Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bet She Felt A Bit Of A Knob On The Balcony!

It is true to say that I have deliberately avoided commenting on the royal wedding because it is tedious and every other idiot who can type has, but I couldn't resist this little gem of a picture. It sums up the day and the dynasty.

I had heard that she gave good head but as a Cat I thought that she was generous with some of the best bits of left over fish!

They say that every picture tells a story and wow what a story this one tells! Poor little kate I bet she felt a bit of a knob on the balcony, she should have told whatever his name is to wait until they got inside. But then that's the royals for you, if they want something they want it now!

One of the many reasons that they have to go!

Bet she felt a bit of a knob on the balcony

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Friday, April 29, 2011

American Freedom I Knew Someone Was responsible

I always thought that once America had defeated mad old King George III's evil Death Star they would go on to do great things and now and again they shine, sadly as the picture below demonstrates America even outsources the manufacturer of its 'freedom' these days.

At this rate in ten years time poor old America will be smelling funny, rocking in a chair, mishearing things and talking loudly about the good old days just like Great Britain.


American Freedom

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Most Welcoming DIY Superstore

England and the English have a reputation of being unwelcoming, reserved and abrupt all wonderful character traits which I admire, but even this Cat can see that sometimes being unwelcoming can be counter productive!


Well Look Its Simple really You

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Friday, April 22, 2011

Dreadful Google Strikes Again

As you may or may not know I hate Google for so many reasons, but the main one apart from them pushing their noses into your business is the fact that the 'make' me have Google in the Czech language when I log on to Google.com.

Now that is all well and good if you are Czech! I am sure Czech is a fine language and just as good as any other human language although it does seem to be a little over endowed with odd shapes that sprout out of some of the letters in strange places.

Unfortunately I don't speak Czech and so I expect when I type in Google.com to my web browser to get Google.com in English or something quite close like American which is as close as you can get to English these days although American is spelt badly.

It is a shame then that Google.com is automatically routed via my browser to the Czech language site Google.cz because my IP address is Czech. Even when I block the web address Google.cz in my browser's privacy settings I still get ***king Google.cz and have to manually alter the mistake.

It's not exactly freedom of expression because Google.cz blocks my desire to visit Google.com to say nothing about freedom of speech - I am sure that they are ripping up some sort of constitutional right here and so I need a clever, devious and not very scrouplous lawyer to sue them for damages because constantly having to type in Google.com after I have logged on to Google.com and got Google.cz is driving this cat bonkers oh and of course my usual no win no fee lawyer is apparently indisposed for 10 years conducting Penal research from the other side of the bars if you know what I mean!

Having said all of that I do like it when Google makes a balls up and I hope you enjoy this one, it is a cracker.

The first picture below is the Google.cz homepage and has some dreadful illustration on it, the significance of it, of course, is totally above my head - but hell after all I am just a Cat so what do you expect.

The second picture is what happened to the pretty twee little picture when I typed in Google.com - just proving that all of the great flash animators don't work at Google.com. whatever.



Dreadful Google


OOPS!


Dreadful Google 2

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Typical Chinese Attitude!

I think that this sign displays just what China thinks about visitors don't you?


Visitors unwelcome China

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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Happy Harry!

Now we know what made Harry happy don't we! And it's terrible. Apart from Harry always looking a little smudged when you went in his shop I always thought that Harry was an upstanding type of chap!

Just goes to show doesn't it!


Now we know what made Harry happy

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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Guinea Pig Hunting Step by Step

Guinea Pig Hunting The Cat's Step by Step Guide

  • Step One Stalk Guinea Pig - Check
  • Step Two - Pounce on Guinea Pig - Check
  • Step Three - Wrestle Guinea Pig to Ground - Check
  • Step Four - Don't whatever you do fall asleep…


Guinea Pig

About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, April 18, 2011

Holy Clientele

Sometimes a photograph is worth a 1000 words so here is a story that has everything.



Holy Clientel


Of course sometimes some people get special treatment just because of the job they do no matter how unimportant or pointless that job might be!

This Cat wonders why Burger King would want to have reserved parking for the religious rabble of Archbishops and Clergy?



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Friday, April 15, 2011

Be Brave Butt It Will Hurt

Signs sometimes don't mean what they say but they can be a lot of fun all the same!



Be brave Butt It Will Hurt



About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Twins or Two Halves of the Same Contortionist

Occasionally you see a picture of a Cat or indeed two Cats and you have to take a second look just as you will with this odd picture. Is it a picture of one long and very supple Cat?

No of course it isn't it's my friend the twins Monty and Mandy playing that famous Cat game 'Bite Your Bum' and it looks like Mandy is winning hooray for Mandy!


