Thursday, March 31, 2011

Good-bye Kitty the Library Cat

It was a great idea, to have a Cat in a library, the staff loved it, the kids loved it, the PR people reveled in it and I hear tell that 'Kitty the Library Cat' didn't mind being a library cat at all. In fact after a hard day sleeping, being petted and performing the occasional death defying leap from one bookcase to another Kitty believed that she had made her contribution to society.

All of that sadly has come to an abrupt end. After just a few months as the official library Cat at the Musser Public library in Muscatine, Iowa 'Kitty the ex-library Cat' has been told that her services are no longer needed.

At first 'Kitty the ex-library Cat' was heartbroken and when she tearfully enquired why she was being let go she became very embarrassed when she heard that she was getting her pink slip because of an 'infestation.'

'Kitty the ex-library Cat,' like all Cats, occasionally plays host to a few hundred free loaders, humans call them fleas. And just because 'Kitty the ex-library Cat' had one or two fleas the library decided enough was enough.

Personally this Cat would like to bet that 'Kitty the ex-library Cat' was flea free before she went to work at the library, after all it winter was just ending when she signed on and we all know that fleas don't live on Cats in the winter they hop off don't they.

One of the places that fleas like to hop off to in the winter if they can is public place that has good heating. It's like when Grandma and Grandpa go down to Palm Desert for the winter. Now correct me if I am wrong but aren't libraries rather toasty in the winter?

I think that 'Kitty the ex-library Cat' should chat to a lawyer in my opinion she has a case for compensation here. Does anyone know a good bar or barrack room where we can find a lawyer for Kitty; if you do please let me know.



Kitty No Longer the Library Cat


One of 'Kitty the ex-library Cat's' favourite books, I am happy to say, is my book the very wonderful and extremely funny work of genius that represents the pinnacle of feline literature. (Until my next is published book of course).

You can see for yourself if Kitty has great taste in feline literature by getting my amazing book "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" at your local bookstore, or indeed here at my www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com or here at good old Amazon.com Amazon.com.


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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Is That The Best They Can Do?

I am always grateful to people who are crazy about Cats, they are fun to talk to, nice to be around and yes of course they buy my book by the thousand which is wonderful and of course available here Amazon.com if you aren't one of those lucky enough to have it yet..

So bearing that in mind I have been recently looking at things that people can buy for people who like Cats. The choice (apart from my wonderful book of course) is pretty dire and below is a perfect example. The colours, the style are just appalling and the message is a little odd.

If anyone makes excellent Cat related products and gifts and would like to sell them from my store at my amazingly popular www - wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com I will gladly give them the space - well for a consideration of course - you have to buy prawns with something I discovered sadly when I popped into my local fishmonger with two mice and a song bird and wanted to do a trade.


Crazy Cat Mug

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Horny Or Horni Are They The Same?

As you may or may not know I live in the Czech republic and the Police here are plentiful and err wonderful, well they are if you believe the signs.


Horni Police

Actually 'Horni Police' is nothing to do with the 'police' but you could, if you wanted to have the oddest address, live there Horni Police is village and municipality in Česká Lípa District in the Liberec Region of the Czech Republic and nothing to do with amorous police folk.





About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."



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Monday, March 28, 2011

A Royal Event And It's Unapproved Merchandise

As you may or may not be aware the British royal family is about to have a wedding, the marriage of St Diana the peoples princess's son to someone or the other. The hope is that this time a royal marriage might be less disastrous than most of the family's recent weddings which have not lasted long, caused enormous scandals, and even worried MI5 the British secret service and it is possible the happy couple have been more or less married in common law since they shacked up together at university.

So to celebrate 'the occasion' as some would call it, the merchandising department of Buckingham palace has been busy giving the regal nod, for a 'consideration' to all sorts of tat that is in the shops now, including some sort of dreadful game from the bride's family who are as eager as the groom's family to cash in on their daughter's good fortune, as they probably see it.

Obviously with every merchandising 'event' from Disney Movies to well err Pixar movies the quality of the merchandising has to be monitored carefully by the rights holder so that the 'right' impression of the event and the status of those involved is forever carved in plastic.

