Monday, February 28, 2011

New To My Blog

If you are new to my blog then you won't know that I have added yet another feature to enable even more people to enjoy my thoughts, jokes, observations and 'outings' of idiots and 'hopefully' be entertained at the same time.

What is new to my blog is this rather handy feature called 'Google Translate' which rather badly translates my wonderful words into a language near you. And if you use that feature you'll see that I have made it easier for people who don't use English as their first language like err... me of course then you can read my wonderful blog in any language you choose - the Cat translation is non-existent I see!

Did you see what I did there? Something very clever and used the phrase 'new to my blog' in two very different ways, pure genius!



The Cats Google Tanslate


Limitations


'Limitations' is such a sad word but unfortunately we all have limitations and my limitation at the moment is that (hopefully for the moment) you can only translate my wonderful words of genius here at my blog on my own www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and not at Wordpress which is sad, so if you want to go straight to my blog and start translating now, here is the direct link - www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, if not then that is ok too.

So just to recap, for those hard of understanding, if you don't read my blog here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com then you won't be able to use the 'amazing' well you have to say that, although 'rather good' might be more accurate translation service from those gooey people who seem to own the internet.

In addition if can read this message then frankly I wouldn't bother going to my blog here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com because you obviously don't need the translation service, but if you read my blog and it doesn't make sense (only because your first language is not English and not for any other reason) then do translate away here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com.

I would be delighted to hear what you think of my wonderful blog in your very own language if you for example call a Cat a 'Neko' and don't use English all the time!




PS


As it is the last day of February I wondered if you could help me. I need about 50 of my loyal fans to buy my book at Amazon.com so that it breaks yet another record for books sold at Amazon.com this February.

Of course if you have already bought a copy of my wonderful book and one for all of your friends then it is time to start bullying people you hardly know to get a copy of my wonderful book 'Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" and do it now!



The Cat & Kindle

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Stop Press - Or Is That - We Interrupt This Broadcast!

You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page you can use the pretty blue link or click the video screen capture to watch it in all of its wonderfulness.


One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it - or would have if my web boffins had let me have 'my' own way - shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German Cat) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this 'adding value' to German TV of course!

As usual do let me know what you think of my blog and also this time if you think that my movie direction has Oscar winning potential, because I would like to add that qualification that to 'movie star quality' on my CV. I hope that I will be on more screens soon, but I have already said too much!



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Friday, February 25, 2011

One Man's Dog Is Another's Outlaw!

In the 'good old' days of the brilliant but balding Chairman Mao the rules were simple people were allowed one child, a 'brilliant' little edict that caused unimaginable harm to come to so many female babies, and keeping a Dog was banned because it was considered a 'bourgeois decadence.'

But now as Chairman Mao spins like a top, without a topknot, in his grave keeping a pet Dog is seen as trendy, so trendy that there are nearly a three quarters of a million Dogs kept as pets, and happily their owners never think of them as lunch, in the city of Shanghai alone - but then hasn't Shanghai always been a bit of the decadent bourgeois side hasn't it?

In fact the number of people in Shanghai indulging themselves in what was until so very recently a bourgeois decadence is so great that the city authorities have decided that the time has come to do what all governments from Shanghai to Sidcup do and that is introduce legislation to 'control' the number of Dogs kept by Shanghians especially as horror of horrors only 140,000 of the Dog owners have licensed their Dogs with the police.

The new law means that if you don't currently have a license for your Dog then you may as well have it for lunch because you aren't going to be able to apply for one, but oddly enough if you already have two licensed Dogs you can keep them for companionship purposes rather than culinary.

In a rather odd statement the Shanghai police declared that "they are expecting they will have to adopt many of the Dogs once they are declared outlaws."

Let's hope that the multitudes of Shanghai's outlaw Dogs don't lead the police astray and start robbing trains, drinking moonshine liquor and having gun fights at corrals with two letter names - 'OK!'






Dogs in Shanghai

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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Odd Newspaper Sales Offer

I'm still a bit busy trying to achieve something rather special and of course finish my next work of genius my Travelogue - the good news is that I am in Las Vegas at the moment, who that is good news for I don't quite know but it must be good news for someone surely!

