Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Having Trouble With Your Workers? There Is A Soultion!

We all know that in Japan they take work very seriously. So seriously that if you cause trouble for your employer then you could pay the ultimate penalty!





Hang your Employee


YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!








About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




The Cat & Kindle

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Monday, May 30, 2011

Six - 3

The funny thing about humans and the signs that they create is that they very often make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I would like to know exactly what was in the mind of the fool who named this village, the people who decided to put the sign where they put it and so much more, but I'm afraid that if I learned that I would just end up being as daft as the rest of you humans.


Six 3

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

One To Watch

My dear lovely cuddly readers I am afraid that I have to insist that you watch the 'Ultimate Dog Tease video which I have just put up on my www - wickedly wonderful website.

To make it really very easy for you I have added a link that will whisk you to the correct page here Ultimate Dog Tease.

This video is not only one of the funniest videos I have seen it makes even the hardest hearted Cat feel sorry for at least one dog in the world.


Dog Tease


Who'd have thought that one day I would say "poor Doggie?"




About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




The Cat & Kindle


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Holiday Snaps?

As you may or may not know my second book is a Travelogue, and I have to say if you haven't heard that I'm writing a Travelogue then my PR people are for the chop - but I digress - sorry.

Back to the point of this little blogette for a moment, as you may or may not know my second book is a Travelogue and it's going to be a wonderful bestseller as usual and of course will be available in all good bookshop (and some not quite as good probably) and Amazon.com in paper and electronic form.

When researching my marvellous 'must read' of a Travelogue I travelled the world visiting interesting places, dreadful places and really disgusting places like oh of the top of my head err India!

As you may or may not know India is a rapidly developing country, it's rapidly developing into something awful like, um Pakistan! It's a land of corruption, desperate inequality, squalor, child labour and according to the BBC a ever growing practice of female focticide or to be more abrupt, the killing of baby girls.

The most recent census conducted in 2011 shows a serious decline in the number of girls under the age of seven in India - activists fear eight million female foetuses may have been aborted in the past decade because Indian families only want male children.

Sadly this sort of disgusting activity seems to be prevalent in what are known as 'developing' countries, China manages to stay well ahead of India in the baby girl killing states but then they have had more practice.

Indians only really started killing their baby daughters in large numbers in the sixties when dowries were outlawed by the government. Before then a daughter was the family's prized possession because she would fetch a good price on the open marriage market but these days sadly she won't.

So one disgusting practice was replaced by another but the one thing you learn when you are travelling 'developing' countries that have large populations is that life is cheap and if you are a defenceless child your life is more than cheap it's worthless.


Indian Mineworker


Here are a couple of my holiday snaps from one of the places I visited in India, the 10 year old lad in the picture above gave up school aged 6 so that he could work in the coal mines and earn a wage. Today working conditions are "good for him" he said, a few years ago he was digging coal out of the earth with his bare hands now he is just bagging it above ground.

My second picture shows how the coal mine employes only the most rigorous safety standards, the walkway is made from 'real wood' and hasn't collapsed in weeks.


Indian Mine


As you can see from my holiday snaps travelling the world broadens your mind mainly because you have to cram in more horrors.


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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Misdirection Or Did They Really Mean That!

Have you had enough and wanna jump off a bridge? Well this way then!


Had Enough Wanna Jump This Way Then



The Cat's Opinion

In all honesty it's better not to jump! Nothing in this world is so bad that it can't be sorted out.




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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Proof There Are A lot Of Bastards In France

What are the French really like? Well if the recent events in New York and alleged activities of IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn prove to be true then they are a lot of French people who are not very nice at all and of course a lot of them are politicians and heads of industry and banks.

And it would seem that the French themselves know what they are like and like to advertise what they are to anyone and everyone.

Isn't it funny how every picture tells a story and some tell so much more...


There are a lot of bastards in france


So as you would expect some bastards are estate agents and of course others are politicians!

Let's hope that IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn, if he is guilty, is locked up for a long time and things aren't covered up so that he can go back to France and become President, which is what would have happened if he had 'performed' this awful act in France where if you are a politician it would seem you can get away with such a lot just ask Dominique de Villepin, Jacques Chirac, Alain Juppe, oh and of course the forty-seven politicians and other officials who were put on trial in 2005 over a vast kickback scheme.


