Thursday, June 30, 2011

Look What Happens To Careful Drivers When They Read Drive Carefully Signs

Sorry about the length of the headline - 'Look what happens to careful drivers when they read drive carefully signs,' but I have to I put the length of the headline down to shock - I was shocked that any one would be so stupid as to put a sign in such a dangerous place that had been created by so cruel people who obviously wanted to cause accidents.

Really the world has gone made when not only do you see signs for this and that all over the road telling to to do this, then that and not to do almost everything.

After erecting loads of idiot signs the sign clowns here decided to turn what was a two lane road into one - no wonder there are loads of accidents in the UK and that insurance premiums have risen 40% in a year, well the other reason is corporate greed of course but then that is a given isn't it?


Look what happens to careful drivers when they read signs

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Do You Know What Are You Eating?

Don't you wonder what the something is? I know I do! If you look closely at the 'delicious' picture from this restaurant you can see a lot of things that might be added to the beef in addition to the Chilli Sauce.


Do You Know What Are You Eating

So far I can see tiny pulse like things that I think are maggots. Something green which is obviously the famous 'green thing' that is in all Chinese meals in China but banned from Chinese takeaways in the West. Is that the edge of an Octopus's arm towards the bottom in the middle I think so don't you?

Definitely there is a bit of vomit on the left of the picture and I have a feeling that the whole thing turned and started looking at me with the look of a bully in a fairground who asks "what are you looking at?' To which the answer always sadly seems to be a beating at best or death at worst.

One thing I do know is that I love Chinese food, but not enough to eat Sliced Beef and Something in Chilli Sauce that's for sure!






About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Friday, June 24, 2011

Honest Food

There is something nice about good honest food - usually it's wholesome, but as with everything there are exceptions.


Honest Food


Can you imagine going into a shop and asking for a Tub of Crap? No I can't and I am definitely not going to even think about what it tastes like, are you?


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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Toilets In Turkey

In Turkey they know that the average human holidaymaker is um err, how can I put this? Oh yes, an idiot and so the instructions for using a toilet are posted for all to read in German, English.

Of course these instructions make a lot of sense, you should eat and then use the toilet but I am sure you will agree if you read just a few lines under the important announcement (section 2 especially) you will see that the person who wrote this sign was in fact a complete idiot!

I don't think I recommend reading the instructions about the toilet paper though - ugh Turks are just plain disgusting, happily though now we know what the worst job in the world. It's emptying the basket of used toilet paper at breakfast time!

It's odd isn't it when you see the ads on TV for holiday destinations like Turkey and the other places in the world where the word hygiene is probably use as a greeting rather than a word that refers to the set of practices perceived by a community to be associated with the preservation of health and healthy living, that the colourful ads showing the heart and soul of the country don't dwell on the important things like oh say for instance that if you go to Turkey you are likely to contract some exotic disease from the unemptied basket in your toilet.

Sorry this Cat can't write anymore I feel sick!


Toilet Turkey

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Sorry About The Incontinence?

How do they know that the reader suffers from incontinence that is what I want to know? Sorry About The Incontinence

About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




The Cat & Kindle

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

An Unusual Shop In Paris

Dead Rats Old
I thought I would share a couple of photographs which I took when I was in Paris the other day.

Etablissements Julien Aurouze, Paris is an odd little shop as you can see from the display in the window they sell Rat traps and all sorts of other things that snap and dispatch the furry kind such as gulp yours truly.

As you can see from their window display of far too many dead Rats the stuff they sell does seem to work all too well.

Mind you for those of you who are like me and have a delicate constitution to match their stomach I can tell you happily that the rats in the window are preserved Rats and have been on display since 1925.

It's a bit worrying that they look so fresh until you realise that Madam Tussaud was born in the neighbourhood and look what she has done to major and minor celebrities.

Some say that the shop was featured in the Disney movie Ratatoullie maybe one of my clever readers could say whether that is true or not because of course I don't watch movies about Rats or Dogs for that matter so I don't know if that is the truth.



Dead Rats Colour

About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, June 13, 2011

No Barking! Finally A Sign I Like.

It isn't often, especially in the middle of a Middle East Spring when you can pat the Saudi Arabian authorities on the back and say "job well done."

But you have to give credit where credit is due and as this sign shows the Saudi Arabian government has decided to outlaw 'barking.' In this Cat's humble opinion (yes the humble bit was a joke) the outlawing of barking hasn't come too soon. Barking is a dreadful noisy habit and should be outlawed - maybe next the Saudi's will go further and outlaw Dogs as well after all they have some pretty daft laws don't they?


No Barking Saudi Arabia

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Friday, June 10, 2011

Cold Meat With A Kick?

Now here is a selection of cold meat that Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would appreciate. But would a whining Scottish engineer spoil his enjoyment of his cold meat selection and tell him "it's no good Captain I can'nay hold me cold meat platter, it's the wrong antimatter selection." I bet he would.


Anti or Panty

They say that some of the finest engineers who have ever lived and got grease all over their hands have come from Scotland and that is marvellous. What a shame that the Scots have such a whiny voice and unfortunate accent as demonstrated hundreds of times in Star Trek and other movies where engines were about to blow and their engineers were unreformed Kilt wearers!


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Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Lorry Load Of Lies

I have often wondered where lies come from, who invented them and so on and so forth. I even watched the dreadful film by that awful idiot Ricky Gervais but sadly failed to find out where lies came from or in that case be entertained at all but that is beside the point of course.

So where do lies come from? Well I think I have the answer. I got my driver to follow the truck in the picture and guess what lies come from Luxembourg. I would have thought France or Germany both countries and their people have been known to tell some enormous porkies in the past but I didn't think that little Luxembourg could be capable of inventing lying did you?