So with being busy etc., I feel I am neglecting my lovely cuddly blog readers who don't get the longest blog at the minute, but they do get little jokettes and interesting pictures of course and if they are really feeling disgruntled could go to my www.wickedly wonderful website for more in-depth reading or of course buy my book here Amazon.com if they haven't already tee hee.

So today's blog - I do read the English newspaper called the Guardian which is rather famous for being 'liberal' and mis-spellings - the mis-spelling label is unfair because there are just as many poor examples of spelling everywhere these days especially in other newspapers.

Sorry the point and I separated for a moment but we are back together again now happily, veering off the point is just something I do as my dedicated readers will know full well - it is a talent of mine and of course part of my charm as a writer... oops the point mmh!

I saw this odd advert in the Guardian the other day and thought silly sods they can't add up and that was it, but as the advert has appeared everyday now for a long while I thought I would share their silliness with you as they are so proud of it.




3 for 2




Note to the art department buy one get one free in my language means two umbrellas!


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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Going To The Loo - Should Worry You!

In Chengdu China they have special toilets for men - worrying! You wouldn't want to use one of those would you?




Chinese special toilet




But if you have one of these breakfasts then you would 'have' to go wouldn't you - life is a bitch isn't it?




Intestinal breakfast





About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Thinking About My Friends & Readers In New Zealand!

I would just like to say that I am thinking about all of my friends and readers in New Zealand today and hope that more people are safe than first thought and that anyone trapped is rescued quickly.




NZ Earthquake




I see as of Tuesday 08.11 GMT the British government have done absolutely nothing and the Queen of England hasn't offered any words of comfort to her New Zealand subjects, I wonder why?

Let's hope that Australia is not the only nation to come to poor New Zealand's aid hint hint.


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Monday, February 21, 2011

It's Snowing - How Dare It?

The weather had grown warmer and more Spring-like and obviously lulled this contented Cat into a false sense of Springtime security. I was just limbering up to take in the vista of swathes of Snowdrops sparkling in grass that is greener and recovering from being coated in tons of snow and what happens?




Snowdrops




I'll tell you what happens Mother Nature decides to be a right bitch and dump a load on our heads - thank goodness that load is 'snowy' that's all I can say about it!

So the Mac Mini is 'back' after its little trip to the repairers and so far its working which is nice although I don't know why I am saying it's 'nice' that it is working because it is only doing exactly what I bought it to do! Isn't it terrible that we have to be thankful that a computer that is a few months old is 'still' working? Bloody malmanufacturing Chinese and Apple have a lot to answer for.

Did you see my new way of describing anything made by the Chinese? The word is 'malmanufactured' and 'malmanufacturing' are the 'ways' of the 'malmanufacturers' or Chinese people with half a brain, little clue and a screwdriver in their hand.

Did you also see that people (not only me) are beginning to get annoyed with Apple for not ensuring that they properly oversee the manufacture of their products by the ham-fisted little brutes across the sea.

I read the other day that an Apple executive had visited the Apple factory in China to make sure that they installed nets to catch all of the jumpers who are tired of working for little pay in dire conditions. What he did made me think! Whilst I tend to agree with what the Apple executive wanted to achieve, I wonder whether they should've held off on the nets, until the standard of manufacture improved don't you think so too?




Workers at Fox Conn




Judging by the picture of some of the workers at the dreadful factory which makes not only Apple Computers (badly) but also ruins all sort of electronic stuff, maybe the standard of manufacture is due to the long hours, terrible pay, very poor working conditions and goodness knows what else, we know that the jumping off the roof of the factory is.

The poor lady (in the picture) looks as though she wants to be at home on the farm, or making her children's breakfast, or indeed crocheting but definitely not being held captive making something that means absolutely nothing to her and knowing that every one of the items she makes creates greater wealth for just a few of her fellow countrymen and of course Chinese politicians - do you get the feeling that in a few years what is happening now in the middle east will happen in such a bigger way in China - I do!