The merchandising mangers in Buckingham Palace have been careful to ensure that the image of the 'happy couple' and their royal relations is one that creates the right impression and so they have only licensed "appropriate" merchandising.

Here for your delight, if you really adore rubbish, is a selection of the royal wedding merchandising that seems to have slipped through the net and not been given the royal seal of approval, which is odd because the selection beautiful sums up the regally happy couple, the family into which the bride is marrying and indeed the 'entiresome' event.

Let me explain the word 'entiresome' it's a newly invented word (I invented it for this article in fact) and it's used to explain, in one word, something that's not only 'entirely' 'tiresome' but also everything that is to do with it is as well.

So here for your pleasure are just a few merchandising items that I think beautifully sum up the happy event with a commentary where 'unnecessary' tee hee!

If you are like me the first example of royal wedding tat is something you really couldn't do without.



Sick
I am sure that you will agree with me I can't understand why these uncannily lifelike moulded plastic replicas of the royal family and the happy couple weren't approved by Buckingham Palace! It's sad that a lot of Chinese workers hard work has it would seem gone to waste, still i believe there is one scrap of silver in the lining of the story and that is that the models are recyclable.


Lifelike

It is a mystery to me why these excellent single cup tea bags haven't seen the royal nod, the images look, let's face it, very much like the royal subjects especially wills and tea is the national drink of the UK.


Bags

Just look at the craftsmanship that went into producing the salt cellar below and then think about the poor souls who slaved away for little or no wages to help celebrate the happy occasion, I feel for these people when I think their exquisite commemorative condiments were not on the offical list of rubbish that is being sold to help everyone celebrate this 'momentous' occasion.

I have to say I am using the word 'momentous' in an entirely new what here because I hope that when used in the same sentences as the words 'royal wedding' it will come to mean something that is forgotten in a moment.


Idiot Salt


Last but not least The Cat and his friends have produced their very own tribute to the happily royal couple ladies and gentlemen we give you dave the Cat and Crown! Dave the Cat as always is elegant, tasteful and regal in a bobble hat.


Dave the Cat and Crown


If you would like to purchase a copy of Dave the Cat's commemorative picture you can do so reply to this blog or write to me The Cat at thecat@thecatsdiary.com for details. If you have bought or want to buy any of the official or unofficial tat that is on sale to commemorate this happy occasion do let me The Cat know and I will arrange for someone to visit you and provide counselling.



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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Bette The Cat With Heart

Nature sometimes is odd and always unpredictable and just to prove that I give you Bette a Cat with a big heart, a big heart on her side!

Bette or to give her her fully name "Bette Davis" (we are going to have to talk about the names you humans give Cats at some time in the very near future aren't we?) has one of the most unusual fur markings on her side that is literally heart shaped.

But Bette is more than just your average Moggy with an odd shaped birthmark that she will happily show you even when not asked, Bette needs a home. Can you believe that a Cat who embodies love was just dumped at a Cat shelter in February? I don't like to think that humans do that to their Cats of course, but sadly it doesn't stop it happening does it?

After nearly a month of kinder care Bette is getting back to her old self, she is no longer emaciated and of course her coat is no longer dirty and dishevelled and her heart is positively glowing.



Bette The Cat With Heart


Like all Cats who have been deserted by their human families Bette needs a home, currently she lives at the Gables Farm Dogs' and Cats' Home in Plymouth, Devon, England and if you want to adopt her then of course you will have to live close by especially because the staff there will want to see Bette often because she is so very popular.

On the other paw if you want a Cat do adopt one because there are thousands all over the world waiting for a nice home, but and it is a very big 'but' do think about what having a Cat in the family will be like before you start to buy the fuffy mice toys won't you. Cats are not always the best long term house guests (just read my book "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" for more on that), they can be very messy and worst of all they adamantly refuse to do the washing up!

For anyone interested in reading the extreme adventures of a Cat in a house then you can get my masterpiece of feline literature "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" here Amazon.com at any good bookstore or from my store at my www.wickedly wonderful website here my store at www.thecatsdiary.com

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Friday, March 25, 2011

Germans To Neuter All Stray Cats

Because of the number of stray Cats in the City of Bremen local officials have taken drastic action and decided to neuter all the cities 400+ stray cats.