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Monday, May 16, 2011

Romney and Hythe's Little Understatement and Other Attractions

You know the area around Romney and Hythe in Kent, England has a lot of exciting things to see if you are thinking of a family holiday in the UK because the government have taken all of your money and you can't afford to go somewhere really nice like err... Spain or where the bankers and the politicians who created your newly found poverty go... the Caribbean.

Still Romney and Hythe has some interesting sights, scenes and sounds for all the family.

First of all there is the Royal Military Canal a long flat waterway built for use during the Napoleonic Wars once captured by the french it would have proved invaluable for transporting men and supplies and creating a much wider bridgehead very rapidly. The canal lies flat in some of the prettiest countryside the flat lands of Romney Marsh so it is best seen from bridges.


Romney Marsh Military Canal


The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway which is the world’s smallest public railway is a child's dream and starts near Hythe town centre and runs fourteen miles across the Romney Marsh to the shingle headland of Dungeness.


Romney Hythe Railway

Dungeness is home to two interesting landmarks the first is a near derelict lighthouse where unsupervised children can climb out onto a ledge hundreds of feet above the ground and lean over a rickety Victorian railing.

From so far up they can see the coast of France a few miles away, the beautiful Romney Marshes on their left and the enormous Dungeness Nuclear Power Station to their right.


Dungeness Power Station and Lighthouse


The nuclear power station is also of interest to the casual visitor not only because of its location on the coastline but also because it bears a striking resemblance to the Fukushima Daiichi Power Station in Japan. In fact they share the same nuclear reactors though of course currently the Dungeness ones are not in meltdown.

Four miles way lies the hamlet of Port Lympne which has nearby the internationally renowned Port Lympne Wild Animal Park.

If after one or two days holidaying in this area and you do get bored why don't you pass the time by looking at some of the signs around, like this one and try and work out why the obviously needs to be stated so dramatically?


Romney and Hythe Council s Little Understatement


Oh by the way don't whatever you do go into the sea at Dungeness or along most of the coastline, the beach drops away dramatically underfoot and so in some places if you take three or four strides into the sea the next one will mean you are completely and utterly out of your depth. To make matters worse usually the sea is rough which means if you are not a confident swimmer you will be in trouble.

Some say that the Kent coastline is polluted and with radioactivity from the Nuclear Power station and the local Water Company's rather inefficient treatment of wastewater, which at times of great 'demand' means that raw sewerage is pumped into the sea so it might be an idea to avoid the coast completely.



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Thursday, May 12, 2011

Fish Parking - Cat Heaven

Every so often you find a place on this pretty little planet that surely is a tiny part of heaven.

For me being a Cat anywhere that allows a high concentration of fish in a small place and out of water too is heaven. As you can see from this sign California has a little bit of heaven in it.


Fish parking

Please don't judge me if I don't actually tell you where in California my bit of heaven is, it isn't that I am being selfish, it's just that I want to keep all of the fish to myself!



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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Would You Feel Safe Using This Driving School?

Here is a picture of the self-proclaimed best Driving School in Nigeria. Makes you think doesn't it!



Best Driving School Nigeria

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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

12 Firefighters, A Road Closure, A Water Cannon & 30 Hours... To Rescue A KITTEN From A Tree

Recently in a suburb of London it took twelve firefighters, a road closure, a water cannon and 30 hours...to rescue a KITTEN from a tree, and to this Cat that seems to be about the right number of humans, the appropriate amount of fuss and confusion to expend on something as precious as a Cat!

A dozen firefighters sealed off a road for 30 hours and eventually brought in a hydraulic hoist to rescue a Cleo a Kitten who had lost her way when climbing a tree and instead of climbing down had gone the wrong way and climbed almost all the way to the top of a 50ft tree.



The Tree

The wonderful, brave and patient firefighters at first used a water cannon to 'encourage Cleo the Kitten to climb down the tree, not to knock her out of the tree it has to be stress but that only forced Cleo to climb higher up the tree - but then we all know about Cats and water don't we?

It was only after the firefighters called in reinforcements and a 'cherry picker-style' hydraulic device, that a fearless fireman was able to grab Cleo and bring her back down to earth.