I feel so embarrassed buying goods made in China you know! It's terrible to support the growth of a country and culture where they have no regard for human life or the standard of their manufacturing! I do wish that Apple could make their computers in the US or the UK and charge just a little more for them or better still take a little less profit.

The problem is that if Apple did that then the third world conditions of those two countries would improve, and the people employed on the production lines would be so happy to have a job that they would try to ensure that the product that they were making was of the highest quality!

Oh dear I see one problem here unfortunately - all of the components would still be made in China so they would still break - talk about a being held to ransom! What were the captains of industry thinking about when they moved all the jobs to China? Oh yes profit and not consumers of course.

Changing the subject and talking of a product that you can be proud of my writing of my next book is sailing along now which is nice.

Not only that I hope this week to be able to announce some 'developments' regarding my latest masterpiece of a book "Getting Out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary." But all I will say at this moment is that you should get your copy from either Amazon.com or my www.Wickedly Wonderful Website www.thecatsdiary.com now!




The Cat & Kindle

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Friday, February 18, 2011

Hero Dog Saves the Day!

Last year a brave 8 year old German Shepherd Police Dog called Zak took a large chunk out of the bottomly bits of petty thief John Davies. Mr Davies said that he was "innocently trying to escape after Zak and his handler spotted the him trying to steal a bronze statue from a park."



Zak The Police Dog.jpg





The statue worth £3,000 was saved and the thief's rear wounded, which was just all in a days work for Zak, who only bites burglars and thieves happily.

Normally, in the Prime Minister daft Dave Chameleon's Britain, if something like this happens and a thief or burglar gets hurt plying his 'trade' he or she can sue the Police or the property owner for the injury.

As an example of this nonsense believe it or not this week Police asked residents in Britain to remove metal mesh from the windows of their sheds after a spate of robberies because "burglars might hurt themselves while breaking in."

Next householders expect to be asked to remove the glass from window panes for the same reason because we all know how sharp glass is after you have smashed it with a brick to gain illegal entry - don't we?

But this time during Mr. Davies' trial this week, for some really odd and almost inexplicable reason the sore bottomed thief wasn't allowed the privilege of using the corrupt legal system to obtain damages from Zak and his owners because on hearing just how the criminal was caught Judge Julian Lambert said in court yesterday: "Good! I hope it hurt. Well done Zak!"

Yes well done Zak! He did what my dog Ben and any other right thinking Dog would do and of course what people in Britain should do (but tend not to because of fear of retribution from not only the burglars but also the legal system), no not bite thieves' bums but help to maintain the law like.

Since all of the excitement Zak has retired and if he is anything like his human Police colleagues he will be receiving an enormous pension, still Zak is one pensioner who deserves his pension and a peaceful retirement. His handler still looks after him and said. "Zak's now living a quieter life with me in Cheltenham and is perfect with children and families."



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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Coke Online - It's Better Bottled

I heard the other day that some fool had posted the 'secret' - well not anymore - recipe for Coca Cola online after it was 'discovered' by a radio show and I thought to myself "so what!" I won't bother to mention the show or the website because that would just draw attention to these somewhat deranged people and that is exactly what they want of course).

It's difficult for me to describe just how unimpressed I am by the actions of this idiot, what does the nincompoop think we are going to do - use the recipe to make our own coke?

This Cat hates to mention to these stupid people and anyone daft enough to believe what they claim is true and I'm not going to grace their story by repeating it, because surely everyone knows that the recipe for Coke and just about everything that was developed in the late 19th Century will have been modified so that the commodity embraces 'modern' tastes.

And of course as if to prove my point I am sure I don't have to draw your attention to the word 'new' in picture below, but maybe for the "hard of understanding" as I like to call really stupid people it might be worth mentioning that in order to get 'new' Coke the people who make the fizzy black stuff would have changed the recipe - as Homer Simpson says "DOH!"