Only Cats who are proved to be strays will be neutered. The definition of a stray Cat being used, quite rightly in this Cat's opinion, is a Cat who is not either microchipped or has a tattoo - both of which obviously allow lost Cats to be reunited with their human families.

It is hoped that this innovative measure will reduce the number of stray Cats in the city meaning that horrific and usually fatal diseases that domestic Cats can catch from feral Cats will be much reduced and The Cat believes that is a very good thing.

A by-product of the measure will be that the wild bird population may increase and although it would be inappropriate for The Cat to comment on this directly I did allow myself a little 'tee hee' at the news.

So well done to the Germans they are going to create a safe, humane and managed approach to feral Cats which allows them to live out their lives the way they want to and not be put down out of hand because of course a feral Cat who is enclosed is like an animal in the Zoo something sad to watch.

Let's hope that more countries adopt this policy; but most importantly humans who have a Cat in the family should ensure that the Cat is microchipped, and of course the same applies to Dogs, this Cat believes that there is nothing worse than losing a family member who can't tell others his or her home address if he or she is found by the authorities.





Stray Cats

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Big Game Hunting

It would be unfair to say of any Cat that they lacked ambition and just to prove what I mean I came across a picture of my good friend Rocky doing a bit of big game hunting.

Unfortunately Rocky didn't finish his hunting on the day that we took along a photographer, Rocky said that was because of something to do with the light being bad or the Bison being 'spooked'I didn't really understand, but then unlike Rocky I am not a hunter, still we had a wonderful day stalking (which involves walking around in long wet grass for hours) the creature.

Stalking is something that Rocky says is an essential part of big game hunting and he says that he personally thinks that stalking is more important that the end bit or 'kill' as he calls it.

Personally I found that stalking tends to leave you rather peckish!




Big Game

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How To Live With A Pig

Now that headline got you reading, didn't it? Well let's face it that's what headlines are for.

I wanted to draw your attention to a very good pal of mine Marcie who actually does live with a Pig called Andrew (named after the Duke of York obviously and bearing a remarkable resemblance to his namesake) to be more precise is a piglet, but that is because he has never grown up - what a coincidence that his humans named him Andrew after a fat useless twerp who didn't grow up either.

Poor Marcie has to put up with all sorts of indignities and displays of err... pigishness but she has come to learn to live with most of Andy's antics and happily Andy likes to travel a lot and that means that Marcie has the run of the place when he is away.

But when he comes back all hell breaks loose, as you can see below, when there is just the hint of a rumour that there might be a full trough for him outside to sink is little piggy snout into he is up and away, occasionally this bolt for the outside sometimes coincides with Marcie going out of her Cat flap.




I Said One Of Has To Lose Some Weight




After this picture was taken Marcie said to Andy - "One of us has to lose some weight!" being regally thick as usual Andy said "I'll help you do that old girl!"






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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Love Birds Of A Feather!

Ah! Sometimes pictures do that don't they? They make you go 'ah' and then feel all good inside! Here is a nice picture that will undoubtedly make all you humans go ah! I call it "Lovebirds of a Feather - where's me feathers?" Just to annoy one of my younger friends 'Davy' who was taken advantage of by a Parrot and a photographer when he was snatching a bit of a doze before having a really long snooze.

Personally I think that it's terrible that photographers take pictures like this, in the Cat World we call this sort of imagery 'Kitten Porn' but I know you humans like it - shame on you!

What is worse when we showed this blog to poor Davy he took it rather badly and tried to stay awake and never sleep, of course that didn't work and after a few days he had forgotten all about it, but that's Kittens for you, one Kitten has much sense as all of the members of the British Royal family, who, as we all know are dreadfully 'limited' in every respect.

Having said all of that Davy's anguish did make me think that I may have been around humans for too long, because I thought the picture below called "Love Birds Of A Feather - Where's Me Feathers?" was rather funny - yes I need professional help don't I?




Love Birds Of A Feather  Where s Me Feathers

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Monday, March 21, 2011

What's On The Menu Today?

Is Beijing the only place where you can ask if your Sheep meat was well hung?





