Friday, September 30, 2011

A New York Rangers Hockey Match - What Fun!

Last night I went to see the New York Rangers Ice Hockey team take one of the Czech republic's best team apart on ice. I was going to say take them apart bit by bit, but the taking apart was a lot more aggressive and I have to say a lot more fun.

Now I feel I have a little understanding of what it must have been like to have been a spectator in the great Roman Games watching a team of crack Gladiators toy and then rip apart a bunch of dispirited christians, some Lions, and a whole heap of barbarians in one long action packed and very sweaty match.

I have to say I was surprised - I always thought that I was a clever cultured Cat but last night I was screaming for more, more goals, more punch-ups and more bone crunching action and I wasn't disappointed I got more than I ever expected, wrapped up in my New York Rangers scarf, waving my New York Rangers inflatable hand and snuggly clad in my New York Rangers jersey.

Then it dawned on me, I was one small Cat shouting for the winning side, the was err... the New York Rangers if you haven't guessed, surrounded by thousands of fans from the other team, surrounded by some pretty disappointed and disgruntled Czechs whose side was getting well and truly thrashed, outplayed and I have to say an Ice Hockey lesson.

The shouts from the Czechs around me had it seemed to me grown ever more threatening at first I thought that they were not particularly happy with their team HC Sparta but it slowly dawned on me that the shouts were directed um how can I put this - my way.

Unbelievably I think I had become the most unpopular member of either the audience or the opposing teams and that included a star player from the New York Rangers who had put a couple of pucks passed the butterfingered HC Sparta goal keep.

There was only one thing to do and that was to stop waving my New York Rangers inflatable hand then slowly and calmly slip out of my snug New York Rangers scarf and New York Rangers jersey and slip away.

Happily on my way out sneaking snakelike through the footwear of thousands of disappointed Czech fans HC Sparta very nearly scored a goal, by taking off their goal keeper and using an extra man in a desperate last attack, and that rare event managed to distract the angry mob who seemed to want to take out their frustration on a lonely Feline NY Rangers supporter.

Next week I think I want to go to a Football match if a really good foreign club is playing and annoy some more fans - well I do have nine lives don't I?

The Cat World is such fun isn't it? I have to say I haven't had that much fun since going to the Ballet here in Prague which seemed more like a Miss Universe contest frankly, well the Czech Pavelinas (as I call them) are built like top heavy outhouses and where most ballerinas glide across the stage they move with a shudder and shake of the boards that would frighten any tourist who lives in a city prone to the occasional earthquake.


NY Rangers V HC Sparta Praha

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Horse Crap - A Delicacy In Ho Chi Minh City

The really great news is that my long awaited soontobemillionselling book 'The Cat's Travelogue' is going to be available very soon any and everywhere and that means you can buy a book either in paper or ebook form in the very near future.

Speaking of my long awaited soontobemillionselling book 'The Cat's Travelogue,' a wonder of a little book written by a Cat, one of the places I visited was Vietnam though because of signs such as the one below and other divine bureaucratic blunders the chapter on Vietnam was 'sponsored' by the Socialist Republic of Vietnam and then removed by me from the printed edition. Did you know that the Socialist Republic of Vietnam's motto is "Independence – Freedom – Happiness" - if you ever did!

It's my fervent hope that you enjoy my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' more than the menu item below and that you tell all of your friends to buy at least one copy and make this clever Cat very happy.

One thought that went through my furry head when I was sitting outside the restaurant in the heat and pollution of Ho Chi Minh City reading the menu below was this "what was the 'Lime'" if you see what I mean, "do the Vietnamese serve a Citrus fruit with their Fried Horse Crap or is the 'Lime' on the menu the white powdery stuff that they add to cement, gardens and the graves of adulterers in days gone by?" Sadly to this day I don't know because I didn't order this menu item - what do you think I am stupid?

Don't forget that like 'Getting Out Excerpts from A Cat's Diary' 'The Cat's Travelogue' will make a wonderful Christmas present.


Horse Crap  A Delicacy In Ho Chi Minh City

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Personal Hairdressing In France

There are very few words to either explain or describe this photograph from a Paris suburb and frankly even this genius of a Cat who writes books and who writes blogs doesn't have any of them! But all the same I thought you my dear cuddly readers would giggle at the ridiculousness of our french cousins.


Personal Hairdressing In France

I believe that 'french cousins' are the cousins in a family that no one talks about you know the 'special' ones for whom everything is a challenge.

Big news, my wonderful masterpiece of second book (electronic and paper) 'The Cat's Travelogue' will be in book stores, on Amazon.com waiting for you to buy it in your thousands this coming week I believe. I will let you have more information as soon as I can but stand by with your pocketbooks open.