Lorry Load of Lies







About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




The Cat & Kindle

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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Need A Laugh - Try Chinese Happy Grass!

If you're ever stuck for a smile or need a laugh do go to China I promise it will cheer you up. I should know I went to China as p-art of my 'research' for my soon to be released next book 'The Cat's Travelogue - The Cat Against The World.'

China is not really a very nice place and it's very polluted so I urge you don't plan to stay long, but a short stay in any of the main cities that serve the West with the hard labour of their sweatshop style factories producing Computers, TV, cell phones and all of the rest of the crap that we think we can't do without or any of the other cities that have dedicated themselves to parting Westerner's hard currency. These cities are of course called known in China "tourist destinations for foreigners" show you what I mean.

China may be a dreadful place where the words 'Cat' and 'Dog' are menu items but you have to hand it to the hairy little sods their signage is second to know when you need to smile.

As the picture below proves the Chinese are really very odd and have a view on life that is alien to us Westerners what is happy grass! I ask you!


Tender Grass


Ladies and Gentlemen I give you, along with that other 'developed' country India, the world leaders of the future!

There I knew you wouldn't be sad for long and you haven't even boarded your plane to China yet!



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Friday, June 03, 2011

Le Fart

Here is a clue to another of the places which I visited when doing my research for my soon to be latest blockbusting book The Travelogue which will be available in all good book stores, www.amazon.com and of course my www - wickedly wonderful website very soon.

For years we have known that the French are a little err... anal and frankly their films and indeed their culture are really a long way up their own um how do I put this..? I am sure you get the picture without me being too graphic here, but at long last here is the long awaited proof that the French are what we have always believed.

"Le Fart Location de Films et de jeux" as the sign says doesn't only concentrate on French Movie Rental you can rent explosive French Games as well aren't you lucky?


Fart

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Thursday, June 02, 2011

Here's A Place To Worship Dick!

Now this might to some of you seem to be a very rude sign, but as there are Muslims, Christians and Jews who worship a god there are some who worship other things that are equally as 'holy' and 'sacred' to them.

Of course I am thinking of sun worshippers, Druids, Mr and Mrs. Ugg the odd shaggy people who thought that Stonehenge was a religious site and so on.

Here is a picture of a park (below) that is used by other alternative worshippers to celebrate their beliefs and achieve rapture or bliss or whatever holy people expect to get when they worship.

I wonder what dick worshippers do and how the 'bliss' or 'rapture' comes upon them?

Now I am wondering why that last paragraph sounds so rude at the end, it wasn't meant to be like that and this Cat hopes that he hasn't offended any religious people and their practices with it.


Oh Good Old Dick

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Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Just Look At Today's Craftsmanship From China

Following on from my earlier blog today when I said that the craftsmanship of the Chinese leaves a lot to question here is yet another example of the dangers of using anything with the 'Made in China' label on it, and a number of people commented that I was being a little hard on the Chinese.

Well here is my answer they can't even make a bridge properly and if they can't do something as basic as that do you trust them to make something that has large amounts of very dangerous electricity running through it in front of you if you use Chinese made computers, TV's and all the rest of the tat that they churn out without regard to something called good old fashion quality of manufacture.


Track in a Hole

Part of the structure of a bridge collapsed into a river yesterday in Changchun, Jilin province, China two people were injured and also the Chinese national pride too at least if their national pride was a little dented they would recognise that they have to try harder when the manufacture things or build them.


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Sauce Of The Sweet & Sour Goose

Kung Fu Panda 2 007

As a lot of us know Hollywood's latest animated blockbuster from Dreamworks, the Chinese themed Kung Fu Panda II, opened in the US and China at the weekend and it by all accounts did rather well, which is nice.

The first instalment (imaginatively entitled Kung Fu Panda II - but with one less 'I') broke box office records in China three years ago but was criticised in some quarters as western exploitation of Chinese culture.

Do you agree with with this Cat and think that the Chinese have at least two faces and are being rather silly about saying that Kung Fu Panda I or indeed Kung Fu Panda II are "western exploitation of Chinese culture!" After all what would you call making all of the goods that the West use everyday like iPads, iPhones, Computers that even aren't Apple ones, TV's and of course so much more if it isn't Chinese exploitation of Western culture.

To say nothing of the fact that almost everything made in China is badly made, falls apart as soon as the product is removed from the safety of its protective packaging, and of course that most of the counterfeit DVD's and other pirate products are made in China and sold in the West.

All of which I am sure means that the Chinese have a sauce pointing a finger at the West for exploitation and should be the last to lecture the West about exploitation especially when they now have jobs that used to be Western jobs and the families who relied on them are flat broke. Surely the Chinese take the biscuit for exploitation - right out of hungry Western mouths in fact.

Changing the subject for a moment I would just like to thank a record number of people for buying my latest book and masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' during June, it is obviously perfect reading for the Summer and I hope that you enjoy it while you are tanning on a beach somewhere very warm.

One thing I would say on the subject of buying books - well I promised my translator I would - is that copies of his ebooks are available on Amazon.com and all other great retailers so when you go to Amazon.com to buy my book or to my www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com do have a look at John Woodcock's books 'Trams of Prague' and 'AstroMouse,' they are really rather good (he made me put that bit in but after reading them I agree).

The other thing I would say is that avid readers of my books are in for a real treat very soon my next book 'The Travelogue - A Cat Against The World' is soon to be available in the same great bookshops and websites as 'Getting Out' isn't that wonderful?

About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




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