China Of course





In South Africa they are taking fusion food to the absolute limit - raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers Jo'burg.




Raped Chicken must be Royal Burgers




Ok maybe we are expecting too much from restaurants that are so far away from home they must serve nice home cooked food in Europe - I hear that the Spaghetti Carbonara is 'different' in German and this restaurant is obviously using homemade ingredients - just look at the menu!




Homemade




If those dishes are too 'exotic' for your taste then how about visiting a good old fashioned Soda Fountain for an Ice Cream and a Soda? Soda Fountains are nice, homely, clean places and they service 'normal' food don't they? May I recommend good old Butt Drugs Corydon, Indiana.

Being an innocent Cat I wondered if there is any knowledgeable human out there who can tell me what a "Butt Drug" is please?




Butt Drugs


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Saturday, March 19, 2011

With A Good Command Of English You'll Go Far

This interesting advert with its very strict standards was snapped in Leicester Square London - home of all good English speakers of course.





Kitchen Assistant

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Mind Control For Cats

Cat: "You're not only a very good looking Parrot, I am sure that you're very clever as well."

Parrot: "Thanks, I think I am clever and not only a pretty boy!"

Cat: That's what I thought and now this is your opportunity to prove that to the world."

Parrot: That would be nice! Thanks!"

Cat: "My pleasure, ok, so all you have to do is to get just a little closer to the window and then show me just how clever you are by reaching up to the window catch and undoing it with your beak."

Parrot: "Sounds like a plan!"




Cat and Parrot



About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."



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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Two New Free Games On My Games Page

I don't know how I do it, but I do! I have arranged for my boffins to set up two new free online games for you my lovely cuddly reader to play on my www.wickedly wonderful website so that you can while away your working day and return home fresh, relaxed and happy, aren't I just the nicest Cat in the world? Of course I am.

The first new free online game is called Bloons

Here is what it's about and what you have to do, which is frankly not much except enjoy.

Bloons are what Monkeys call Balloons - they're daft aren't they - but they did beat humans into space, though Cats got there first.

There is only one aim of the game and that is to shoot 'Bloons,' isn't it nice when things are that simple? Oh by the way there are 50 levels and they do get a bit harder as you progress.

Here's the Cat's Tip: Hold down the mouse button and let go to shoot further.

Bloons Game   Grow Cube Game



The second free online game is called Grow Cube and I think it's a bit strange - some might call it addictive though.

I personally think that Grow Cube is the first computer game that requires you to have a pencil and paper handy - you'll need it I promise.

The devious devisers of the game say that, "all you have to do (understatement) is to add the right element at the right time other otherwise your cube isn't going to grow." You'll get the hang of it all soon enough depending upon how clever you are of course!

Here's my tip: Start with the man, and make lots of notes.

I hope that you enjoy both free on-line games and manage to to do just a small amount of work every so often when playing them.

To get to my games page on my www.wickedly wonderful website quickly just click here My Games Page to go straight to the latest free online game you would like to play simply click on its picture above, the pictures are rather clever links to my website, but then what do you expect from a rather clever Cat? Nothing less!



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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

You Probably Won't find My Book Here

You probably won't find my book store and that is a shame, but as the name of the shop suggests it is not the 'right' sort of book store.




Poor Wong

Poor Wong - he doesn't have a great name does he? Would it be unfair to say that he has the 'wong' name or would that be wrong?

The good news is that you can get my wonderful book here Amazon.com and as a matter of fact here as well www.thecatsdiary.com at my store on my www.wickedly wonderful website!



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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Cats vs Fishermen

In a contest that involves wit, brains, guile and of course good looks a Cat will always beat a Fisherman.

And here is the proof. As you can see in the first photograph the Cat has found something interesting in the Fisherman's nice shiny bucket, I was going to say that the Cat had found the Fisherman's 'tackle' interesting but that just sounded weird!



Cat vs Fisherman 1



Very slowly, quietly and carefully the Cat does what cats do best, helps himself to something tasty and all while the idiot on the Quay is fiddling with his rod - mmh fishing terminology sounds just a little rude sometimes doesn't it? But only if you don't have pure thoughts.