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Advertising Russian Style

Although Russia and in particular Moscow is a tamer, more civilized place when compared to twenty years ago it's a wild and dangerous place compared to America or England which have their moments of course.

But in either America or England you won't find any personal physical threats in advertising, especially food advertising. The dreadful 'love story' coffee commercials on both side of the Atlantic come to mind here.

No one in New York or London is going to grab you by the collar and tell you to explore the taste of America or England - that as you can see from the shop window advert below is not the case in Moscow.




Explore The Taste Of Russia  Or Else She ll Get You

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Friday, September 23, 2011

2 Day Rescue Operation To Save A Kitten - With Video

VIDEO_DESCRIPTION


Click on the picture above or the link here to be whisked into the centre of the drama. Kitten Rescue

My latest amazing video on my wickedly wonderful website shows the dramatic rescue undertake by a team of five rescue workers and hundreds of concerned humans worked continuously for two days to rescue a frightened 7 week old Kitten who had become trapped under the floor of a supermarket in Gothenburg.

After being rescued the Kitten wasn't able to comment on how or why it chose to hide under the floor of a supermarket, but then you have to remember that:

a) Cats like to explore.
b) Cats don't have to confide in humans.
3) Not all Cats are geniuses.

You can read more about the dramatic rescue and see the amazing video - which is not in real time and so only lasts a few minutes and not 2 days (thank goodness) here Kitten Rescue. It's a lot like the movie 127 hours starring James Franco but happily in this rescue no one lost a Paw.



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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Damn Seagulls

The Summer is coming to an end, but here we in Europe and I understand the UK are having what is known in some circles as an 'Indian Summer' I don't know why it is called that or indeed if a hot dry spell in the Autumn is called an 'Indian Summer' in India for that matter.

I expect the Indians have a different name for a brief sunny period at the end of their Summer mainly because I have a feeling that the English overlords in the time of the Raj would have used the phrase and these days it would seem that anything English in India is a little frowned upon - apart from the use of the English language of course, the Indians, bless them, think that they speak marvellous English - oh dear if only they knew the truth!

I'll give you a real life example when Andy from Bedford comes on the phone in the early evening when you are tying to stop the Dog eating the children's supper and encouraging the youngest to actually do what the Dog wants to do, while answering the door to another batch of Jehovah's Witnesses and keeping the Cat off the kitchen work surfaces, Andy from 'Bedford' calls from his New Delhi call centre pretending to be only 40 miles up the road.

Now this pretence is not only doomed to failure because of his pronunciation of the English language it is made worse by the sound quality of the 'Skype' like phone system he is calling on and of course the mayhem going on all around the family home, and made even worse by the fact that Andy from Bedford wants to "confirm that you are Miecester. Woodcock," even though you have a woman's voice (because you are Mr. Woodcock's far better half and he is late again with his supper heading towards the Dog's bowl with ever passing quarter of an hour).

Andy from Bedford ignores any attempt to shut him up including sarcasm and eventually swearing and keeps asking you "to confirm your phone number," which you would never in a million years give out to some odd sounding heavily accented stranger on the phone.

Reading from his script Andy from Bedford blithely continues "I just want to take a coupole minutes of your very valuable time to discuss."

You eventually tell Andy from Bedford to FO, slam the phone down and then get ready for his retribution, twenty calls spread over the next hour.

Opps I seem to have veered right off the point of this little blog which is this; Summer is coming to an end but it is still nice and warm, in England we call that an Indian Summer but I expect the Indians don't because they wouldn't like to be reminded of the English except to sell them broadband, financial planning or insurance on the phone.

Now that I am back on track I can finish by saying I thought the sign below reminded me of a trip to Clearwater Beach in Florida where the Seagulls are so aggressive that they not only steal your food they shower it back at you when they have digested it. Sorry about the wait for the punchline.



Damn Seagulls

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What Are The Penguins Up To?

You know that I have always thought that Penguins were not to be trusted and now I think I have found photographic proof from South Africa that proves my case!



What Are The Penguins Up To

Just ask yourself this; what are Penguins doing under vehicles? I bet they're not practicing their skills as mechanics! And I don't think that Penguins are under vehicles just because they are short enough to wander under them without bending. No there's something happening in the Penguin world and I mean to get to the bottom of it, because as far as I am concerned the only animals that are allowed under vehicles are Cats if they are not moving and Hedgehogs if they are - poor things!

Lastly what are Penguins doing in South Africa? I thought that they liked colder climates - so they are now lurking under vehicles and being seen in warm countries, yes it is all beginning to add up isn't it...