Cat Contortonist

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Yesterday Was International Day for Street Children Did Anyone Notice?

So yesterday April 12th was International Day for Street Children and I bet you didn't notice! I have to say that I didn't and sadly I rather think that the title 'International Day for Street Children' isn't going to help it catch on in the public imagination or indeed be remembered - it isn't like 'President's Day,''Thanksgiving' or the dreaded 'Tax Day' is it?

What made me sadder was the small amount of publicity about the 'event' and that it seemed to focus just on two cities full of street children because there are so many all over the world.

The cities mentioned were no surprise to this Cat because he has visited both while writing his next book a 'Travelogue' they might surprise you though - well one anyway.

The first city featured in the 'International Day for Street Children' launch - this is the first International Day for Street Children actually - was the filthy slum called Delhi.

No surprises there of course Delhi is a dreadful place, the super rich Indians and the caste system conspire against most of the citizens of Delhi and indeed India in general; add to that the fact that the Indian government is one of the most corrupt in the world and you have the perfect place to have poverty and everything that is so err...'Indian.'


Street Kid Delhi


Of course you are going to get street children and there is no point embarrassing Indians and speaking out loud about it because they not only have the ex-empire to blame instead of themselves they also have been net beneficiaries of enormous amounts of charity cash to help them sort out problems like street children and they haven't managed yet.

What was surprising was to see photographs, in the launch pack, of street children in Glasgow Scotland, part of Great Britain a country, which is supposed to be one of the most developed and prosperous countries on the planet who 'graciously' gives aid to China and India and other countries and is spending over 100 million pounds sterling on a royal wedding.

What a silly little pompous country Great Britain is if it is more concerned about keeping up appearances than attending to the needs of its children!


Street Kid Glasgow


Now correct me if I am wrong but if the bride in the royal wedding just bought just one wedding dress instead of the three, yes three wedding dresses that she is supposed to have bought and gave the rest of the money to Glasgow's street kids then they could probably have a few hot meals and if the dreadful royal family paid for the wedding instead of the british public then the 100 million or so which is being spent could do so much good.

What is wrong with Great Britain and its royal family if they don't understand that? Maybe they don't know that the once 'great' Britain has more poverty than Russia according to the CIA fact book!

Lastly and I had to smile inwardly here, the organisers of the International Day for Street Children presented an expensively produced video of the kids in Delhi where as the poor kids in Glasgow only merited a slideshow!




About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Yuri Gagarin Day Today

First of all it is Yuri Gagarin day today and I have to say that he was really a very cool human. The first human in space is a pretty big thing, but then on the other paw humans were beaten into space by Monkeys, Dogs and Cats some of whom not only made it into space but returned back to the Earth like Yuri Gagarin.


Yuri Gagarin 12 April 1960

It's sad to think that the humans who helped all of those brave animals into space didn't always have a plan for their return and all too many Cats, Dogs and Monkeys died in order to make sure that it was safe for mankind to tiptoe into the stars.


Belka Strelka

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Monday, April 11, 2011

Temptation And Patience

There are so many things in life that offer such adorable temptation and I know for humans it must be worse because you have all sorts of stuff that you can gorge on, indulge in and debase yourselves with when you want to - it's obviously a talent most Cats envy.

Happily us Cats or is that we Cats? Who cares! We rely on our ability to resist temptation and we do this by employing our endless patience, consider what Confucius would have said about the picture below.

Sometimes the temptation


Must be read in a fake Chinese manner:

"The Sparrow is tempted to peck the sleeping Cat and his temptation will get the better of him. The sleeping Cat is patiently waiting for the Sparrow to peck him and his rewards will be greater."

You can of course add a crunching sound here depending upon your need for accuracy tee hee.





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Friday, April 08, 2011

Jo Woodcock Paints Underwater

As you know I am a great lover of Prawns and indeed probably one of the world's greatest experts on eating the tasty little devils but none of this helps me when I have to deal with my translator John Woodcock even though I have heard a lot of people call him a Prawn, mainly behind his back I have to say because he can be an ugly brute!

Oddly enough my translator John Woodcock has a wonderful and very good looking and talented daughter who is an actress and almost as famous as me Jo Woodcock is also very kind and sent me this picture of herself which she produced when tinkering with Photoshop. I have a feeling that she would rather like to play Disney's The Little Mermaid.

As my cuddly readers are all so nice and often not only comment on just how wonderful my book "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" is but have also have indeed demonstrated how much they like it by buying thousands of them I thought I would share the picture with them so here it is!


Jo in a Reef

There's only one thing wrong with this picture to my way of thinking and that is the total, utter and complete lack of Prawns and that is a shame, Prawns are nice crunchy little fellows who have the ability to brighten even the dreariest day.