Cat vs Fisherman 2



Which all goes to show that it isn't only Dogs that drool while Cats rule is it!




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Monday, March 14, 2011

Japan Earthquake - They Need Our Help Now

Japanese Quake

It's odd you know that when the last Tsunami struck everyone around the world immediately opened their wallets and pocket books and asked where do we send the cash? So now when the disaster is just as bad why does it seem to me that the reaction is not the same. The press and almost every page you clicked onto on the net for years had "send money to help victims of the Tsunami" signs.

Just because Japan is a rich country or was until recently it doesn't mean that they are suffering less than the unfortunate people who suffered last time. So my dear cuddly readers we have to send the Japanese some help asap.

If you do decide to help with your cash try to do so directly if you give it to most of the leading charities there is no guarantee that it will be used to help the people you want to send it to. Use the Japanese Embassies near you or a Japanese Bank that way you'll know that the big charities haven't taken their 40% for operating costs and then misdirect the funds you donated to some other project.

We must help these poor souls now.


Japanese Disaster

You can find a Japanese Embassy near you from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan list here Japanese Embassies. For local branches of Japanese banks your yellow pages is the best place to go.


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Saturday, March 12, 2011

My Latest Wonderful Game

You have to try my latest game it’s a Helicopter Game that I have just added to the games page on my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com, the lads and I have been playing it nonstop for a day now.

Dave the Cat holds the record here for having travelled to the Moon which is 238,857 miles – ok he's a bit of a big head, but if it is any consolation his right paw is definitely falling off – no I know I shouldn’t laugh!




Helicopter Game





This is a great game that’s easy to play – well I found it easy and so did Dave the Cat obviously, you just left click to go up and let go to go down.

I hope you enjoy it and do try to beat Dave the Cat’s record by oh say travelling to the Moon and back tee hee and don’t forget you just left click to go up and let go to go down let me know how you do won't you so that I can rub Dave The Cat's nose in it - no sorry I mean so that I can let Dave the Cat know how good you are... simply click here Helicopter Game and you will be sitting in your helicopter ready to play with your joystick - now why does that sound odd!






About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Tips For A Successful Meal Al Fresco - A Video

It is getting warmer at last and we'll all be thinking about nipping outside for a meal or two.

Because our gardens can be wild unfriendly places with creatures to match I have prepared an educational video that can be used to ensure that when you are eating al fresco nothing spoils your enjoyment not even nature.


Tips For A Successful Meal Al Fresco



Watch our host Marcus the Cat demonstrate just what can happen to your al fresco meal if you don't plan for all of the eventualities that nature can throw at you.

Do visit my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com to watch this video and of course one or two more or click this link The Cat's Video Page.


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Good News For South Africa

Every picture tells a story they say and this one is definitely good news for South Africa, mind you as things are obviously popping up all over South Africa The Cat would warn everyone to watch where they stand!





Good News for South Africa


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Wednesday, March 09, 2011

English Cross Channel Attempt Ends Prematurely

Lionel the talented (some say, and some say showoff) 'swimming Cat' has prematurely called off his attempt to become the first Cat to swim the English Channel after just beginning his first training session in the Summerfields pool and café Hastings Sussex.

In a specially arranged training session, squeezed in between the under 10's Cygnet Club's and the over 60's water aerobics, Lionel - the talented swimming Cat - had his first taste of a body of water bigger than his water dish and realised that he should apply his "enormous" talents to elsewhere.

It is not known as yet whether Lionel will be keeping his byline - 'the talented swimming Cat' although it does sound likely.




English Channel Attempt





If any organisation needs a special envoy or ambassador who has a marvellous opinion of himself that totally outstrips his abilities then do contact Lionel through this blog or directly to The Cat and we will pass on your details.

Obviously we have already been contacted by the ridiculous duke of York's 'employer' the UKTrade and Investment (UKTI) about an unpaid ambassador's position. While being unpaid the expenses are pretty good and equate to around 4 million UK pounds a year, with obvious benefits such as first class travel, top quality hotels and the rest.