On another matter - well to be honest it's the main reason for having a blog actually but of course us bloggers wouldn't like our unsuspecting readers to know that we are only entertaining them so we can flog something - I need to remind all of you that it's time to start thinking about buying my soon to be published second book 'The Cat's Travelogue.'

Now I know you are going to say that you didn't expect a Cat to write one book and so two is something of a miracle but consider the miracle performed!

Yes that's rights the world has seen a real miracle and my second book will be in the shops both real and webbed (as a real paper book or an ebook) very very soon, yes my masterpiece will be in the shops and on not only www.Amazon.com but also my www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com in time for Christmas which is just perfect.

I'm sure that I don't have to do anything other than subliminally mention that my latest book makes just as good a Christmas present as my former one and how nice they will both look in the same gift wrapping do I?

Xmas Holly

Dear cuddly readers and potential book purchasers everywhere I do hope you enjoy what I hope is the first Christmas image you will see this year! May all of your Christmas shopping be without incident.



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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Curried Child Anyone?

Ok the publication of my next blockbusting unputdownable book is getting closer as I mentioned yesterday sorry about that but one has to advertise - as President Clinton said if you don't blow your own trumpet who will an intern? But I digress, here is a picture of a another culinary winner from China which judging by the writing is also a great hit in Japan and Korea "Curry of Mini Child."

The world is as we know a strange place but it would seem the further east one goes the stranger it gets, you know like going to Brooklyn!

As you can see travelling the world and writing a Travelogue and eating all sorts of weird food was desperately hard, tiring and expensive work even for a good looking Cat and so if you don't buy my wonderful Travelogue when it comes out I will be deeply distressed and feel very unloved - not to put too much pressure on you dear cuddly readers!



Curried Child

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Monday, September 19, 2011

It's A Very Exciting Day Today!

It's really a very exciting day today. I am with my designers in New York going over the final selection of cover designs for my soon to be published second book 'The Cat's Travelogue.'

You know I was pleasantly surprised, the cover designs are all really nice, except one that is which uses the most unflattering photograph of me, I do hope that we don't use that design!

Unfortunately I have discovered that I have a little problem and that problem is that book publishing is (according to my publisher) a collaborative endeavour so we will be using the cover that is chosen by the majority. Mmh what do you think about that dear cuddly reader, you know what they say about things chosen by committees don't you!

I have to say it came as something of a shock to discover that publishing my book was a "collaborative endeavour" because I would like to know where the designers, my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me "Todd" and my publisher were when I was knee deep in some of the less attractive countries around the world and just how close they were from swooping in and rescuing me when a mob of Pakistani religious fools were after my 'Bacon' just because they thought I was Danish? Not close at all is the answer.

Still I'll forgive them their stupidity if we "sell as many of these ponies as we did the last Buckaroo!" To quote my Agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me "Todd." We apparently will be in "millionsville" once again. What can I say? I am so pleased and of course confused.

I am afraid when I listen to my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me "Todd," publisher and the designers all talking excitedly at once I feel a little handicapped, not by the fact that they are speaking American, a language which is very close to English the language I first learned when I started to write my first 'unputdownable' book, the trouble is that when I hear them all talking at once, firing buzz words into the conversation as if they were machine gun bullets at a we hate Saddam/Americans rally in Iraq I just can't keep up, and worse every so often they clap a hi five above my head and shout "YAY" when they agree on something all of which is beyond me.

I just hope that the last hi five and round of "YAYS" wasn't something to do with the committee choosing the design for the book! I feel I should ask but they are just too busy congratulating themselves currently. Maybe there will be time later, although after lunch I am being whisked out to the airport and sent home, yes my agent Mr. Todd A Leibowitz call me "Todd" is paying for my stay which is probably why it's so short.

Anyway as soon as I can I will post the 'winning' design on my blog and hope that all my fans let me know what they think of it. I think it's really a good idea to let my lovely fans see the cover of my new book in advance of publication because then they will know what to grab off the book store's shelves.

Of course 'The Cat's Travelogue' will not only be available in your local bookstore it will also be available on Amazon.com as an ebook or a proper book and all of the other places you can possibly think of to get ebooks and the old style paper books.

The timing of publication is designed cleverly to catch the Christmas rush if the banks don't bankrupt us all first! So please make sure that you buy at least two copies and one for your good self dear cuddly reader because they make excellent presents for everyone!


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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Chef's Dick Confit - French Cooking At Its Best!

Now here's a new way to eat the good old English Chip or as Americans know it the French Fry just go to France and order 'Chef's Dick Confit' and don't be too surprised if (hopefully) you get chips.

