picture of the cover of my wonderful new book below so that you know what to look for. Or of course you can click your way to my www-wickedly wonderful website and buy as many copies as you like my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.


Travelogue by John Woodcock

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Friday, October 07, 2011

Being Very Moral - A Sign From Hungary

Recently I had the misfortune to go to Budapest while researching my forthcoming book The Cat's Travelogue and I found it to be a tatty place, the buildings are much the same as all other parts of the ex Austro-Hungrarian Empire the plaster covering them is dropping at an alarming rate into the streets.

Worst of all the people are not only tatty (they can't help that can they?) they are the most miserable bunch of scuffers I have every had the misfortune to be scuffed at.

You can read more about Budapest in my new book 'The Cat's Travelogue' because unlike China, India, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia and a whole host of other depressing and repressing countries Hungary couldn't afford the 'sponsorship' required to keep their entry out of my very revealing travelogue - tee hee.

So with that in mind the sign on a Budapestian Restaurant car park was more than a little confusing as you can see!




A very Moral Sign From Hungary


Don't forget to get a copy of my latest unputdownable book and chase those financial blues away as you lose yourself in my world.


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Thursday, October 06, 2011

Here Is Some Great News!

My dear cuddly readers will be pleased to hear that to celebrate the launch of the latest Amazon reader ethingy the Kindle Fire those ever so nice people at Amazon have released the 'Kindle' and other ebook versions of my latest and most wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' early which is nice. I just have to say that you will be pleased to hear that 'The Cat's Travelogue' is coincidentally the best book I have written since my last one.

Not just to be content with getting a big head start on selling my ebook the paperback department of Amazon demanded equal rights to the ebook department and guess what you can buy either or indeed both formats on Amazon now, they have just told me I checked and it's true - isn't that wonderful.



Travelogue by John Woodcock

So that means that if you want a copy of my latest book you can order it now and have it instantly, if you want the eVersion or, in a couple of days max if you want the paper one. And the good news is that you will beat those who have ordered it at book stores by at least a couple of weeks.

So for all of my wonderfully faithful, patient and cuddly readers here are the important web addresses to click on, and don't forget you will make me very happy if you buy one book, delightfully happy if you buy two and delirious happy if you buy more than five.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway and I have a feeling I have said this before, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the store on my www - wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com.

To make life easy for you I have added the links you are going to need to get my book from good old (some say) Amazon.com do go for The Cat's Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

If you need a Kindle to read my truly wonderful latest book on then get a Kindle Fire here they are really rather good as well as being competitively priced I hear.

If you want a good old iPad2 then I have another place for you to click - Computers aren't you lucky? This link will take you straight to Amazon.coms Computers store for great prices, fast delivery and the same service you get when ordering my book. You never know they might even arrive in the same parcel that would be neat wouldn't it?

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Wednesday, October 05, 2011

A Little Light Relief From My Book Launch

As the title says I thought I would offer a little light relief from my book launch, and I have some time before I have a chat with a nice lady from a media outlet in Seattle so here is a picture I saw the other day and thought to myself "which one are they visiting?"


Which one are they visiting

You humans really are 'adorable' and when I use that would I really me simple.

The book launch is going well, as I said above it's busy but they don't happen often and neither do colds what a shame that both came around at the same time for me this year!

Have you ordered your copy of my latest peerless masterpiece of feline? No! Well do because I don't want to ask myself in a few weeks time "was it worth sneezing over so many members of the public at book signings and annoying sound engineers in TV studios?"

If you haven't ordered your copy of my latest book The Cat's Travelogue there is no better place than Amazon and you can do that using my handy link below although I have to say that my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com is as good but you can't buy a toaster and my book there.


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Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Web Design Kittens

To my surprise and delight my web design Kittens have become rather popular among my dear cuddly readers and quite a few have added extra fan mail to the usual (and welcome fan mail) they send me by sending fan mail to my cute web design Kittens.

Quite a few of the fan letters asked for a picture of my web design Kittens and so so here it is.

Web Design Kittens

In answer to the person who wrote from Des Moines, the one from Bangalore and indeed the one from Didsbury, England the answer is a firm no.

Regarding the request from the man in Fife Scotland, you should be ashamed of yourself! How could my web design Kittens write a book? I ask you! That's what I do! If you want a masterpiece of feline literature then read either Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary or The Cat's Travelogue which you can get from either my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or from Amazon.com.

To make it easier for you just click these pictures and you will be whisked straight to my wonderful book of your choice on Amazon - there who says I don't look after my cuddly readers.

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Monday, October 03, 2011

Web Site Redesign

To accommodate my latest masterpiece 'The Cat's Travelogue' my web design Kittens have been working around the clock to redesign, improve and extend my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com.