When contacted a senior government spin doctor said that "the only qualifications you have to have are to be arrogant, have a delusional belief in your own abilities and intelligence, a great sense of humour and know what's best for British companies even if they don't know. And of course if you have a German family background that wouldn't hurt," but quickly added that Lionel should "get in quick" because the PM, DC has been changing his mind a lot recently and the opening might close soon - "who knows." He sighed.




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Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Good News for Toads

Well I think that this is good news for Toads - it appears that they are the only vehicle owners allowed to park in this car park who aren't customers.





Good News for Toads






But then it is such a good idea to have a few ground rules isn't it - you wouldn't want drivers in your car park who do this sort of thing, whatever it is - would you?




Not Nice





About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Monday, March 07, 2011

Just A Dog And His Master

Sometimes you hear of a story that touches you, not because it is anything grand, global or sadly particularly newsworthy in these days of 30 second news briefings, newspapers that have more naked flesh and gossip than hard news and you - yes that's right you readers and viewers with short attention spans and shorter memories.

In your defence it is not your fault, now more than ever we are told that we have the largest amount of news (most of which is puerile gossip of course) and other information being pumped out at us from what surely is the largest collection of incontinent gossips in history - everyone is at it aren't they? From the Huffington Post to the most lowly Cat blogger and it seems as though there is no escape from the news flow.

So unashamedly this Cat offers you a simple story of companionship, love, duty and something so much more, from two of the most admirable souls he has heard of in a long time and who like the war that they fought in will be forgotten.

It might not be forgotten today but too it will be all too soon. While people like the princely awful duke of York consorts with child sex offenders, Libyan gangsters and Kazakh fraudsters hoping first to sell his house for millions above the asking price and then to pay off his ex-wife's debts while his elder brother talks to plants and makes vain attempts to coerce the British government into making policy the British people don't want.

So enough of fops and fools for one moment, what I am about to tell you are just the facts, there is no embroidery, no fact-ion and that's because I believe that this pair of heros need no gilding just remembering - so please remember them!

Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, and his Dog Theo worked in the British Army. Lance Corporal Liam Tasker was 26 and Theo just 22 months old, probably their youth helped them not only create a strong friendship but also gave them the ability to work tireless saving the lives of countless British soldiers and Afghans in the latest war that the British government can't afford to participate in.

This dedicated pair of youngsters uncovered 14 home-made bombs and enormous quantities of weapons in just five months – a record for a dog and his handler.




Theo and His Master




They had trained together for most of Theo's short adult life and it was said of Lance Corporal Liam Tasker that his Dog handling skills were exemplary, as they trained the pair formed an inseparable bond, which was probably why they were such a successful team, it was Theo’s very dangerous job to be the ‘front man,’ where he would sniff out any hidden IEDs, weapons and bomb-making equipment.

Recently they took part in a mission in the Nahr-e Saraj district in Helmand, a hotbed of the insurgency and one of the most dangerous places in the war at the moment.

After a firefight broke out with the Taliban and L/Cpl Tasker was shot dead. Later though uninjured sadly Lance Corporal Liam Tasker beloved Dog Theo had a seizure and died of what is believed to be a broken heart.

This humble Cat would like to thank the brave souls of the Armed Forces for taking risks with their lives, which means that he doesn't have to.




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Friday, March 04, 2011

NASA Face In Space Update

I just thought that I would remind all of my wonderful cuddly readers who, like me, chose to be a face in space aboard the last NASA Space Shuttle Discovery Flight.

As you can see on wonderful NASA's website here NASA Face In Space Mission STS-133 is in progress and your Face in Space file as well as mine and 194,181 other images and names has has been uplinked and are now safely onboard the Space Shuttle Discovery ins't that just too wonderful for words - we Cats call that "purrful."

As you can see from the NASA Face in Space website here NASA Face In Space if you return to their website on March 7, 2011 you will be able to print your commemorative flight certificate.

If you don't have time to check out NASA's website I have taken the liberty of adding a screen capture of it below - sorry it is a bit small, but if it was bigger you would wait for ages for it to load - "can't have it both ways" as my Mum used to say can you?




NASA Face in Space update




I hope that you were one of the lucky 194,181 people who accepted NASA's invitation to put your Face in Space because you will never have the chance again to do something so special! Not only that it is so much better than say facebook because you won't get any idiots trying to annoy you - tee hee - yes I dislike facebook now!