Can of Coke.jpg





Ok I will say this about Coke! It's over priced and I have never understood why a litre of the stuff (that is a small amount to you guys in the states and such a small bottle probably doesn't exist - only joking) costs as much as a bumper, jumbo sized 2 litre bottle but that's no reason for spilling the beans is it? If you don't like the cost of something you don't buy it.

So every recipe has change except, that is, except the wonderfully original Worcestershire Sauce which was developed by the mother of Audrey Lawson-Johnston who was the last living survivor of the sinking of the ocean liner RMS Lusitania in 1915. Audrey's family survived the sinking and shortly after getting back to England her Mum came up with the saucy idea of this oddly tasty sauce adored by a lot of people everywhere and of course some Cats (mentioning no names but expecting at least a case of the delicious stuff as a reward for product placement of course).




Worcestershire Sauce.jpg




Now not many people know the story of Worcestershire Sauce (or care probably har ha) but honestly for those of you who are easily excited what I have just said was not a secret.

By the way, who like me, thinks that the name of the English county 'Worcestershire' is a bit odd? It's the most dreadful looking name and frankly looks almost as bad as 'Gloucestershire' doesn't it? I blame the French invaders of 1066 for all of these silly names and I think I am right the name 'Gloucestershire' it was first used in the 1Oth Century which is the 1100's isn't it - me and my maths - I just wonder because the use of the word Gloucestershire was blamed on the Anglo Saxons and not the French in the text book I read!




RMS Lusitania.jpg





Don't you think since Wikileaks - which is a most unfortunate name isn't it, and easily confused with so much else - we are all just a little too obsessed with secrecy? I suggest we relax and have a nice cup of tea and if you want a secret about tea it is that tea bags contain the worst tea of the entire crop, the broken dusty bits! There I bet you didn't know that! But I bet your Mum's and Grandma's do, what a shame you never listen to them, instead listening to a lot of attention seeking sneaky fools on the radio and internet, because if you had you would drink more tea!

I was looking for an illustration for Wikileaks but when I typed "nerd pissing in the wind" in - some say - good old Google.com I didn't get any results - odd that?

But good news! To make it up to you I thought you might like this picture of a Dog doing its 'business!'



Pug Pee.jpg




Pug's are weird aren't they?" Have you ever wondered why old ladies like them? I think we know why now - 'hidden talents' that's all I'm saying!



By the way, and just quickly!

I would like to offer a great big thanks to everyone who made the February sales of my book a record for Amazon.com and it is only about half past February, my readers are so very special and so much nicer than the average reader! Thanks and I mean that, if we can do the same in March that would of course be marvellous so please start bullying your friends now if they aren't close enough friends for you to want to buy them the book yourself!





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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Killer Bees!

"The Warm Prompt...in order to avoid has the danger Thanaks your coordination"

The above nonsense comes from Taiwan which is odd, no not Taiwan, but the fact that I was talking about them yesterday and praising the people who come from Taiwan, (oh what do you call them - ah yes Chinese tee hee) and look what they go and do to a simple KEEP OUT sign!




The Warm prompt.jpg





You know I couldn't have put that better myself, dangerous Honey Bees are a danger that has to be avoided, sadly though it is the other way around, mankind is killing the Honey Bees with pollution and you better stop soon because even though Einstein was wrong when he said that "If the bee disappears from the surface of the earth, man would have no more than four years to live. No more bees, no more pollination ... no more men!" he was almost right.




Mr Mad hair.jpg





Oh the reason why Mr Mad Hair was wrong was that most cereal crops such as Rice, Wheat and Corn that humans live on are actually pollinated by the wind and not Bees the planet would be an even worse place than it is now without Bees, no Honey, Fruits and so much more, though happily still Prawns.

I worry about a time when the fighting between humans breaks out about food who will fish for Prawns, I don't think I can go without Prawns!

Anyway I have been wondering "A warm prompt" - what is one of those? You understand I don't want one I just want to know if that is ok and while we are on the subject what other nonsense did Albert talk well here is a prime piece of rubbish straight from the scientists mouth try this flash of brilliance. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," which proves we aren't all perfect are we?