So now when you arrive at my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com you have the choice of viewing my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com in either the original Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary mode or click the page turn icon at the top on the right hand side and enter... wait for it... The Cat's Travelogue mode of my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com isn't that neat? Aren't my web design Kittens just the coolest web designers around? The answer there is yes by the way.

My clever web design Kittens have included the usual high quality features you expect from a truly www - wickedly wonderful website although of course we all know that there is only one www - wickedly wonderful website and that one is mine www.thecatsdiary.com and that is because it was me that invented the concept of www - wickedly wonderful website what a clever Cat I am! But then you know that don't you my dear cuddle readers and my new friends.

So do go and visit my www - wickedly wonderful website and take a peek at the changes and if you like them do let me know through the usual channels or blind drop boxes.



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The Cat's Travelogue

I thought that my dear cuddly readers might like a sneak peek at my latest blockbuster of a masterpiece - The Cat's Travelogue which was published on Friday and is apparently selling like cakes straight from the oven already on Amazon.com, paper version here The Cat's Travelogue Paperback Edition, so here is a short synopsis just for you.

Travelogue by John Woodcock

They say that terrible things happen to Cats in far off lands, they eat them in some uncivilised countries and I can now tell you that everything you hear is true, from what I have seen, the world is a bit of a mess and a nasty one at that and I know that's true because I have recently seen a lot of it from some very unusual places.

Of course like most of the international incidents and indeed domestic emergencies I have caused in my travels I was oblivious to the dire situations I found myself in, but then I am only a Cat and what do I know?

This Travelogue is not a complete list of the places I visited because some have already paid me to “keep my big f'ing mouth shut” as most of their public relations bods put it, or they will have implemented banning orders preventing me from mentioning what awful dumps they really were!

In fact this book could be the first one in history that actually gets smaller over time and that's because other countries I've visited may come up with what could only be described as a “very tempting” offer to have their chapters removed!

There what do you think of it so far? Racy, exciting, controversial, funny, brilliant, another masterpiece, written by a genius I bet you think all of those things and so much more judging by the reports of sales so far.

If you want to start reading my wonderful book immediately and it is a great read you can of course do that in ebook form from either Amazon.com The Cat's Travelogue ebook or my own www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com which has been specially redesigned by my team of Web Design Kittens to incorporate my latest book The Cat's Travelogue.


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Saturday, October 01, 2011

What a Silly Feline!

Ok no prizes for guessing which Cat in his excitement to tell the world about Amazon.com launching his book early to coincide with the launch of their Kindle Fire managed to use the 'old' link to his other masterpiece 'Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' - yes me of course.

Here is the right link.The Cat's Travelogue on Amazon.com

There thank goodness I put that right. I am so sorry to send you all to the wrong place, but I have to say now you know how I felt when I was writing my Travelogue, everywhere I went was the 'wrong' place.

Here is a treat for you though, the cover of my latest book.


Travelogue by John Woodcock

And if you haven't see the Kindle Fire in all of its blazing glory here is a link for that by way of an apology - again.





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A Sneak Peek Of The Cover Of My Latest Book

Yes that's right dear cuddly readers here's a sneak peek of the cover of my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue.'

Now while I am very happy with the cover in general I am not too happy with one element, can anyone guess what it is? If you can there is a free ebook in it for you, if you can't then after failing to change the cover at a last minute summit meeting with the publishers I added my comments about the bit of the cover I dislike to the new book so the week before last so you will be able to read the book and tell me what it is that I dislike.

The closing date for the competition has to be Sunday (tomorrow) sadly because my wonderful book 'The Cat's Travelogue' will be available on Amazon.com by then and in bookstores soon afterwards but a little bird told me that you can buy the ebook version of my unputdownable book 'The Cat's Travelogue' right now, in fact I think I am sitting on the link here. All of which means that if you buy an ebook now you stand a great chance of winning my amazing competition and still can buy a paper version at a later date.


Travelogue by John Woodcock

If you can't live without my new book 'The Cat's Travelogue' and I can't blame you for that and want the ebook early then use this link, if you just want to cheat on the competition above then I understand just go for Kindle Edition of The Cat's Travelogue on Amazon.com or Amazon UK.

There I am such a nice Cat not only letting you cheat in my competition but most importantly enabling you to have instant access to my wonderful ebook 'The Cat's Travelogue' in advance of everybody, yes that is the sort of Cat I am and just how much I love my cuddly readers and Cat fans.

Of course it might go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway, you can instantly get a copy of my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' from my www-wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or at the my store on my www - wickedly wonderful website.

There! Does this clever Cat think of everything or what? All you have to do today is to click on a few links, use your or someone else's credit card and you are away and one of the very first to buy what people have described as the "travelogue to end all travelogues."


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