Still there are three Clown Fish in it and they seem rather nice, personally I haven't had the opportunity to eat Clown Fish so if any of my readers have beaten me to it and tucked in to Clown Fish do please let me know what they're like.



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Thursday, April 07, 2011

Religion Is Tiring

This nice little sign was above the front seat of a train I was travelling on in Thailand while researching my latest blockbuster of a book, which is due out soon, in fact I'll be able to tell you when as soon as my agent and publisher sober up, they've been celebrating ever since they read it - apparently I am going to be as big as J. K. Rowling but they didn't specify which bit of J. K. Rowling I was going to be as big as if you see what I mean!


Save Monks Legs


I think it is quite nice that you can save a Monk's legs don't you? Although I thought that Monks were supposed to be able to endure long periods of discomfort like err... standing and stuff, but I suppose I have watched too many Shaolin type movies, or maybe the Monks in Thailand are just not very strong.

There was one other thing that struck me about the sign - how many Monks are you supposed to offer the seat to? I asked around and no one seemed to know, but then as I was speaking English and they were speaking Thai which believe it or not doubles as a cuisine I don't think they understood me.

You know Thai must be a very complicated language if you can use it as a cuisine too - just a thought!

Actually I have to say that the record of my trip through Thailand and indeed one or two other countries won't be recorded in my forthcoming and soon to be blockbusting Travelogue because the 'authorities' there read the chapter devoted to Thailand and very graciously supplied an awful lot of cash to 'persuade' me to not include the chapter in my Travelogue.

Of course this clever cat isn't dumb and Thailand together with the other countries are obligated to keep up the exorbitant (their choice of words not mine) monthly charges or I will publish a second and more complete edition of this explosive (in every way) book.

Its not really a Travelogue Too Far but it is "wicked" as my agent who seems to act as though she is 12 most of the time said.



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Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Check Out My Latest Free Online Game

Zuma img 2


If you like balls and Frogs have I got the perfect games for you!

All you have to do is to shoot lots of different coloured balls from the Frog's mouth at a growing line of coloured balls to make them all disappear. Zuma is simple, addictive and the most fun you can have with a Frog and still stay on the right side of the law.

If you want to play wonderfully addictive free on-line game online then simply click here Zuma or you can go to my games page here on my www.wickedly wonderful website My Games Page.

If you don't like weblinks and who can blame you then just copy and paste this web address into your browser http://www.thecatsdiary.com/games.php.




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Zuma

French Arses

I saw this sign on my travels through France when I was doing research for my next book which is a Travelogue and will be the must have book for your holidays, the sign sort of sums the buggers up don't you think?


French Arses

Don't forget to look out for my latest book soon it will be on www.amazon.com all good webstores and in the lovely old fashioned brick one too oh and for all of you technophiles you will be able to buy my Travelogue as an ebook for any device at www.amazon.com or indeed my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com.

Of course you can buy my first book here Amazon.com or from my website now and really get ready for the next masterpiece.




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Monday, April 04, 2011

Good New for Kitty the Ex-library Cat

If you read my blog the other day and have been worrying about Kitty the ex-library Cat I have some more news and I can happily say that the news is good.

There is a happy ending to the sad tale of Kitty the ex-library Cat and if you are sitting comfortably I will begin.

After the Musser Public library decided that Kitty didn't have a future with the library service Kitty's prospects looked grim. Like any other stray she was destined for a shelter, a place where all too many Cats end up through no fault of their own in fact, there is usually a human holding a smoking gun in the background somewhere I hasten to mention.

But happily The Cat can tell you that Kitty's fate was not the same as 70 million or so feral or stray Cats that live rough in the US (according to the ASPCA www.aspca.org www.aspca.org) a nice kind lady was reading the 'Muscatine Journal' a local newspaper that carried the story and she has offered Kitty and her fleas a home.

For the moment Kitty is at her new home hiding under the sofa, probably trying to work out where everything went wrong, but she has a new family who will love her and hopefully feed her Prawns regularly if not hourly and it won't be long until she is leaping from one piece of furniture to another and mounting expeditions to climb the front room curtains.


Kitty No Longer the Library Cat


Everyone here at Cat World and I know my lovely cuddly readers wish this poor Cat well and hope that she manages to stay flea free...sorry had to stop there for a scratch.

...Then another scratch. You can tell summer is coming can't you!





About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Friday, April 01, 2011

Going Up

There are lots of ways to go up. Here are one or two, ok three!



The Tanzanian Air Force special knob!


Special Knob




You can also go up God's way which is of course the most 'mysterious way' although of course that sort of thing is rightly frowned upon in Canterbury!


God s Way




There are more natural ways to go up how about wind Power in Denmark.


Wind Power in Denmark


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