My dislike started when the idiot spell checker that facebook uses couldn't 'spell' or is that recognise the word 'facebook' probably because it is a daft word that by all rights should be capitalised I suppose.

I as you what sort of idiot puts a spell checker on their site and then doesn't make sure that the damn thing spells its trade name correctly, not Disney nor Coca Cola those words don't even get flagged in the software I am using to write this blog - although I have to say that the word capitalised does because of course it is American and thinks - wrongly - that the word capitalised requires a 'z' poor thing!

Ok I am calm - so calm that I will tell you something that you might not know and then again might not be interested in discovering.

Did you know that the name for the upper case letter at the beginning of a capitalised word is 'majuscule!' "Not many people know that!" As Michael Caine used to say allegedly. And the distinction of a word having a majuscule didn't become popular until the 1300's. I could go on but even my eyes are heavy.

I would say it is amazing what one remembers from one's Art School days - I had to laugh they turned mine into a University! I wonder if they managed to get rid of all of the down and outs who used to be there - oops sorry I mean lecturers!


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Thursday, March 03, 2011

Now You Can Say I've Got An iPad2

As the title says now you can say that you have an iPad2 - or you will be able to on March 11th and unfortunately although the iPad1 was not very reliable which meant it was constantly receiving 'attention' at the Apple Genius Bar and then being replaced - this one has two cameras and so I for one will be dumb enough to get one, but not until my latest iPad1 gives up processing and so far, touch wood or should that be 'touch screen,' it has been doing a sterling job for two weeks - I feel privileged!

Here is a picture of more than one iPad2 so that if you have been living in a cave for a couple of days and not seen the news you can get your first glimpse. I have to say that I am looking forward to getting my paws on it, for us creatures that lack opposable thumbs and find typing difficult the touch screen is a boon.

IPad2

What was nice, was to see Mr Jobs, who is every bit the genius that I am, give the presentation, it sort of makes the people who have been prophesying his imminent doom look more than a little stupid - tee hee. The Cat wishes Mr Jobs well and hopes that he outlives the prophets of his doom. It goes without saying that prophets should be ignored frequently and completely doesn't it!


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Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Catliens - They're Here - Well They're In The Cold Bit Of Russia

Ok so Russia is fabled for its high level of Vodka consumption but very sober air traffic controllers in the cold east of Russia recently claimed that they were 'buzzed' by a UFO travelling at 6000 mph - yes '6000 mph.'

And (it gets worse) when they spoke to the pilot she replied "with a female sounding alien voice in a language that was unintelligible but sounded Cat-like," said one air traffic controller who probably needed at least a double Vodka or five to calm his nerves.

The Cat has decided to call out latest extra terrestrial visitors 'Catliens' and hopes that they are just a little more interesting and indeed 'real' than ET, who made one great movie but was never heard of ever again! Makes you wonder what Steven Spielberg did with the poor little guy doesn't it?

The speed of the craft is almost as exceptional as the language of the pilot - what a shame I wasn't there to translate, maybe I will be called into act as a consultant now that would be a nice little earner wouldn't it - because it was travelling so fast. If you earthlings look here on Wikipedia you'll see that the fastest manmade aircraft, the rather terrifying looking, Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird #61-7958 set the fastest time every by a man made jet on 28th July 1976 of 2,193.2 mph while being flown by Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan.




Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird




The UFO was assigned a numerical code on the Russian radar of 00000 because the air traffic control system could not identify the aircraft and it can be seen clearly in the picture below flying straight towards the capital of the region Yakutsk. On the picture below I have circled the 'object' in red so that you can see it easily!




Radar Image of UFO




The air traffic controller told a passing Aeroflot pilot "I kept hearing some female voice, as if a woman was saying mioaw-mioaw all the time." Unfortunately as you will hear on the video, which I have
posted on my www.wickedly wonderful website's new video page my new Video page the air traffic controller's contact with the Aeroflot pilot was disrupted by interference from the UFO as though it was jamming it - 'da dah da' sorry that is not a lot of russian 'yes's' it is obviously a musical accompaniment to a significant fact!