Obviously the french who hate the idea of using 'foreign' words in their language decided that they couldn't call a fried potato a 'chip' because the English use that and then they thought the damn Americans use french fry so they couldn't call their chips "Frit Française" could they? And that meant that they had to come up with some 'radical' language and frankly you can't get more radical than having a Chef's Dick on your plate can you?



Chef s Dick Confit  French Cooking At Its Best


About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A New Human Pastime?

Recently I saw this sign in Texas and was appalled.



A New Human Pastime


So I'm guessing that this new human pastime is going to overtake Paintball as the latest craze to get rid of pent up aggression. It seems a shame to me that no one thinks about the kid first though, I can't imagine kids want to be dented in any way! Not only that judging by the portrait it looks as though everyone wants to pick on the fat kid as usual!

"Shame on you humans," is all I can think of saying because for once I am ever so close to speechless. Happily I'm not completely speechless but when you think about it for me criticising humans is rather counter productive when one is trying to sell them one's book, which you can get here Amazon.com and of course here on my www - Wickedly Wonderful Website www.thecatsdiary.com isn't it?

So with the above in mind I think I will do what a lot of people have asked me to do over the years and shut the 'f' up. Personally I am still trying to work out what the 'f' in the last sentence stands for? To be honest it has always puzzled me. If any nice blog reader would be kind enough to tell me what the 'f' means in 'shut the 'f' up' I would be delighted to hear from them.

Maybe it's a term of speech which I could use more often in my writing and indeed everyday life.



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Monday, September 12, 2011

Pardon?

The thought processes of people who not only create signs but also leave them lying around to confuse others is unfathomable.

It seems a shame to this intelligent and fabulously good looking Cat that so much time and effort is devoted to telling innocent law-abiding motorists what to do and what not to do.

Of course there are so many signs telling motorists what to do and what not to do that they seem to cancel each other out um... as this picture shows.


Pardon

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Friday, September 09, 2011

Shopping Advice In Vietnam

What can I say? This Cat is a nice polite Cat and frankly doesn't really understand what the shop owner of this Hanoi store is suggesting.

Being an innocent is such a nice state of mind. Still if you want to try cock today then now you know where to go I am sure that in this store the idea of 'personal shopper' is concentrated on the very personal.



Shopping Advice In Vietnam

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Thursday, September 08, 2011

The Chinese Don't Know How To Make Electrical Goods & Their Soup Isn't Any Better!

Oh look a story about China that slipped under the censor's nose and beady eyes.

As my most dedicated readers and fans know China has agreed to 'sponsor' my latest book 'The Cat's Travelogue' and in accepting their 'sponsorship' I have agreed to allow them to review all of my blog posts and delete the chapters dedicated to my travels in China from my wonderful book because it would have exposed too many home truths about the country where not only Dog and Cat are lunch menu items but also explain why anything made in China either is broken when it comes out of the box of doesn't last more than a few weeks.

It's sad to say but true all the same the Chinese unfortunately have no idea how to make electrical goods that last longer than a few days and as this picture of a menu in a Shanghai restaurant proves their Soup isn't any better!


The Chinese Don t Know How To Make Electrical Goods But Mmh Their Soup


The Cat thinks its a terrible shame that the Chinese gave up knitting with Bamboo and started playing with semi-conductors and soldering irons!


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Monday, September 05, 2011

India's Idea of Paradise

In a country where there are more people than flies, that can almost be smelt as you come into land you would expect one or two places to be little tiny picturesque oases of calm, cleanliness and beauty places that are for want of a better word - paradise.

Ladies and Gentlemen and of course dear cuddly readers I give you India's idea of paradise - as the Indian sign says.

Actually I did discover what a dreadful place India was when researching my next blockbusting book 'The Cat's Travelogue' happily the Indian Government has 'sponsored' the chapter and that is code for the fact that like the Chinese they are paying me a substantial sum to exclude the chapter from my book, happily they didn't say anything about my blog and that means I can continue to bring you the pictures and stories that you won't find in the guide books or the government tourism websites.

What a dreadful place India really is to consider a place ringed in razor wire and guarded by Kalashnikov toting guards paradise. If you look closely you will also see that the place has its own distinct aroma and for India a country that is 'known' for aromas that is saying something.



India s Idea of Paradise

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Thursday, September 01, 2011

Illegal In Most States

The say that religion makes you a better, more moral person, but this sign surely tells a different story. Surely this sort of activity is illegal in most states?


Illegal In Most States

I am happy to say here that Cats like all other animals are not at all religious and are usually not at all welcome in places of worship no matter what god or idol they have been erected for and that is a great source of comfort and relief.




About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."