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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Apple Computers Make Writing Difficult

Ok so my Apple Mini Mac is very close to being three months old and if it was human I am pretty certain that we would be baptising it or something, but as it is an Apple Computer we aren't going to be doing that because that would be stupid wouldn't it.

Of course there is another reason why we can't baptise the bloody Apple Mini Mac and that is because the DVD drive has stopped working and that means that the Mini Mac is currently with a bunch of idiots at a service centre in Prague.

Sadly these repair centre idiots are fully Apple trained and know all about the latest Apple Computers and so they gladly accepted the Mini Mac for repair with the customer service case number which I had thoughtfully obtained for them from Apple in advance when Apple Customer Service agreed that the Mini Mac's DVD drive needed replacing because it had been badly made in... where was it badly made campers? Oh yes! CHINA of course!

"So what is wrong with that?" I hear you ask, followed by, "and why call the poor devils at the Apple repair centre idiots, you are being an unkind Cat?" Well firstly I have to say that your obvious concern and compassion for the repair centre idiots is one of the reasons I like my readers, they are nice, kind people who have big hearts and don't like to see nice defenceless if not clueless Czech service repair people called "idiots" by a nasty Cat.

Well this nasty Cat has a point, and that point is that the idiots at the Czech service place phoned several hours after they accepted the Mini Mac for repair to say that the reason why nothing worked was that the RAM was incompatible with the computer and the DVD drive was just fine and worked perfectly - in a tone that suggested that only they really 'know' about computers including Mini Macs and indeed they said that they had conducted all sorts of tests to arrive at their findings. They also said that I could come and collect my Mini Mac as soon as I liked!

Very soon after that call they phoned again saying that the DVD drive was err... actually... err... um... broken and not to collect it, they would repair it under warranty and it should to be collected on Thursday or Friday - although I think it is odd that they couldn't actually decide on a 'day' to collect the repaired computer when they were on the phone I ignored the rather 'fluid' timescale.

And of course they also said that the RAM was still incompatible even though the DVD drive was broken, although of course they really should have said "that the DVD drive had recently become defective/broken," but surely if they had used that more accurate term then it might suggest that they had broken the DVD drive when it was in their care, and that's because they told us that the DVD drive wasn't broken just a few minutes before. Makes your headache doesn't it, well think about having that conversation in Czech! Happily I don't speak Czech, (to my way of thinking it's a very confused sub dialect of English spoken by an ever decreasing number of people, like err Russian and therefore not only pretty irrelevant but also difficult to learn and English was hard enough to learn) so someone else suffered that one.

Well, dear readers back to the RAM, I have exhaustively checked out the specification etc., of the RAM with the very reputable manufacturer and it is 'very' compatible with the Mini Mac and not only that the Mini Mac had been working away quite happily and at lightening speed (courtesy of the new improved RAM) for a long while before the DVD drive packed up. Of course the fact that it was working so well might be because the RAM was made in Taiwan and they are less careless and ham fisted, or should we just say less 'Chinese' there than their counterparts and indeed brothers and sisters on the mainland.

Of course the reason why the RAM is 'considered' incompatible by the 'idiots' (they have worked hard to earn that title don't you think) at the Czech service centre is that the RAM is value RAM and apparently Apple Computers, the company, not the machine you understand, don't like value ram?

I have no idea why these idiots thought that the RAM might be causing the problem, value RAM is the same as ordinary RAM and using it doesn't void warranty, it is made by one of the industry leaders or anything, the only thing I can think of is that value RAM is what it says it is 'good value for money.'

Apple have always been a bit snobbish but this is just plain stupid isn't it. Oh by the way RAM stands for random access memory and it is the brain of the computer for anyone still using a slate to write on and an Abacus to help do sums - like err... the Chinese tee hee!

Now, I have to decide what picture to put here, because to my way of thinking a blog needs a picture, but then I don't see why I should put a picture of a Mini Mac here because currently I am annoyed with Apple and of course the Chinese (I like to pick a fight that is going to be a challenge as you can tell tee hee), all of which means that you nice people should be treated to a picture of me.

book-cover.jpg


Don't forget that you can get a copy of my wonderful and very popular book here at Amazon.com or of course at my www.wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com, you'll love it I promise, and because it is not made in China it won't fall apart after a few weeks.