Last night there was no comment from airport officials on the Catlien UFO contact, the video or indeed anything but then we were talking to Russians, which is odd because although the video has only recently come to light it was made some time ago (and surely they would have had time to get their story straight wouldn't they?) because you can't see any snow outside the control tower windows and currently Yakutsk is covered in the stuff with an air temperature of minus 30C and that is how it will be for eight months of the year.

Of course some experts, and frankly some people who are totally the opposite, claim that it is widely known that UFOs have made contact and landed on Earth but details have never been made public, is this the first time we, the more general public have made 'contact?' Actually that would be nice because 'Contact' was a great movie and little what's her name who starred in it hasn't really worked since, no let me correct that she hasn't done anything as good since 'Contact!'

Oh by the way I thought that I would mention that when I do chat to the other super intelligent Catlike beings I will put in a good word for most humans, but of course a Cat has to live (preferably in luxury) and if anyone feels like chipping in with the expenses then now, I strongly recommend, is 'the' time because you'll go to the top of my list.

If you want to know the things I like you could do some research by reading my book Getting Out - Excerpts Cat's Diary and you can get it here Amazon.com or you could read my www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and of course it should go without saying that you must make sure that you get my next book which should be in the shops very soon it's a brilliantly written 'Travelogue.'

One thing I can assure you earthlings of is that, as yet, I haven't travelled away from our planet, that is the planet that will belong to Catkind very soon of course it used to be called Earth though as yet we Cats haven't actually agreed on a new name for our planet.

I can assure you it definitely won't be called 'Planet Fish' as Dave the Cat suggested. He is more annoying than usual after eventually grasping the fact that the new overlords of the earth will be err... us and now keeps making buzzing noises and has stuck a wire coat hanger and two knitting needles into the top of his woolly hat and keeps repeating "I am an alien give me your fish earthling!" Then he throws his wonderful toy Space Rocket, which he got here from my friends at Mad Cat Toys, into the air and whistles like a Pig - or is it more like a Banker - I can never tell the difference.

If you want to do the same as Dave the Cat or just own one of these wonderful toy Space Rockets then do please click the little link that rather convenient says "Mad Cat Toys" on my blog and you will be whizzed there to choose your Space Rocket and more and I'll get a very small 'consideration' for sending you there which is nice isn't it?

Or if you can't see the nice little logo of a Mad Cat then click here blog.thecatsdiary.com and you will be taken to my blog's main page and "hey presto!" As magicians say when they are annoying Rabbits - you will see it!


If you want to see the whole Catlien experience do click here and watch the video on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page where you can actually see that the UFO is travelling at a much faster speed than any of the aircraft nearby.






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Tuesday, March 01, 2011

A Happy Ending - For A Change

Workers at a British supermarket recently opened a sealed crate from Malaysia and just couldn't believe what was inside. From the warm darkness a pair of shining eyes looked up at them and they heard a little squeak.

The eyes and the squeak belonged to a brave little kitten who had survived a journey of several thousand miles for over a month by licking condensation off the walls of the crate.

It goes without saying that the kitten was tired, hungry and very thin, but when the staff of the supermarket picked her up and gave her a hug she started to purr and meow for food. This lucky kitten couldn't have turned up, or is that have been unpacked in a better place, and the supermarket workers were soon offering small amounts of the best cat food and some water.

The sensible supermarkets workers also called in the RSPCA - which is the UK version of the ASPCA - who checked her over and declared that although she was hungry she was healthy, probably about 8 weeks old and after staying in quarantine for six months will be given a new home in the UK. Of course offers to home the well travelled kitten have been pouring in.

It is thought that the kitten most likely crawled into the crate when it was awaiting loading in the port of Penang. The crate with the kitten inside would have been first placed inside a container and sealed so that it can't be tampered with or of course be used by people wanting to illegally enter the UK, then the container would have been loaded into the hold of the ship for the three week voyage to the UK.

At Southampton the container would have been loaded onto a lorry to complete the final part of its journey and as they say - you know the rest - there was quite a surprise for the people unpacking one particular crate.

Isn't it nice to have a happy ending for a change?




Cat in Box

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