A Happy Ending

Before leaving the patient firemen advised the Kitten's human to put wire mesh around the base of the tree so that the Cleo wouldn't be able to climb up the tree and cause such a commotion in future.


The Cat's Opinion

First I have to say that people who have Cats and trees in their garden and don't want to repeat the palaver described above should do what the clever firefighters suggested and put Chicken Wire around the base of the tree.

Secondly I think that firefighters are just wonderful and should have their salaried doubled immediately.

Lastly as I said above, but it is worth saying again twelve firefighters, a road closure, a water cannon and 30 hours to rescue a Kitten from a tree, seems to be about the right number of humans, the appropriate amount of fuss and confusion to expend on something as precious as a Cat!

About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."




The Cat & Kindle

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Monday, May 09, 2011

The Attack Dog Is Bad Enough But The Chicken...

As the sign says you really shouldn't go through this door the attack dog is bad enough but I hear that the Chicken is the one to watch, it'll have your arm off!


The attach dog Is Bad Enought But The Chicken

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Thursday, May 05, 2011

Thinking Of A Holiday In Tunisia - Think Again!

At the moment there are some pretty good holiday and short break deals to all sorts of interesting destinations and they are very cheap, so cheap these holidays seem to be almost like gifts - but like any gift horse do look at the dental records first before you book anything.

The giveaway holiday destinations include Bahrain, Egypt, Morocco and other really rather volatile destinations where the locals have either that had or are having a little bit of a revolution, and have dusted off their Kalashnikov's and taken to the streets to demand things - who knows what they are demanding and they don't really know either but they seem to be enjoying themselves all the same.

Obviously considering any one of a number of Arab states where currently not all the shooting is into the air is a little dumb even if the price is extremely good because the likelihood of not everyone in your holiday party returning home suntanned and fit is rather high and semi-automatic bullets tend to make laundry very expensive. But there are other reasons for not holidaying in these dreadful places even if the people weren't rioting and the reason is below.

Here is a picture I took while researching my latest blockbuster of a book - "My Travelogue." The picture is of a top of the range toilet roadside in Tunisia, please note the various 'classes' of toilet from "Normal" to "Confoo" and onto the three star "Deluxe." Of course all of these conveniences are believed by the Tunisian proprietor to be "Toilettes Confortable" which sounds like a sort of soft aftershave on paper at least!


Top of the Pile in Tunisia


Imagine the brain of the architect that 'comes up' (you couldn't call it designing could you) with this block of conveniences! The two on the lefthand end are, I presume, for the poor and the cheapest is probably the one without a door. It is also possible that the doorless toilet is for poor people who are small - the Disney style height gauge nailed across the entrance is the clue there!

What is really worrying about this picture is what the Tunisians consider to be "Deluxe" the blue door on the right offers an entrance to the best toilet in the area and that says it all!

Just think, this is the only toilet for several hundred miles in any direction! And it's a chilling thought isn't it and the chill deepens when you consider the state of the places behind the doors!

I am not even going to describe what was there because I am a nice Cat and statements like "shit covered walls" are just not my style and neither is "dirty Arab bastards" for that matter.

Finally I leave you to guess exactly what the rolls of 'stuff' are that lie to the right of the cosy broken toilet block or to consider just how the area, for half a mile around, smells because of course there aren't any sewers in the area.

The best and safest thing you can do to save money this year and help the country's economy into the bargain is to holiday at home and then you won't get shot at or poisoned by cheap Arab holidays or indeed catch dysentery from toilets that were obviously inspired by Indian architects and sewerage engineers.



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Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Goop De Gobble De

Sometimes signs speak for themselves and then other times it's like they are written in a foreign language just try to read the attack on the English language provided by a translator from china who was actually paid for this abomination.

I like to call this sort of nonsense "goop de gobble de" because although it is 'gobble de goop' thats's how it would be translated by this Chinese idiot.

Still I don't know why we bother trying to understand what the manufacturer was trying to say on the packaging really because if the product is made in China it won't work for long because anything and everything that's made there is just plain dreadful, what a good job they haven't started making medicines yet!

I went to China doing research for my next book a Travelogue - oh it is awful and they eat Cats there did you know that!



Goop de Gobble de

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