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Friday, February 11, 2011

Look What I Found!

I was trawling the internet yesterday trying to discover why the DVD drive on my, less than three month old, Mac Mini had decided to growl at me in a really not very nice way, not bother to load a DVD and then either spit the DVD out or hog it until I had to use a software eject.

Honestly what have I been saying about things made in China? Yes, you're right, nothing good what so ever and guess where the faulty DVD drive was made - China yes well done - gold stars all round!

Surely it is time to get the Chinese to give up on the idea that they can 'make' (and I use that word in the broadest sense here of course) goods for the rest of the world and do something important like feed their people, I read that millions are starving because of drought in China and also down a bit on the map in North Korea poor devils.

So what was it I found while I was trawling the internet fuming at yet another Apple product - with a made in China label - had gone down the toilet? I found these photographs of someone's hand turned into 'art.'

Actually I don't know how I found these pictures but you know Google.com even if it can't find exactly what you are looking for they will still try to sell you some load of crap or the other - oops I said crap didn't I, and not an asterisk in sight, but then I am annoyed - well sort of pretend annoyed tee hee.

My blood pressure wasn't helped by the fact that it is so difficult to use Google.com in the Czech republic and that's because when you have a Czech IP address and type Google.com into a browser Google will automatically redirect you to Google.cz even though you may not speak Czech but you do live in Prague and they do this so that they can say that their search engine which is not the most popular here gets more hits - wallies!




Abhijit Mondal's Odd Art 1.jpg





I do have one question about these photographs and that of course is why didn't the chap who created the nice Eagle and Elephant 'paint' (if that is the right word) ME! Aren't I just the best looking Cat in the world, to say nothing of my talent, generosity, humility and... well you get the picture.





Abhijit Mondal's Odd Art 2.jpg




Although I like these photographs I do think it's a little odd what you humans do with your opposable, posable thumbs and a bit of spare time! Mind you I wonder just how much spare time you need to be so bored that you start drawing on your hand.



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Thursday, February 10, 2011

On The Run

Today is shaping up to be one of the busiest days of the year so far which is nice in one way. But unfortunately the sun has come out and it is drenching the room and warming the windowsill.

It was -4C last night and so the windowsill needs a lot of warming and honestly sun is just the thing to do that sort of thing I assure you, soon the windowsill will be perfect to slump down on and act as a bed for 20 or so hours which is a shame because I will be out and about.

I have so much to do today and it is all rather important and what a shame there's no gullible human to do it all for me which is terrible and of course why I am on my way to the centre of Prague on my own and being the nice generous Cat that you know, love and buy books from I thought that you might like a picture of my view on the way, taken electronically on the run and then up loaded to you on from my Apple iPad - yes at long last I have one that works.





Frosty Sunshine Prague.jpg





Yesterday I noticed that Apple Computers and the idiot Chinese who ham-fistedly assemble iPads announced that they are building the iPad2 just my luck to get one that works at long last only to see it replaced with an upgraded model - sometimes I hate technology don't you?

I hope that you have as good a day as the one that I want to have. If it all goes the way I want it too then of course I will tell you all about it, if on the other paw it doesn't please don't ask har ha.








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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

'English Royal' - Looking Daft Again

It is very hard to be 'royal' just ask Camellia Parker Whatsit - the Cat's 'Queen of Pies' and prince Charles' 'consort' and I am using the word 'consort' as a polite way of describing someone who has been having an affair with a married man for years, here! I believe in days gone by the courts would have described her as a "co-respondent."

The main reason it is very hard to be a royal is that you really don't need a lot of intelligence to be a royal family member and never have it is sort of an English tradition that their monarchs and their families are very stupid - for more information do take a close look at prince Charles and what he has said and done over the years.

Here, the future queen, if Charles gets his way and there'll be trouble if he doesn't (yes he is 'that' spoilt), is demonstrating the art of being a member of the English royal family perfectly and offering you an insight into that age old question. "How many fools does it take to put up an umbrella?"





How many fools does it take.jpg





Personally this Cat thinks that the old girl fits into the 'firm,' as the royals like to call their enterprise, perfectly and proves that it is time for a republic, at least then after a 'term' the English could boot out any losers and not have them hanging around embarrassing most of the nation for decades.



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Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Cat Cartoons

I saw this cartoon and thought that my lovely cuddly readers would like it. I have to say that it is one of the few cartoons that I have laughed at recently, there are too many political ones aren't there! But I suppose that is because our politicians past and present are so easy to laugh at.






Cat Waiter.jpg



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Monday, February 07, 2011

Sunny Prague And A Bit Of Art

To celebrate a bit of a Prague Spring I thought I would show you all a bit of art! I took the picture yesterday and since then I have been playing around with it in with Photoshop - it is a lot of fun and doesn't only have to be used to add and remove people from photographs, and cleanse models skin!

Hope you all like the picture.


Sunny Prague.jpg




A Prague Spring is a wonderful thing, but as I said in twitter earlier let's hope that what happened last time doesn't happen again - that is a "Prague Spring" joke for all of you who are old enough to remember the last one!





About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Friday, February 04, 2011

King Of The Jungle - Yeah Right!

Sometimes being King of the Jungle is hard because it is such a challenge to live up to the title, and of course the title 'King of the Jungle' is of course is a dreadful way to describe a Lion because they tend to live on the plain but I digress I do that just read my wonderful book if you don't believe me, because you have to look regal, in control and definitely not under the Dew Claw.




Lion under the Dew claw.jpg




Mmh looks like this 'King of the Jungle' is having a few problems with his spouse, really, and in public too! You ladies definitely know how to show a chap up don't you? Still there is hope yet at least if a chap stands upright and tries to look in control he can still pull the regal look off can't he? Even if we all know different.




Good with the cubs too.jpg




Yes that'll work, until of course some little pest comes along and bites your tail! Just how does a chap look as though he rules the jungle when all around he is challenged?








About the Author



The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat's masterpiece of feline literature 'Getting out - Excerpts from a Cat's Diary' can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www - wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as "exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic."

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Wednesday, February 02, 2011

When Is A Replica A Fake?

I'm traveling at the moment, doing research for my latest book a 'Travelogue' and I am currently in Turkey a land of fate watches, fake drugs, fake rugs, fake smiles, fake handbags and fake promise.

The odd thing about Turkey is that everything or more or less is fake, the Turks proudly sell fake this and fake that even the name is fake, its a bird they don't eat!

The Turks are so proud of the fakes that they sell that they go just a bit over the top with the advertising on their shops like the one below for instance!




Fake Turkey.jpg




I tell you what though I was interested to know what the next shops good were like - what is a "Pashmina Silk Sunglasses Hat?" beats me as does a Cashmere Shawl Battery!

In an idle moment I wondered whether the Taxi which even though it is spelt Taksi is instantly recognised was fake and then I looked again saw that it was a 'Dacia' and realised that no one in their right mind would fake a 'Dacia' would they - let alone own one!

Of course I would like to immediately apologise to all Dacia owners out there if they have bought my latest book or are planning to buy it, if not the insult stays.


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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

A Small Joke

I thought I would tell you a little ‘jokette,’ which though quite distasteful for two reasons, it has a dead Cat in it and a banker, is still rather funny, and funny enough for me to slip it into my forthcoming book 'The Travelogue' so here it is!

How do you tell the difference between a dead Cat on the motorway and a dead banker? The answer is simple, there are skid marks around the Cat!

As for a picture to go with the joke sadly I could find a lot of pictures of Cats that had been knocked down on all sorts of roads but none of any bankers really you humans should do better! All of which means I though I would show you a picture of one of my favourite roads from America.



The road goes on forever.jpg



"The road goes on forever." As J. R. R. Tolkien said.


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